Wide Awake
by whoyouarexo
Summary: The story of Zoe/Max, continuing from the moment on Dylans boat. Does she want it to come out? Does he want her to commit? New at writing Zoe/Max so bare with me,will be involving other characters too! and review any thoughts you have! big love! x
1. Chapter 1

Set when Zoe and Max are sort of broken up. after Dylan sees them at the boat. First time writing Casualty in about 2 years, be gentle with me!

Zoe/Max are my favourite combination since Ruth/Jay. There are some similarities there!

Switching writing styles around slightly on each paragraph as you can see, just working out what works! Italics are flashbacks, the first chapters more about just laying foundations for the characters, the story will gather a pace soon enough!

Review and tell me your thoughts, always appreciated! Hope everyones had an awesome xmas! X

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><p><strong>Zoe POV<strong>

Max had just walked away from the boat, I didn't know what I wanted to do, did I want to chase him, tell him that I did care, that I wasn't with Dylan? Would it even make a difference at the moment? Did I want this all getting out?

I suddenly heard a sound, and wheeled around, forgetting for a moment that Dylan had even been standing there

"Him?" Dylan had asked, biting his lip and looking totally surprised. by Zoe's standards even, this was a shock, especially as it wasn't just anybody, but the young, immature porter. Not exactly the person to follow in the footsteps of Nick Jordan

"its not" I started, then I decided to be honest. I was always honest with Dylan, even if he did judge me, he would still stand up for me "actually it is".

Ihe stared at the sky, wondering how what started as a fling turned into something so complicated. My love life was always complicated which was why I was trying to stop that happening. Nick was complicated, Sean was complicated. I didnt want complicated, I didnt want feelings. But now I had feeling, and I had only just seen the depth of Max's.

"How" Dylan said, looking at me,clearly confused

"We just..got talking" I explained. Even I didnt know. All I knew is Max was the first guy to actually care about her, the first guy to actually put her first.

With Max I didnt feel like she needed to chase him, make decisions for him. He was a breath of fresh air, almost like a legal high, he actually made me feel better whenever Connie gave me a dressing down, whenever a patient died he was there, fag in hand and cheeky grin spread across his face.

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><p>Max went to the pub, and straight away made his way to the bar, no hellos, he just needed whiskey and he needed it right away<p>

"three straight whiskeys, no ice" he spoke quietly, he didnt want to draw attention to himself, the situation, or the emotional mess that this woman had made him. He never was like this over girls. He had a few girlfriends in uni but he got bored of them. Bored of the petty dramas, the narccism, bored of it all. Zoe made him feel alive, she was a match for him.

He got his drinks, watching as Charlie and Ash looked on, a little concerned. He gave them a small smile, and then they carried on their conversation.

He took shot after shot, he just wanted to feel numb, not feel anything. He wanted to wake up and not want to be with Zoe, he wanted to not feel an ache in his heart because she didnt want to be with him.

Lofty approached warily "you ok?" he asked, ordering his own drinks, a drunk smile on his face. Max gave him a small nod

"Cracking. You?"

Lofty grinned again "Yeah, good thanks mate. Although Robins a bit merry" he said, chuckling slightly. as Max turned and saw Robin and Lily taking over the kararoke, Ethan was sat across the bar, taking small glances at Honey, who was staring at Noel. Cal was walking around with his phone like he was expecting a call. In all fairness, out of the staff, a overly drunk Robin was the least of anyones worries.

"Come sit with us" he said, patting Max's back

"Sure" he said, ordering 3 more whiskeys, no ice.

"Woah, pace yourself man" Lofty laughed, "its not a race, its only 10"

"Its Christmas, if you cant drink now, when can you?" he asked, plastering a fake smile onto his face.

"Ok, fairs fair" Lofty replied, giving up and leading him to the table.

Max sat himself next to Ethan, who was nursing what looked like his first beer and a pensive expression.

"Penny for your thoughts" he asked, looking at the blonde doctor

"I-they arent worth anything" he laughed, bashfully

"Women eh?" Max retorted, following Ethan's gaze, which lead him to Honey

"Yeah.." he trailed off. Max smiled a little into his drink. At least he wasnt the only one who couldnt be with the woman he wanted.

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><p>Zoe sat on the sofa with Dylan, glass of wine in one hand, phone in the other.<p>

Dylan stared at her, almost willing her to talk to him. He wasnt really a touchy feely kind of guy, but he always had had a level of respect for Zoe, she was bold, brash, pulled no punches. And in the time he had known her, she wasnt someone who got involved with people for the hell of it

"So out of everybody in the hospital, you went for the most unsuitable person you could? Is this some sort of delayed teenage rebellion?"

"What makes you say that?" she asked, narrowing her eyebrows and facing him

"Your the top of the food chain and hes the bottom" Dylan replied, matter of factly, tapping his own whiskey glass

"He is not. Those people you call bottom of the food chain, you could not function without" Zoe cut back, taking a long sip of her drink, Dylan curtly nodded, in acceptance of this fact

"Hes about 12"

"30, actually"

"Well he does seem to have it bad"

"what makes you say that?"

"He looked like a deflated balloon when he was walking away, that what makes me say that. Paired with his expression when I turned up, hes got it bad"

"Do you?" he then queried her

She rested her head on a cushion. She didnt know if she was ready to lay out her cards just yet. She didnt understand how she felt. She had spent her time away thinking about Max, partly. She did miss him. She did like having him around. She had never felt as alive as she had when she was with him, kissing him, being with him

"That silence is all you need to say"

"Its complicated" she said slowly, sinking into her seat

"the good ones usually are" Dylan replied, and Zoe held out her glass, clinked it with Dylans, and carried on sipping her drink.

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><p>"<em>Zoe!" Max hissed across the room he was sweeping, and Zoe, bemused, stepped towards him <em>

"_How many times do I need to say at work" she started, but was cut off by Max's inane singing _

"_mmm mmm not listening" _

_Zoe raised a small smile _

"_What do you want?" she asked, pursing her lips at him_

"_Meet me in my office, 15 minutes" _

"_Your cupboards not an office"_

"_Its actually very roomy, I have a bed, theres a lot of things you can do on a bed..."_

"_Max.." she warned, and he gave her a devilish smile _

"_15 minutes" he said again, using the empty room as an excuse to slap her bum_

"_You'll only need 5" she smirked at him, and he leaned agaisnt his broom, exhaling a dirty laugh _

"_You'll see Doctor Hanna, ive been working on my bedside manner" he gave her a wink and walked out, Zoe leant agaisnt the wall, wondering how this had become her life? Sneaking around with the hospital porter was not really the ideal way of moving forward. But right now, she felt happier then she had in a while. It wasnt hurting anybody. It was casual_

_45 minutes later, and Zoe was nestled into Max's arm. She had given herself an unofficial early lunch break. It was a quiet day. _

"_now tell me, my office is definitely better then yours?" _

"_the only reason for that possibly could be I have Connie in mine"_

"_fair"_

"_ive gotta go' Zoe said, quietly, she didnt really want to _

"_5 more minutes" Max had said, snaking an arm around her waist, pulling her into him_

"_Max" she pleaded, and he shut her up with the best way possible. A kiss. A small, slow kiss that quickly had turned into a passionate, fiery kiss, the best kisses she had experienced. The chemistry between them was undeniable, nothing like what she had had before with Nick, Sean, her previous boyfriends. She saw the desire flickering in Max's eyes and she was sure her own were mirroing his. _

_He rolled back on top of her and wrapped his arms around her, she broke apart from him_

"_10 more minutes" she smirked, leaning up to kiss him again, smiling at his smile, feeling more alive then ever. " _


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks so much everyone for the lovely feedback! Got a story in mind just working on the build up at the minute! Keep reviewing! italics are still flashbacks xx

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><p>Zoe sat at her desk, with a glass of coffee that she wished was wine, and a mountain of paperwork that Connie had delegated to her.<p>

She looked across at Connie, wishing the person sitting opposite her could be someone she could confide in, talk to. She hated being this person, the person consumed by thoughts about a boy. She thought that all stopped in secondary school. Or maybe uni.

"Zoe?" Connie asked, looking at her as if she had been repeating her name a few times. Zoe snapped back into medical mode

"Yup" She said, her head up, focusing on her boss

"I need you to take the lead today, I have a meeting about the lawsuit filed agaisnt me" she said, casually, sipping her water and tapping away on her keyboard

"Oh, right. Ok" Zoe said, trying to take in the information. She didnt think that was going to go that much further. She certainly couldn't imagine herself dealing with the same allegations the way Connie was. But then again, maybe if the roles had been reversed, the situation wouldn't be the same.

"Connie?" she said, wathcing as the female doctors head jerked up

"It wasnt your fault" she reasoned, and gave her a small smile, returning to her work. Even though Connie had complete confidence, even people like her needed a bit of back up sometimes

"Thanks" Connie replied, quietly, giving Zoe what could of passed as a nod, and then a smile. Both women became consumed by their own thoughts. Both women were consumed by thoughts that had no relevance to their work

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><p>"Ouch, rough night?" Noel asked, with a small chuckle, watching as Max made his way throught the hopsital with sunglasses on<p>

"You could say that" the porter replied, slinging his bag onto the reception desk, looking for his bottle of water. He was on his second today in a recovery attempt, not that it was helping.

He knew he should of stopped after the shots he had had on his own, let alone what he consumed with Lofty, then Lofty and Robyn, who both managed to bag the day off. If this was drinking the pain away, it wasnt working.

If anything it added to the pain, and the nasty hangover made him feel as if he needed looking after. He felt _more_ vulnerable if anything, although that could be because he still had alcohol in his system

"Smile mate, it may never happen" Noel retorted, taking off his glasses and replacing them with some christmas antlers

"The patients love it" he said, a small laugh emitted, Louise nodding along and grinning at him, holding up her camera phone. Max shook his head with a grin. That was going to end up on every social media page imaginable.

Max smiled and made his way to the staffroom, knowing he looked a bit like an idiot, he chuckled to himself after seeing his appearance with the antlers. The patients may appreciate it, he didn't. He already felt like a hungover idiot, now he was the hungover idiot with Antlers. He might as well of been carrying a sign.

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><p>"Max?" came the voice he had come to recognise, and in turn love. He wheeled around, a little too quickly for the whiskeys taste by the way his stomach dropped<p>

"You dont need to explain. we. we aren't a thing anymore. that was made clear" he said, simply, surveying the empty room and and the woman who was now standing in the middle, twisting her stethoscope in her hands, clearly uncomfortable, she sighed and closed her eyes at the last part of the sentence

"I dont want to know, honestly I dont know what to say..and I just..i dont know" he said, opening his locker and shoving his bag in, and just hoping she went away. He didnt want to say anything, if she was happy, he would learn to be, he didnt know what else he could say, or do. None of this was upto him anymore and this was why it was so damn annoying. It was usually all on his terms

"For the record, me and Dylan are not a thing" she said, using air quotes for the last part, her voice silky smooth as usual, as she sat on the sofa nursing her coffee, watching him intently.

Max let himself smile at the mirror in his locker, just a little. He didnt particulary care for Dylan, especially with Zoe. He wanted Zoe.

"I can see you, dont pretend to be too upset" she smirked, a dirty laugh following ,he returned her smile

"I dont know what to say" he sighed himself, running a hand through his hair, if he was in his usual energetic state, a horrible comment about Dylan would suffice, but somehow he just couldnt bring himself to say it. It seemed immature

"you dont need to say anything, I just wanted you to know" she replied softly, making a small step towards him

"i-" she started, then her pager went off, it was as if she had something else to say. She breathed in and closed her eyes, taking a step back

She shrugged and pulled her stethoscope back around her neck, making her way towards the door

"max.." she held onto the doorframe and poked her head round. He gave her a glance, meeting those brown eyes that he was so used to seeing next to him when he woke up

"the hair looks way better, especially those antlers" she said, meeting his eyes briefly with a grin, and a small wink before leaving the room. He laughed to himself then pondered in the mirror. He definitely still loved her, and it was not going to be easy. None of this was.

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><p><em>It was an hour after her patient from the helicopter crash had died, and Zoe had needed somewhere calm to sit. Somewhere where she wouldnt see the glint in Connie's eye, about her promotion. Somewhere where there was no press, no explaining to do, no family members and no staff members. She just wanted to sit, and cry.<em>

_That place was Max's office. He was the only one who used it, and he was probably the only person she could face right now. He wouldnt tell her what she did wrong, or what she could of done to improve things. _

_He would just sit with her, and thats about all she could take right now. She sniffed a little to herself, trying not to let the weight of the day make her cry, she barely cried. Her chest was rapidly moving up and down, the floodgates for tears were about to open. She had been shouted at, she had been hounded by the BBC news, she had been hounded by people telling her how to do her job. _

_The door suddenly opened softly, a small but misplaced knock_

"_when I saw the door closed I thought it might be you" Max said softly, taking a careful step, followed by walking into his __guitar with a loud swear and a grimace _

"_smooth" Zoe had laughed, with a watery smile, shaking her head _

"_you ok?" he asked, taking a seat on the bed beside her, their usual activities the last thing on his mind. for once. She looked weary, upset. She had come to his office for consolation, for a space to just sit and breathe. this was actually quite big _

"_yeah" she said, slowly exhaling, as he put a firm arm around her, feeling her defence waver. She leaned on his shoulder, shutting her eyes, squeezing them shut, trying to shut the world away, even if it be just five minutes _

"_it is so wrong just to want it to be about the patients" she asked him, taking a long breath, keeping her eyes shut, inhaling his aftershave_

"_no. everyone who saw you on the press conference staff wise, had your back. Including Rita, Charlie. Your a cracking clinical lead Zo" _

"_Not anymore" she sighed, softly_

"_What? They fired you? No, we can all fight this that is absolute crap" _

"_I jumped before I was pushed, i resigned, I wasn't fired. He said it was unacceptable and thats when I realised. This job isnt me anymore. I dont want to care more about pushing numbers then patients, I dont want my day to be centred on folders and filing cabinets thats not what I came here to do. Thats not who I am, and its what I turned into somewhere along the line. Im a doctor, I want to be around patients" _

_Max tightened his grip around her, leaning his own head on hers and leaning back slightly, pulling them both down so they were lying flat_

"_what happens now?" he asked_

"_the witch has my job" she laughed a little _

"_dont let her undermine you" he had replied, stroking a little bit of her hair out of her eyes _

"_dont worry, im more then a match for Connie" _

"_and this doesnt mean your allowed out on more life threatening jobs. No helicopters, trains, unsafe buildings" Max started, and Zoe laughed _

"_Dont you worry Mary Jane, im not going anywhere" she spoke softly, pulling an arm around him, and resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes again, the feeling of him stroking her hair and just holding her was lovely. She missed having someone in her life who could just relax her like this, someone who the worries of the day would just fall away when she was with them. _

"_You have a rest, all good heroes do" he smiled, pressing a kiss to her head and pulling a blanket over her. He watched her fall into a peaceful sleep, and soon after fell into one himself. Zoe had trusted him to see her vulnerable, she had seen him as someone to talk to. That had to mean something. For that reason, when he slept, a small smile crept onto his face _


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews everybody! Keep them coming if possible! x

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><p>"A board function? Seriously, you need me there?" Zoe raised her eyebrows over the invite at Connie, who was unusually smiling.<p>

The morning was not the best time to announce this news. Board functions were always completely and utterly boring, and now she was just what Max would call a "_mere mortal_" she also didnt think she would get any more invites.

"Board social functions arent exactly my forte. But I need the whole team here. After everything I need them to see that the team are still, for lack of a better word, functioning" Connie replied, earnestly "As a matter of fact, I've already told them, they are mostly ok with it"

"Of course they are, they think its going to be a booze up and a free bar. When the reality is that it is just tedious hours of impressing people who dont actually know what we do on a daily basis"

"Zoe, do you think I want to spend _my_ friday night boosting the egos of the board? Contary to opinion, I do have a life outside of work"

"Whats your perfect friday night?" she replied

"A glass of red and my spreadsheet" Connie said, a dry laugh following "and of course, time with Grace"

"I guess it might be fun.. if theres a free bar. Everyone invited? From doctors to receptionists to porters?" she asked, sneaking in the last part. even at the current state of play, having Max at one of these stuffy occasions could make it more bearable. Even if it was the odd fag break here and there

"_Everyone. _You can even bring a plus one"

"Oh, I dont need a plus one"

"Too busy?"

"Always too busy" Zoe met her companions eyes and they both laughed a little

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><p>Zoe walked out of the office, into the main reception, checking the patient board. She was about to turn around when she smelt a familiar aftershave, and an arm that had suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her from any further movement. Something about not being hungover gave him his confidence back around her. He couldnt avoid her forever, and he didn't actually want to.<p>

"Save us a dance at this high society ball. And thanks for the invite" Max whispered, breathing in her coco chanel and to his delight, cigarettes

"Its not that kind of thing, ps. I did not get you invited" Zoe smiled, leaning back into him for a split second, then looking forward and rubbing a name off of the board

"Oh, so my brilliance at pushing trollies is catching on. Happy days"

"Happy days indeed"

"Save me a fag break instead?" he offered

"That I can do. Might even treat you and give you two" she retorted, with a small wink

"Not given up then?"

"I tried. God loves a trier. And someone got me a present that was hard to ignore, leading me down a dark path"

"Good. Its essentially fate telling you not to stop smoking. Anyway, you would miss your smoking time with me way too much. Coffee time doesn't sound the same; and so many cling ons. Well, if you ever run out, ive got a stash in my office"

"your office isnt really an office though is it? and you are not meant to be encouraging an addict, especially in this line of work"

"addict smadict, you were on the nicotine way before i was on the scene. and what is that about my utterly amazing office?" he asked, a grin and a raised eyebrow etching onto his face

"it has a bed, max" she said, as if this made it case closed

"didnt hear you complaining about that particular condiment" he grinned, rubbing off another name as she whacked him with her board marker

"not the point and may I remind you we are- "

"yeah yeah at work yeah, and about my office, I didn't actually put a bed in there. It used to be an oncall room. I just told them I would hang onto the bed. Makes break times fantastic. Well I dont need to tell you that" he laughed, the last part making him smile. She smiled herself, agaisnt her will

"Your pushing your luck mr"

"Well on that charming note, see you later Dr Hanna"

"Since when did you call me that?"

"Since we are 'at work', ill buy you a drink at this high society event" he mimicked her, and gave her shoulder a quick squeeze, and bounded off, like an exicteable puppy. The way that he always was

"high society" she had repeated, laughing, and watching him go

"miss you" he mouthed, silently, as he slowed down and walked towards resus

"You too" she mouthed. But he wasnt watching. The only person she could admit it to, was herself

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><p>"<em>So, favourite movie" Max had asked. It was a Sunday after a long day at work and they were curled up on the sofa, Max with a beer and Zoe with some wine <em>

"_Umm-" _

"_Actually let me guess. Something unexpected. Possibly cheesy"_

"_I am not cheesy thank you" _

"_In the closet cheese" _

"_Sorry what" _

"_Grease" _

"_No-no"_

"_stop denying it"_

"_ok, Grease is not cheesy, it is classic" _

"_whatever you say" he snickered, sipping his beer and grinning_

_Zoe had sighed. This thing with Max. she still didnt know where it was going, and what they were to eachother. She didnt want to fall for him, so she was trying to stop herself. The easy charm, the gorgeous smile, the wit, the way he could relax her in about just under a minute_

_Nights like these were what she craved. Not that he was going to know that. She hadn't felt this way since Nick, and it scared her_

"_So, hospital talk, Mac, Noel, Lofty, marry, snog or avoid" _

"_You do not get to ask that" she laughed, then quickly turned on him "same question, Robyn, Louise annnnnd Tess"_

"_Well as Robyns my half sister, thats probably an instant elimination" he laughed, scrunching his nose up_

"_What if I said I would just avoid everybody apart from the sexy doctor who, despite having the top job at a point, still has to smoke outside" he said, a coy wink accompanying his smile_

_She laughed and gulped her wine a little, patting one of the muscles on his arm_

"_Nice dodge there" _

"_You still haven't answered yours" _

"_Oh you know I only have eyes for the porter" she said, giving him a light tap on the nose_

"_Despite the gaping gap, that is ever gaping" he replied, turning her head towards his_

"_Despite the ever ever gaping gap, that has closed a little since my voluntary demotion" she had responded, moving forward towards him, his hands were cupped around her face, pulling her closer._

_ He kissed her slowly, winding his arms aroundh her neck and pulling her close to him so every inch of them was touching. She ran a hand through his hair and pulled him closer, even though he was already as close as he could be. He drew up for breath _

"_Your amazing" he said, breathlessly, pushing a strand of hair out of her face_

"_Shut up" she said, pulling him back towards her and kissing him hungrily, he wove his hands up her spine then pulled her on top of him, then to her surprise, he stopped kissing her and instead pulled her into a hug_

"_Long day" he said to her, through a exhale_

"_Your actually too tired" _

"_Im actually too tired. Dont tell anyone though, it'll totally ruin my reputation of fast cars and fast women. In addition to being __a being a worldwide rockstar", Zoe responded to this with a cackle _

"_Do you just want a cuddle" she teased him, poking his side and watching him squirm and close his eyes _

"_oh, the roles in this partnership are reversing slowly but surely. Im sounding like the girl, the gaping gap just expanded into different properties" he mumbled, sleepily_

_Zoe just chose to laugh, and she got up to get a blanket. _

_Sleeping in the arms of her sort of boyfriend/love interest sounded like quite a nice way to end the week. Although she would never say it. She quickly brushed her teeth and made her way back to the lounge_

_She smiled softly as she saw Max lightly snoring on the sofa, he looked totally content_

_She put the blanket over him, resisting the urge to draw something on his head. He suddenly reached out and pulled her back on the sofa_

"_you dont escape that easy" he mumbled, wrapping his arms around her waist, she rested her head on his shoulder_

"_one night only" she muttered to him, and cuddled into him, smiling a little as she heard him sigh contently. He soon fell back to sleep, the sound of him snoring was oddly comforting to her. _

_she knew it as soon as she started to drift off in his arms. She felt safe, relaxed. _

"_I think im falling for you" she had whispered, as soon as his light sleep had turned into a deep one._


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the lovely reviews everyone! The story will keep moving, im trying to tell a story with the flashbacks and the present moments :) Last nights ep broke my heart a little, i hope they work it out soon! Reviews appreciated as always, much love! xx

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><p>Zoe smoothed down her dress in the mirror, it was tight, it was teal, and she had her hair in soft waves, with soft make up.<p>

She didn't usually tend to dress up or make much effort for these occasions, especially as it was probably just going to be her, a glass of wine and a room full of stuffy board types. She almost wanted to prove to herself that she still had it.

That people still felt she was attractive. She wanted to feel attractive, even though she felt like a complete idiot going to this event alone. She stepped into the main living area of the boat

"Oh, shall I whistle?" Dylan asked, looking over from his newspaper

"I suppose thats your version of 'you look nice'"

"It is" he replied, a curt grin appearing on his face

"are you sure you dont want to come? I mean theres a free bar, we can just drink and catch up"

"catch up? Zoe we live together" he retorted, folding his paper and placing it onto the seat next to him

"is someone scared about being on their own and spending the night with your 12 year old?"

"oh Dylan stop he is not 12, hes actually a great guy"

"whatever you say"

"please come, ill even buy you a drink"

"as tempting as you buying me a drink from a free bar sounds, im washing my hair" Zoe laughed, at least he was honest enough to tell her he didn't want to come.

"ok. Well I guess im as ready as ill ever be, have a nice night" she said, a small smile on her face as she picked up her bag and left

"see you later"

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><p>Zoe started walking back towards the hospital. She usually took her car but she was drinking tonight, and didnt fancy breaking the law in her workplace. And she couldnt abide this event without at least 1 large glass of wine.<p>

She suddenly saw a figure walking towards her in the dark. That was never a good thing. She started to walk in the opposite direction, she wasn't usually scared of people, but she had no jacket, was caked in makeup, had a very obviously expensive bag. This was one downside to being alone

"Zo!" she heard a familiar shout, and the sound of footsteps running towards her.

She wheeled around, intregued. She was pretty sure that murderers didnt use her nickname. There was only one person who used that nickname, and that person lived on the other side of town, 5 minutes away from the hospital. that person also was someone she hadn't been alone with in months. She turned around to confirm her initial thoughts, and saw him

"Max what are you doing here?" she asked, looking across to him, bemused.

He lived pretty much a 5 minute walk from the hospital, she was on the other side of town. Even when he used to visit her old apartment they would get a taxi, but by the red on his hands and on his cheeks, he had walked

He stood under a streetlamp and she took in his apperance. His hair was the same, which was a good thing because she liked it that way, he had a suit on with a blue tie, the same kind of blue that her dress was

"I figured your strange housemate forward slash boatmate wouldnt want to come, its probably a bit social for him-" he ignored Zoes amused/disapproving look and carried on "and I also thought you would want to drink, hence you walking across the town, late at night, in your high heels, in the dark, because obviously, thats not dangerous at all-" he gave her a small grin and she looked at the floor and returned the smile "i know nothings happening, and I know we are meant to play golf and have awkward glances but I thought we could walk together" he also stared at the floor |

"just made that more awkward. and i know your totally independent blah blah blah, but I just wanted you to be safe. especially with all the attacks in the newspapers lately" he replied pointedly, lighting up a cigarette

after that, she couldn't possibly be angry. he was thinking of her. it was nice to have someone thinking of her

"awkward or not, it was a really nice thought. Thanks Max" she stole his cigarette and walked alongside him

"fancy a quick one first?" he asked, then grinned "not that kind of quick one- the pub" she laughed alongside him, the dirty humour was just one part of him that made her feel younger again, she felt almost as if she was on a date, it was odd

"why not. Ill need a drink having to talk up Guy self and co all night"

"never met him before, is he as good as they say? The man, the myth, the legend?" he asked, leading her to the pub.

She suddenly felt a hand on the small of her back as Max guided her into the pub, Zoe breathing a sigh of relief at the warm air that now surrounded her. She went back to analysing the other moment it was a small gap and it was a little crowded. She decided to make nothing of it, and walked upto the bar

"a lar-" she started, as she saw the bartender approaching

"lets make this interesting, no wine"

"4 tequilas please mate, lemons and salt aswell" he ordered, giving her his trademark smile, and she shook her head

"first the fags and now the drink, you my friend are leading me down a dark path"

"oh, but its a fun path. You watch, even Connie will be on the tequila slammers later on, ive got a plan"

"your plan will never get Connie to drink. Never"

"oh just you watch me. By the way do you prefer being called Zo or Hanna? Ive heard Honey playing around with just the surname, very quirky some may say" he asked, pretending to look earnest and earning himself a light slap on the arm

"would you like to be called Walker? Or, I could rearrange a few letters and spell another word. Would be an apt nickname" she gave him a small nudge, which earned a dirty laugh from Max

the tequila arrived at the bar, and Max handed her the salt

"ok, so, from one party goer to another, the best way to do tequila is-" he was cut off as soon as he had started

"please dont think that I dont know how to do a tequila shot, come on now Walker, I am the party" she laughed, sprinkling some salt on her hand

"Ok, erm, Hanna" she shook her head and laughed, clinking her glass agaisnt his and taking the shots, one after the other. She felt the familiar warmth spreading through her chest, and laughed out loud at the revolted look on Max's face

"brutal. now i know why that only happens when im drunk" Max had replied, the lemon still in his mouth

"Oh I never had you down as a wimp". Her pocket beeped and she took her phone out, she had a text, and that text took her away from the dreamworld she was currently experiencing. the responsibilities were back

"Better go, Charlies text asking where ive got to" Max sighed a little, sadly. he had been enjoying spending some time with Zoe again, like old times. But now the wall seemed to be back up, she had taken her elbow off of the bar and now was standing a little stiffly.

"Ok, so as the gap is still gaping and there is no gap because there isnt a thing, we can walk there, you go in first and ill just roll in after you. Five minutes, after you" he shook his head at himself, he was usually so smooth at talking to women, but there was something about Zoe that just made him nervous

She shook her head at him, pursing her lips. She still was totally conflicted, with every day she was falling for him, she thought when she let him go, that she would let go. But things kept pulling her back to him, the fact he was still interested was enough. He told her he missed her, he walked halfway across town just so she wouldnt walk to an event on her own, all things that nobody else would do for her. All things nobody else would notice

"i think just this once, we'll wing it" she responded, shivering a little and walking alongside him

"just for the walk, would you like my jacket?" he asked, starting to take it off, and putting it around her shoulders

"you didnt really get to answer that question" he said this as he noticed a small smile spreading across Zoe's lips.

"thank you" she said. The conversation was general and lighthearted as they walked across the town

"so, tell me, Connie and Guy self, are they making sweet love?"

"Why, you gonna make your move?" she grinned, and laughed a little, and he wrinkled up his nose

"Not me, but there is a certain doctor Knight who would be snotting into his pillow if the rumours were confirmed"

"Cal?"

"Have you not seen the way he looks at her. Its either that hes madly in love or that shes a challenge"

"she would eat him for breakfast, trust me" she laughed, as they went into the hotel next to the hospital, where the function was. She slowly took off his jacket and handed it back to him

"thanks for coming to walk with me"

"always a pleasure. Next time we'll get some mini golf done on the way aswell" she smacked him with her bag

"oh shut up" she rolled her eyes, pressing the button on the lift

"no walking?"

"have you seen these shoes? Have you just endured the walk across town"

"ok fair". She could of swear she heard someone cough followed by the word "wimp". She hit Max with her bag again just to be sure

* * *

><p>They walked into the function, and immediately Ash came over to Zoe, and Lofty came over to Max. He glanced at her for a moment before mouthing "gaping" at Zoe, who stifled a laugh and allowed herself to be led over to Connie and Guy by Ash<p>

"Where did you get to, thought we were gonna get a beer before?" Lofty asked, eyeing him with suspicion

"Umm..just..umm"

"Is this the mystery girl again?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together

"I went to the gym. Yeah. The gym. I love a bit of exercise before big events, especially with all these puffed up doctors"

"Oh. Right" Lofty replied, handing him a drink and glancing at Max.

Something wasnt quite right. He was staring at something, he followed his look, but Max had caught on and changed what he was staring at. All he wanted to do was grab Zoe and tell her how he felt, but that was not how she operated, and he didnt quite have the confidence to do it

"this is a free bar and im standing here, casually talking. Come on Loftster, lets get some drinks down us"

* * *

><p>"<em>So, a hotel this time? Are you afraid someone might smell me at your place?" Max asked, Zoe snorted into her wine <em>

"_Actually. I thought it would be nice to have a night outside of the same four walls. Live a little" she raised her glass of wine and he nodded _

"F_air. I mean we have already christened most places in your house, although it is a bit public here-" he started, and Zoe rolled her eyes _

"_Not what I meant"_

"_Oh I know. Anyway, its quite nice being somewhere different. In a suit. At the hotel bar on a sort of date. I feel like the doctor"_

"_What do you mean?" she asked, resting her head on her elbow and blinking at him_

"_well-well- forget I said that" he replied, blushing a little and sipping his drink, almost nervously. He knew that Zoe was a doctor and that he was a porter, and although he joked about the gaping gap, it concerned him _

"_No, what do you mean?" she asked, geuniely interested _

"_well, doctors can date other doctors and treat other doctors and well, it doesnt take a genius to work it out. Porters arent exactly on the same food chain"_

"_You dont think that do you?" _

"_Not much. Sometimes. ok. A lot" he replied, gulping down his drink a little. Zoe scooted a little closer to him, pushing away the three beer glasses. It was probably thanks to the beer that he was finally giving her a little piece of him, an __insecurity. She lowered her voice _

"_Ive had more fun with you then ive ever had with someone who isnt myself. And thats not because your a porter, or a doctor, or a nurse or a receptionist. Your you" she said, placing a small hand on his cheek, willing him to look up. She saw him smile a little and raise his head_

"_thanks Zo. And just so you know, ditto" his eyes met hers and with that one stare their bond had deepened_

"_im not a normal doctor. I dont want you thinking that I treat you guys like im above you"_

"_I know you dont. Saying that, p__lease don't start dating lofty" he said, with a small laugh_

"_as long as you dont start dating Connie I think I can make the deal" she replied coyly, sipping her wine and he laughed _

"_did you always want to be a doctor?" he asked her, and she smiled and nodded_

"_ever since I broke my arm at the school disco"_

"_you broke your arm at the school disco" Max chuckled a little to himself "even little Zo was the life and soul of the party"_

_she cackled _

"_it was a roller disco, I was skating past all the best looking year 6 boys and I fell. And not one of them gave a stuff. That upset me more then having to wear a cast for 6 weeks. Not one bloody get well soon card" they both laughed_

"_and then I went to the hospital, and the doctor there was so kind, so patient. And he cared about his job, he loved his job, and he loved being with people. Thats what I wanted to do"_

"_and thats why you stepped down?"_

"_yeah. Im not a politician. I didnt sign up to have people asking me questions and broadcasting it on BBC news. I dont want to be the face of the nhs, I just want to be a doctor"_

"_I wish you were my doctor back in the day" Max said softly, with a glint in his eye_

"_why, were you a little tearaway, in and out of hospital?" she laughed, then raised an eyebrow "please dont tell me you were one of the drunk ones"_

"_no, no. Worse. I got involved with a bad crowd at school. Dad had left and I started on the drugs. Typical teenage angst really, only would of been more stereotypical if i had got a luminous colour in my fringe and a My Chemical Romance hoodie" _

"_drugs?" Zoe asked, concerned. She had only ever seen Max as the happy go lucky guy. Robyn had mentioned that his past was a little more chequered then hers, but as far as she knew he had never mentioned it to her _

"_yeah. Started off weed, then the guys started getting more and more, and then before I knew it, it was cocaine. I wasn't addicted, the guys I hung around with just saw an opportunity to make money. One day I just woke up and realised it was a waste of the last 6 months. Called my dealer, sacked him off. He didnt appreciate it, I was probably his main source of business. So later on there was a house party, and he paid one of the girls to slip something in my drink. Probably best, I saw the girl on facebook the other day and she was a right dog, better being in a hospital bed then being with her" he admitted, he rubbed his head and smiled a little, Zoes lips tugged a smile of their own at the last bit_

"_when was this?" she asked, earnestly, a little shocked. nobody had ever mentioned anything. She pondered. Nobody would exactly know. She couldn't believe he had trusted her enough to tell her_

"_when I was about 17. ages ago. It was a lot easier to score when I was in sixth form with loads of free periods and people who were happy to drag me down with them. I didnt have anyone then really, no Robyn, no dad, and my mum was going through the locals at what frankly was, an alarming rate" _

"_i cant believe nobody knew" she softly said, putting her hand on his briefly _

"_i dont want people to know. Im not that sad guy who people need to look out for. I dont want people watching me when I leave the pub incase I go and meet a dealer. Im completely different from then, it feels like another life ago"_

"_im glad. If you ever feel-" _

"_Zo- you dont need to"_

"_I know. But I am" _

_Their eyes met again, an unspoken trust occuring as they looked at eachother. It was just then Zoe realised that she was not the only one that was going to be hurting if this ended. _


	5. Chapter 5

Hiya guys thank you so much for all the lovely comments! Italics are flashbacks then normal font is in the present :)! moving on the story a little this chapter, not always the best drama writer so hope its all ok! thought i would go for something a little different! reviews are welcomed as normal, many thanks and lots of love :D

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><p>Zoe had been listening to Connie, and Guy for the last 30 minutes. She was bored out of her skull, there was only so much hospital politics she could take. Connie gave her a <em>"grin and bear it look<em>", while she mastered her "_not my job anymore_" glare, accompanied by an eye roll

"Im going to go grab a drink, anyone want a top up?" she found herself offering, after she found herself fixated on the bar for at least 10 minutes

"No thanks Zoe" Guy said, flashing her a smile and turning his attention back to Connie, who also declined the offer. She thought this was meant to be a party.

She went upto the bar, finding Rita, Robyn, Lofty and Max surrounded by shots

"You guys really went for the free bar theme" she laughed, an eyebrow raised

"Well, its only once you can get free booze in a place like this!" Rita responded, ordering another round and pushing a few of the shots in Zoe's direction

"I really shouldnt-" she started. She did want to drink, she just wanted to make herself look responsible first, just so she still looked a little like a team leader. Max caught her eye and she resisted the urge to laugh, she knew he was onto her

"Go on Zo-_Zoe_" Max started, his eyes widened a little at the nickname, for a moment it had almost felt like it was just the two of them again. Then he downed his first shot, while she tried to ignore the blush that had spread over his cheeks, and from what she could feel, her own

"Yeah!" Lofty agreed, and Zoe sighed a sigh of relief. Tension gone

"Oh, ok, youve persuaded me"

"Would it of taken much?" Robyn asked, grinning at her, and Zoe laughed

"In all honesty, no" she said, lifting up the shot and motioning a "cheers" to the others.

* * *

><p>She continued to sit with Max, Rita, Robyn and Lofty, who had now been joined by Noel. She loved being on this side of things, observing. She hadn't just missed the patients as clinical lead, she had missed being on the same level as her colleagues. She also had missed the idle department gossip.<p>

Well, that was half true, she missed the parts that weren't about her. She watched as Ethan, who was standing about a metre away from Honey, nursed his drink and kept taking a step forwards, then thinking better of it

"Are you telling me he still hasnt told her he likes her? My god" she said, clasping her glass of wine

"hes a bit shy bless him" Robyn replied

"A bit?!"

"He needs some dutch courage I think" Max had chimed in

"No, no, Ethan has probably never been drunk in his life. No"

"You would be surprised Doctor Hanna" she heard Cal pull up a chair behind her, and he sat on it with a whiskey in his hand

"He'll get there. He just needs to finish that up" he continued, glancing at Ethan, catching his eye then making a "_down it"_ motion. Ethan immediately obeyed and started spluttering, shaking his head at Cal, looking a little traumatised

"Oh poor Ethan, this is tragic" she mused

"Its not as easy as you think going to speak to someone you like" Max offered, drinking his own drink with a bit more speed then usual. She glanced at him

"and on that note, im gonna go and get myself a double. Anyone want to join? Cal? I know the wicked witch of the west hasnt got her eye on you, but im sure we can find you someone else" he said, a cheeky glint in his eye

"Connie, really?" Zoe asked, looking at Cal. They didnt seem like a match, in the slightest

"I like powerful women" Cal said, staring at his drink "yup"

"and they dont like you" Robyn grinned at him

"says the nurse" Cal hit back, with a joking grin on his face. They both laughed

Max gave her a silent look, motioning to the bar. She pondered it in her head for moment, deciding that it wouldn't hurt anyone. She thought of it as a reward for listening to Connie and Guy for so long. With that, she stood up

"Drink then fag or fag then drink?" she asked, and he grinned. It was nice to be able to hang out in a social setting, with other people they knew. People at work saw them having cigarette breaks all the time, so this seemed nothing out the norm

"Oh, definitely the fag first. I could murder one" Max had said, pressing the lift door, and before they knew it, they were outside.

* * *

><p>Max breathed in. maybe this was his chance. They were on their own, she had her guard down a little more tonight.<p>

"_Zo-_" he started, lighting up his own fag and offering her his lighter, which she took

"_Max-"_ she tried to break away the sentence. She could tell by the way he had been with her earlier that something like this was going to happen

"Don't" she said, taking in her first drag

"I miss you" he said to her, breathing in his first drag and looking to the side slightly, before looking her in the eye

"things were good with us" he quietly reminded her

"and they still can be. As friends" Zoe responded, accentuating the word friends. The truth was, she didnt want to be his friend. She was pretty sure she had fallen for him, but he was young. He would get bored and within a year she would be heartbroken, again, and she couldnt deal with that. It was like watching a car crash that she knew was going to happen. It would be in the back of her mind constantly. It was meant to be a fling

"what, golf buddies? Zo I dont want to be just your friend" he shot her another pleading glance, willing her to be able to look him in the eye

"Max, I cant. I just want to be your friend. No complications"

"Is this the new years resolution? Act your age?"

"Im way older then you, you'll meet someone and you'll realise"

"ive had girlfriends and-"

"Max, I just want to be friends, thats the best I can do right now"

"Ok" he said, silently, stubbing his cigarette out

"Can we still enjoy tonight? It was all going quite well-"

"Until that total embrassing display of emotion, that we are going to say is due to the fact ive had one too many double vodkas. Im gonna just go and find Lofty. He- he wanted a word" he said, running a awkward hand through his hair and starting to go back towards the building

* * *

><p>Zoe glanced at the air, she wanted to chase after him but she didnt at the same time, she didn't know what she would say. Half of her wanted to stand where she was, smoking and feeling sorry for herself, the other half of her wanted to chase after Max, push him against the wall of the hotel and kiss him. Her thoughts got cut off<p>

"Tough night?" asked an amused voice, and she saw Connie stepping outside

"You dont smoke" Zoe commented, as the other woman walked towards her

"You quit"

"Special occasion"

"Needed some air" Connie nodded, taking in the sight "as well as a little break. Even I can't deal with too much hospital talk on my evening off"

"Everyone looks like they are having fun though. This was a good idea" Zoe nodded, looking around her

"tell your face that" Connie chuckled a little, sipping her wine. Zoe laughed a little, Connie had obviously had some dutch courage herself, that wasn't one of her usual comments

"tough day at the office" she reasoned, telling herself that, in addition to telling Connie, who nodded at her

"I can identify with that"

* * *

><p>Max was nursing a drink at the bar, when Ethan came upto the bar<p>

"Do you do triples, I would like a triple" Ethan said, quickly, standing up straight, blinking furiously

"I dont think you wanna do that Bambi" Max laughed in reply, and Ethan looked at him

"Perhaps not. Double?"

"Doubles acceptable"

"OK, ill do that"

"So, have you, found your Honey?" he asked, a grin spreading across his face, he was attempting not to laugh

"I just. I cant just go over"

"Sure you can. Look, shes on her own right now. She likes you, a porter can tell"

"How can you tell?"

"Well, besides pushing trolleys and cleaning for a living, part of the job is patient care. Reading people. She brings you more free coffees then the lot of us together, and shes always pushing that trolley down to whatever ward your on, but anyone else has to go to the cafe. Honestly, if you werent so scared you would see it"

"Right. You really think so, this isnt a set up?"

"Im your mate Ethan, I would hardly set you up. And anyway, if I see you try and take a step then step back one more time, im gonna push you myself. Now skip the double, and go get your laddddy" he said, nudging Ethan a little. He looked a little giddy

"I think I will. Thanks Max!" he grinned a little, before walking over. He got ¾ of the way before stopping and wheeling around, where Max gave him a nod. He saw Ethan take a breath, then walk over to Honey and greet her. She looked delighted. He grinned

"Right little cupid you" Robyn remarked, taking the seat next to him as the barman placed Ethans drink on the bar

"ill be having that" she said, a small smile forming on her lips

"are you drunk enough to tell me who the mystery woman is?" she asked, turning to him suddenly

"Nope" he said, a small chuckle ensuing. He didnt have a mystery woman anymore

* * *

><p><em>It was his dads birthday and Max was trying to avoid his feelings about it. He did every year, he just wanted to move on, get past it, but the birthday was always the hardest one. He had deleted the calender alerts on his facebook, he had cut all ties, not that his dad had tried to contact him ever, so his dad had technically cut the ties.<em>

_He tried to keep Robyn out of it, they only shared the same mum,she didnt need to know about his messed up history. Her dad was great, he lived half an hour away, was a great laugh, clearly adored Robyn and had adored their mum._

_He was in the pub after a long day. Alone. He didnt think he would be the best company tonight_

"_3 large whiskeys, be gentle with the ice" he had ordered, sighing a little that this had managed to get to him again_

"_woah, easy there sailor" he looked up into the brown eyes that belonged to Zoe, who was looking at him, a little amused paired with a little concerned _

"_Whats with the heavy drinking?" _

"_Long day" he said, paying the barman and pulling the drinks towards him_

"_Not even offering me one, must have been a long day" she said, tilting her head to one side. He offered her one_

"_Im not really a whiskey girl. Large red please, Paul" she addressed the barman, pressing a five pound note into his hand_

"_How did you know I was here?" he asked, noting that there were no other staff with her. So she must of come on her own_

"_Oh, I just fancied a lonely drink. And then you were at the bar" Zoe replied, casually. The truth was, Max had been offish all day, she had never seen him like that, so she decided to pop by on the off chance that he was there. And if not, she would have had her glass of red, either way._

"_Ah" he said, drinking one of his drinks, shaking his head, and then putting it back onto the counter, he went to pick up the second_

_'Whats wrong?" Zoe asked, her eyes narrowed _

"_Nothing"_

"_Being stubborn is not going to help" she said, clutching her wine and taking a small measure_

"_Its nothing Zo, honest" he replied, trying to be honest_

"_Come sit" she said, finding them a quiet, undisturbed corner of the pub_

"_Your off the clock you dont need to do this. The staff concern thing"_

"_Im not concerned about the staff, im concerned about you" she said, smiling at him, winning herself a smile in retaliation. Max couldnt help but remember when he had tried to buy "the boss" a drink, and he had come out with a similar remark himself _

"_Its stupid. Not even stupid, actually pathetic" he replied, kneading his hands together then taking his next drink_

"_Its my dads birthday. I manage to sufficiently forget about him every other day of the year, but today. It just gets me. Sad and kiddish and not really a reason to be drinking whiskey" he mumbled, quickly, and Zoe frowned _

"_Oh Max" she sighed, rubbing his knee from under the table_

"_You dont need to tell yourself when and when not to feel pain, of course its going to hurt" she said, sadly, looking at him. He was always the court jester, the fun one, but when she saw sadness in his eyes, its all she could see._

_Max sighed himself. He didnt want to feel like such a sad case_

_Zoe knew that he wasnt used to being emotional, he didnt want to be emotional. He didnt want to feel like he depended on anyone. She got it, she was the postergirl for "not being a victim" _

"_get rid of that drink and get outside" she ordered, standing up and finishing her wine. He downed his third drink intregued _

_He followed her down an alleyway_

"_Are you going to attack me?" he asked, humour creeping back into his voice. She looked amused_

"_Option one, come back to mine, we can open a bottle and chat. Option two, come back to mine, and we can go straight to bed" she gave him a small wink, and placed a hand around his back, lightly, her voice getting huskier_

_He closed his eyes and smiled. He was so grateful to have Zoe, someone who got him. She had given him the option to either pour his heart out, or not to. She didnt force him to reveal his emotions in the way that everyone else tried to_

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and closed the gap between them, kissing her at first lightly. He kissed her passionately, holding her tight, passion that was soon returned on her part as she ran a hand through his hair and cupped his cheeks. _

_They broke apart briefly_

"_Option two" he decided, breathlessly, and quick as lightening, she had ran out the alley and hailed a cab._

_Later on, they laid in Zoes bed. He had an arm wrapped around her, she was lieing on his chest, listening to his heart, feeling more relaxed then she had in weeks _

"_Max" she asked, softly, incase he had fallen asleep_

"_Mmm" he hazily responded_

"_For what its worth, what happened with your dad reflects way more on him than you" she quietly said, as she saw the moonlight fall onto his face. She saw him geuniely smile_

"_Thank you" he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her forehead, as she closed her eyes. He pulled her even closer, and although she usually wasnt a cuddly person, being held in his arms had always felt so safe, even more so tonight. She didnt think about the fact she was falling for Max, or the fact that one day it would all be ending. She thought about now, and for now, it was perfect._

* * *

><p>Max's phone went off, it was his mum<p>

"Oh, missed call from Mum, probably another new boyfriend" he cheekily grinned, and Robyn whacked him on the shoulder

"give over, shes been with Adrian for months now, shes turned a real corner. Ring her back its probably important"

"she rang me last night to tell me she switched to semi skimmed milk" he raised an eyebrow, and they both laughed

"ring her back" she pressed, and he did a mock sigh, picking up his phone and ringing her back. The music was starting to get a little louder, so he went to stand outside the function room

"Max, thank god!" he heard his mum pick up the phone, she didnt sound like her chirpy self, she sounded panicked

"Whats wrong?" he asked, immediately sobering up. He had only heard that tone from his mother once in his life, when he was younger. The news had possibly been the one thing in life that he couldn't handle, the one thing that still had the power to derail him now

"come over I need to tell you in person" she started rambling, he cut her off

"mum tell me now, im not gonna be able to get to yours for about an hour, if buses are even running, its just gone twelve" he hissed into the phone, he could see other people around the corridor, and he did not want to be their midnight entertainment

"Max- I cant-"

"Mum, please, what is it" he walked into the lobby, into a quiet corner, praying that nobody saw him

"its bad" he heard her voice trembling, and he felt he last bit of alcohol drain from him. He was stone cold sober now, and his mum was in trouble

"are you ok? Are you hurt?" he asked, trying not to become frantic

"its not me" she replied, softly. Her voice muffled a little, as if she had been crying

"the police came over earlier today" she started, and Max's breathing rapidly gained pace, he almost knew was she was going to say

"you see, im still down as your dads next of kin" she continued, and he stood against the wall, relying on it for support so he could still stand up

"im so sorry Max, he died of a heart attack. Just this morning" she finally had delivered the news, the news he had known she was going to tell him, ever since he heard her tired, frightened voice pick up the phone

"um-" he started, but he couldnt speak. He shuddered slightly

"gotta go" he quietly responded, looking to the floor

"Max!" he heard his mum say one last time, before he cut off the call. He felt his eyes filling up, he felt his breathing hitch, he could barely breathe, he had to go.

He started running, running towards the lift, he pushed the button, whacked the button but it was too slow, he ran towards the stairs, running down all six flights without a backward glance, he ran outside, not even taking a sidewards glance at Zoe, who had been joined by Connie, he sprinted away, he heard a small shout, he had heard his phone going off again but he couldn't deal with it, not now

"Max?" Zoe asked, stepping forward, looking concerned, he was pale, his eyes had glazed over a little, as if he was about to cry. That couldnt be because of her, surely. He ran straight past them both, not taking a backward glance

Connie gave him an odd look and shook her head, disregarding what she had just seen

"Free bars are the devil" she remarked, turning around and starting to walk back in. Zoe was frozen. Something was definitely wrong

One thing was for sure. Max's world had been turned upside down, yet again.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! Glad everyones liking the story, just hoping that im staying as true to the characters as possible because this is a whole new direction! Keep the reviews coming I love to know what everyone thinks! :)

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><p>Max was in an alleyway. He was frozen, it was raining, he didn't know how many hours had passed since he had ran from the event and at the moment, he didn't care. His dad was dead. His dad. The dad who raised him for a bit then left, and left the biggest hole in his life. Now he was gone. No chance of him coming back and making up for the past, no football banter, he wouldn't be at his wedding, he wouldn't be able to come for christmas dinner, he wouldn't be able to send birthday cards, anything.<p>

He was dead. His mum had identified him, his body was cremated, he was already gone, it was so final, so sudden. It had just been a normal Friday when he woke up, and now the woman he loved had told him that she only wanted to be his friend, and his dad was dead. Everything had just turned on its head and he couldn't process it

* * *

><p>Robyn had just got off the phone to her mum, who had frantically called Robyn as soon as Max had hung up. Robyn walked around the function room, praying that he was drowning his sorrows somewhere she could see him, somewhere she could look after him. She saw Lofty<p>

"You ok?" he asked, giving her an odd look

"Yeah, top. You seen Max?" she asked, trying to sound casual about it. She didn't want everyone knowing just yet, it wasn't her place, it was Max's. And she figured that if he would tell anyone, Lofty was probably his closest confidante. Not that she had seen him in the last 2 hours, and Lofty didn't look all that concerned

"Nope. Oh, tell me he hasn't pulled! How did he manage that at this place! He's a porter, they are all world class doctors..good on him.." Lofty chuckled a little, and Robyn chuckled back convincingly. Max was the opposite to her, any problems, she needed people around her, a support system. Max dealt with all the big stuff on his own.

"Better not have" she blurted out, hoping that she wasn't sounding worried, giving the game away.

She started to walk down the stairs, she saw Zoe and Connie in the lobby. It might be worth an ask. Well Zoe, anyway, Connie didn't care.

"Zoe!" she said, it came out a little louder then she had hoped. Zoe wheeled around, looking a little scared

Zoe flinched as she heard Robyn call her name. Had Max told her, was she about to get a dressing down in front of her boss, Connie?

"Have you seen Max?" Robyn asked, trying again not to show any concern on her face. She caught Zoe's eyes flickering with concern

"I saw him running out of here a couple of hours ago. I tried to shout after him but he just sprinted past" Zoe answered, truthfully, folding her arms across her chest

"Probably a little too much liqueur" Connie said, a small pursed smile spreading across her face "we've all done it"

"Is everything ok Robyn?" Zoe asked, looking at the crease in Robyn's brow, the obvious concern. something was definitely wrong, and whatever it was was bigger then her rejecting him. She tried to keep the tone professional, as Connie was standing right next to her

Robyn wrestled with her feelings. Should she tell them? Max probably would need time off..

She restrained herself

"Fine. Fine. Just had a bit of bad news, thats all" she answered, taking a deep breath "it'll be ok" she said, more to herself then the two female doctors in front of her, who were observing her, Zoe looked concerned

"If you need anything just give me a call yeah?" Zoe said, giving her a warm smile

"Thanks" Robyn nodded, and walked out of the lobby, trying to think where he could of possibly gone

* * *

><p>Zoe watched Robyn go<p>

"Wonder what that was about" she said, more to herself then Connie

"Hopefully nothing too serious" Connie mused, and Zoe was surprised. Connie was actually taking an interest in a staff member. Must be the drink, she thought

"He looked pretty shocked about something" Connie thought out loud "I'm sure it'll be fine" she said, and like that, she turned off the thought in her head.

Zoe couldn't do the same. she lifted her phone quietly, dialling Max, praying he would pick up

_"Hi this is Max, congratulations, you've reached my voicemail. Leave a message and ill get back to you.." _

Zoe closed her eyes and wondered what could possibly of affected him so badly that he ran away, from her, his sister.

She remembered when she found him drinking in the pub. Kind of like her, he wasn't one for a problem shared, a problem halved. He dealt with it on his own

* * *

><p>Max sat in the alleyway, shaking a little from the cold. He heard the sound of the pubs reaching midnight, the clock in the town centre chimed. He heard the giggling girls on their nights out, the couples hurrying back to their flats for some alone time, or for some, one night stands. He heard taxis, parents.<p>

He couldn't of felt further away from it all. This one piece of news had disconnected him from the world, and he didn't know how to bring himself back. Usually on Friday nights, he was either mopping up the sick or being the one at the clubs, bringing in the shots. Or more recently, having nights in hotels and bars out of town whenever him and Zoe had the same shift off

He dragged his phone out his pocket, and saw 10 missed calls from Robyn, and 5 from his mum. He knew that meant his mum had called Robyn and filled her in. That almost made it worse, he didn't want to talk about it. She would be sympathetic, she would make him cups of tea and mother him, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't the guy with the problems and he didn't want to be seen that way by anyone, especially by his own sister

He saw one more missed called from Zoe, and winced. Hopefully nobody had told her. He had heard her shout after him earlier, but he knew if he faced her he would of broke down, and he didn't want to break down, he didn't know what to feel, what to do, if he was even meant to be upset, he barely even knew the man in the end

He went out into the town centre, which was now dead. He sat in the middle of it on a bench, watching the rain fall, watching the hours pass, feeling numb. A figure came up behind him..

* * *

><p>"Mark?" came the one voice that in this situation, was his worst case scenario<p>

"its Max" he said, to the air in front of him, knowing the figure behind him was Dylan. Dylan who lived with Zoe, Dylan who couldn't even be bothered to learn his name. Dylan who was always making him feel even more inferior then he already felt

"So sitting in the city centre, sopping wet, with a face like a slapped bottom is your new way of pulling?" Dylan asked, looking at him, a brow raised

"and why exactly are you here?" Max retorted, harshly. Dylan raised his eyebrow again. He had never heard that tone before

"Night shifts. Make me a little nocturnal. Got called in earlier and just finished. How was the function"

"Fine" Max replied, and left Dylan even more confused. He didn't care for Max, he didn't know enough about him to. But he did know that Zoe cared for him, and he also knew that usually he would be bantering him back, or trying to make him feel uncomfortable

"Shouldn't you call it a day and head home? I mean nobodies going to want to be transported by a damp porter tomorrow" Dylan lamented, and Max chuckled a little

"I suppose so" Max said, quietly, not looking at the other man

"She still cares" Dylan suddenly said, breaking the silence after a few minutes. Max looked at him, inviting him to continue

"Zoe. She cares" Dylan offered, crossing his arms. he didn't really get into the lives of the staff, or friends, but maybe that might boost him up a little

"it isn't about Zoe" Max replied, barely audible, shaking his head, his wet fringe sticking to his head. A little bit of water sprayed Dylan

"Like my dog" he remarked, shaking his head and looking a little disgusted, Max laughed again. Maybe Dylan was the right person to have in this situation. At least he didn't try and talk about the feelings, at least he was still his own, strange condescending self.

Both men sat, getting rained on. Dylan, thinking a little bit about Sam after one of her colleagues had been treated at the ED, and Max, thinking about how he could ever feel normal and complete again

* * *

><p>Zoe got out the taxi and got home, smiling with delight as she could finally take her heels off. As much as she hated to admit it, they really were starting to hurt her feet<p>

"Dylan?" she asked, seeing one of the lights on the boat had been left on. She was almost happy, that meant he was still up, and that he would talk to her. Or at least, she could talk at him and have a sounding board

She went in his room and found it empty. She switched off the light and opened herself a bottle of wine, pouring herself a glass. She wasn't drunk, or sober. She was somewhere neatly in the middle

She rang Dylan, deciding it was best to at least know where he was

He picked up after about 3 rings

"Hello?"

"So you tell me off about straighters and you left a light on" she chuckled

"Completely different, but continue" he replied

"Where are you?"

"Got called into work, on my way back now" he said, quickly, getting off the bench and giving Max a small hand gesture that he understood to be "bye". Max didn't acknowledge it, he continued to stare into space. it was still raining

"weathers rubbish" Zoe commented

"Yeah. Although your 12 year old seems to like it" he said, dryly, out of earshot

"What do you mean?" Zoe asked, getting up

"Max. He's been sitting in the city centre getting soaked for what looked like the last four hours" Dylan told her, internally shaking his head

"Dylan! Did you not tell him to go home?" she asked, sighing. She was a little relieved, at least he was safe

"Hes a grown boy Zoe, he doesn't want to go home. He's not doing any harm, he's just sitting"

"Its cold"

"You tell him to go home then"

"see you at home" Zoe said, cutting off the call. she didn't know what to do, whether she should go and talk to him, see whats wrong. Or if she should text Robyn, or Lofty. But then she would have to explain to them why she knew.

She pondered for a moment. It wasn't too much of an odd scenario. And even if Max didn't want her around, he needed someone, obviously.

* * *

><p>She picked up the phone and dialled Robyn, who picked up on the first ring<p>

"Zoe? did you need me in?" she asked, sounding tired and concerned

"No, no, relax. I just rang to tell you Dylan found Max on his way home"

"Oh thank god! Is he ok?" she asked, sounding frantic

"Sounds like he's ok, yeah. He's in the city centre"

"Did he mention him being drunk at all, I mean he gets drunk at the best of times but losing his dads a whole different thing-" she started, and then she took a shaking breath. Zoe's eyes widened. Everything was suddenly explained

"He didn't no" she said, softly

"Please don't tell him i told you he'll go ballistic, he doesn't even know I know" Robyn quickly said. She was so angry at herself, why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut, just this one time

"Robyn don't worry, your concerned about him, sometimes that means blurting out a bit of random information. I won't tell anyone, promise"

"Did Dylan say where he was?" Robyn asked, and Zoe mulled over what to do next. She decided that she was going to go and get Max, she owed him that at least. And she also knew, as much as he loved Robyn, she would drive him crazy in this sort of situation

Or did she know that? she didn't even know what she did and didn't know anymore

"Dylans with him, don't worry. Sleep" Zoe said, her soothing tone calming Robyn down straight away

"Thank you. please get him to call if he needs anything" she added, and Zoe heard footsteps. she assumed Robyn was pacing up and down the hallway, in the same way that she was pacing right now

"Sure" came Zoe's quick response

"Thank you" Robyn said again, before hanging up. Zoe sank onto the bed, she didn't even know how she was going to deal with this. This was the one thing that had the power to get to Max. More then his dad merely being absent, he was actually dead. She didn't even know if she could help

She tied her jacket, and a scarf, and got an umbrella out. She had to try and help at least. She knew it was tricky, she knew she needed boundaries because if she offered herself as a shoulder to lean on, they might start getting attached to each other again. But she had to do something


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks so much for all the reviews guys they really keep me going! Thank you! Still trying hard to keep them in character. and i don't want to throw them together again straight away!

* * *

><p>Zoe walked along the street, on her on, in the dark, in her heels, while it was raining. So pretty much everything that Max had warned her against earlier. But for once, he needed her. Well, she hoped he needed her. Earlier, before the events of the night had happened, they were in a good place. But now, she had rejected him, and his dad had died. The two points of the evening seemed worlds apart.<p>

She saw Dylan's figure, walking back towards the boat. He approached her, knowing exactly what she was doing

"You can't be serious, you have a shift in a few hours" he commented, sighing a little and taking in her appearance. She hadn't changed, her make up was a little smudged from the nights events, and despite the fact her feet were killing her, she was still wearing heels

"I have to-"

"You don't have to do anything"

"You don't get it-" she started, and he held a hand up

"Sometimes when people are say, wallowing. Something I never do, but when they are, they need to be alone" he replied, thinking of when he was sitting on the bench next to the younger man earlier. They hadn't talked, they had sat in a comfortable silence. At first it was uncomfortable, but they accepted that they didn't need to talk

"Its not just wallowing its worse then that" she said, sighing "i don't even know what im doing to be honest, i just know he was there for me when i had a bad day"

"and I said earlier on that he was the one who had it bad"

"im just being there for a friend, nothing else. i would do the same for you"

"alright. just don't be surprised if it doesn't go to plan, because the wallower i saw didn't look like he wanted company" Dylan warned, paired with a curt nod. Then he walked away

* * *

><p>She shivered a little and walked towards the town centre. She was about 5 minutes away now, apparently he was on the bench outside the pub. She tried to run through her head what she would say, but she just didn't know. She knew how to deal with patient loss, that happened daily. She had always hated breaking the news to relatives, but dealing with them after was easier. She wasn't completely attached to the relatives, she didn't have to have all the right answers, or the right things to say, she knew the medical side, not the personal side. The family then dealt with that bit.<p>

Max hadn't even asked for her, he hadn't even answered her call. She was completely out of her depth.

She stepped towards the bench Dylan described, taking in his silhouette. She could tell by the way his hair was flattened that he was completely soaked, she saw water dripping off his hands, his face, his hair. He was just completely still. If if hadn't been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, she would question if he was breathing.

She watched him for a bit, feeling completely unsure how to approach him. She knew his dad was the once thing in his life that caused him to fall apart, and he had just heard about his death.

She wasn't used to feeling this out of her depth, she didn't ever not know what to say, especially to Max. She was normally so uninhibited around him, so free, but this had changed it all, this wasn't some banter, or a glass of wine at the pub. This was probably the toughest thing he was ever going to face

She kept stepping towards him then rocking back, knowing that she didn't have the words of comfort that he so desperately needed. He hadn't called anyone, he hadn't told anyone, he didn't want anyone, he started to shiver, which sprung her into action

"Max?" she spoke quietly, as the rain heavier. She put her umbrella up. He had his eyes squeezed shut, and only that voice would of given him the strength to plunge himself out of the darkness

"Zoe" he spoke softly, but that wasn't reflected in his actions as he wheeled around speedily, his eyes wide, and brimmed with red;

"tell me you didn't walk here" he said, his head buried into his knees. He was trying to work out what had gone on, he shut his eyes, squeezing them shut. Dylan? Dylan didn't care enough to call Zoe to him, by the expression on his face the other night, he hated the fact he was with Zoe, or had been. He called him Mark for gods sake, why would he even care?

"Dylan?" he mumbled, more to himself

"I called Dylan, he mentioned he found you. And yes, i walked here"

"in the dark alone" he shook his head, and she shook her own. Everything that was going on and he still thought of her safety.

"in the dark alone" she repeated, and he kept his head down. He had a feeling she knew, he knew his mum would of been straight on the phone to Robyn, and he also knew Robyn, god love her; was a motormouth at the best of times, let alone when she was probably looking for him. He touched his phone through his pocket, suddenly feeling a pang of regret that he didn't text her. She was probably going out of her mind

"Max?" she asked again, going to sit down

"Don't sit down its soaking' he said, his voice clouding over a little, he had switched himself off from the situation again, the people around him.

He didn't want to talk to Zoe, he knew she was going to bring it up and he knew he didn't have the strength to be stoic in front of her. it was easy with Dylan, Dylan wasn't really anything to him. Dylan wouldn't try and comfort him. He knew Zoe would

"Good enough for you though" she noted, taking off her jacket and sitting down, shivering slightly at the cold

"Zo please go" he pleaded with her, he didn't want her seeing him like this, he didn't want anyone seeing him like this, he just wanted to be alone, he couldn't be with people at the moment

"Im not going anywhere" she answered, putting a comforting hand on his back and rubbing it in circles, she felt his breath hitch, but knew it was more of an emotional response then anything

"please" he repeated, one more time, his voice sounding even more muffled

"oh Max im so sorry" she said, sadly, holding the umbrella over him and rubbing his back, putting an arm around his shoulder

"who told you?" he asked, quietly, so quiet he was almost mumbling, he didn't sound angry, just confused

"Robyn. Don't be angry at her it was a total accident"

"does the whole hospital know?" he asked, counting on her to tell him if they did. He was hoping they didn't, he was hoping as he hadn't seen the boys searching round for him that they didn't know, he didn't want them to know

"No, just me. I rang her shortly after Dylan told me he found you" she replied, with an apologetic tone "i told her Dylan would look out for you, I was assuming you didn't want any fuss. but at the same time, sitting in the city centre attempting to catch pneumonia isn't the best idea" she said slowly, and they both chuckled a little at the last sentence. his temporary smile faded

"I don't need looking out for" he replied, stubbornly

"Max, your dads just died, you do" she said, honestly. she hadn't meant to say the "D" word. She heard him sniff at the mention of it, he placed his head back on his knees, she saw his back shake a little, as if he was crying. it was if until now he had held it all in

"I never needed anyone before and I don't now" he said, his eyes welling up. Zoe could not see him like this, he was not a sympathy case. He was the one who lightened up her life, made her laugh, made her was the one he loved, not the one who he dragged down with emotional baggage.

He suddenly jumped up

"I can't do this. not here, not now, not with you, not about this, none of it he said, suddenly, stumbling over his words, staring to stutter. It took him every bit of strength he had to leap up from Zoe's embrace, it was something he missed so much every night, something that right at this moment he was craving more then ever, but he couldn't. He knew it was pity, he knew that things would never be the same. He would never be the same. Their feelings had been aired earlier

"Max, come on come back to the boat, your soaking and your not thinking straight" she said, in the softest tone he had heard from her. He caught her eye and found himself lost in her eyes, the warm brown. He wanted nothing more then to hold Zoe all night, even if he was awake. But he couldn't. He couldn't even connect with the situation

"Ive gotta go" he said, turning in the other direction, before fishing some money out his wallet, and pressing it into Zoe's hand. He felt the spark as he brushed her hand for that moment, he wanted to cling to it

"don't walk" he simply told her

"please come back, let me help you. And I don't need _this_" she replied, waving his money at him, but he didn't step forward

"you didn't want to earlier" he shakily said, holding his wallet, every part of him shaking, his voice, his arms, his legs, his bottom lip. The bottom lip was usually the telltale sign that he was going to cry, and he knew he needed to turn and leave before this happened, he didn't want to cry in front of her

"thats not fair" she replied, and deep down, he knew that. but right now, he didn't even know the time, the date, he had forgotten everything apart from the fact his dad was reduced to some ashes in a tin

"life doesn't seem to be fair" he replied, sadly, his head bowed down and his voice thick, before turning his back on her. Zoe looked up, trying to force herself not to well up

"Max" she shouted, and watched his retreating back. She knew that right now, there was no getting through to him

* * *

><p>She sniffed as she got back to the boat, and was surprised to see Dylan holding a blanket and a cup of tea, which he passed to her<p>

"How bad?" he simply asked her, crossing his arms

"Off the scale" she said, quietly, fishing a make up wipe from her bag and starting to wipe away her make-up, slowly. She shuddered involuntary, as a combination of the cold and the horrible situation unfolding

"How do I help, he's just lost a parent, how can I help him?" she asked herself, before realising she had inadvertently told Dylan. She placed her head in her hands, now knowing exactly how Robyn had felt earlier

"please don't say anything" she said, quietly, watching Dylan's slightly wide eyed reaction. He had a small pang of realisation

"So thats what he meant when he said it wasn't about you. That would do it" he nodded to himself, before giving Zoe a uncharacteristically reassuring tap on the shoulder

"Am I the type to sit with Noel, Louise, and the barrista or whatever she calls herself, gossiping about the other staffs personal lives?" he asked her, and she gave him a watery chuckle

"Nope"

"So you need to dry off, sleep it off, and be there in the morning. He'll come to you when he's ready" Zoe looked up and gave him a smile, this was the side of Dylan that not everyone saw. Sometimes he was compassionate.

"What makes you sure?"

"He heard it a few hours ago, he's processing" Dylan responded, wisely "let him be" he said, one more time, before heading to bed

"and if its any consolation, even if he looks about 12, he seems ok" he said, and Zoe smiled a little. That was indirectly Dylans seal of approval. Not that she needed it anymore. He was a million miles away, and she wasn't sure he was going to come back anytime soon


	8. Chapter 8

So so overwhelmed by the response to this, thank you so much! Who watched the ep tonight? I just want them together! Thanks so much for the reviews, keep them coming! Going to bring back the flashbacks, so there will be a little fluff alongside the drama! XX

* * *

><p>It was the morning after, and Zoe had had about 2 hours sleep. 2 hours sleep, a headache, and she is was still worried about Max. She didn't even know where he had gone. She wanted to ring Robyn and ask if he made it home, but she knew it would sound odd<p>

She went out to the front part of the boat, where there was a cup of coffee. She smiled and internally thanked Dylan, before getting herself ready. Today was going to be a long day, and probably not for the right reasons

She opened the door to her office to see Connie, buried under the usual pile of paperwork

"Morning" Connie had said, and Zoe had taken a moment to wonder how she could look so pristine after a late night. She quickly checked her own reflection, aware that she had bags under her eyes

"did someone continue the party at home?" Connie chuckled a little, and Zoe nodded

"it seems so"

"well its not too busy at the moment and i have plenty of admin if you would like to join me" she motioned to Zoe's desk, which already had a pile of paperwork on there

"oh I thought you would never ask" she replied, and she saw Connie smile a little

"Have you seen Max this morning?" she asked as she took her coat off and sat down, trying to drop it in as casually as she could

"Max?" Connie asked, bemused

"Max the porter, Robyn's brother"

"Ah right. Yes, I think so, came in about an hour ago. Another one who looks like the party went on a bit too late" she remarked, putting her head back down, and Zoe shook her head. What was he doing in work?

* * *

><p>"Max!" he turned around upon hearing Robyn's voice, knowing he was due a lecture. Before he knew it, he was engulfed in a hug<p>

"Im so sorry" she said to him softly, before slapping him around the head slightly, mid hug "don't you ever worry me like that again, where did you even sleep?!"

"I didn't really" he admitted, breaking away from the hug

"why are you even at work bro, I'm sure even Connie understands bereavement" Robyn noted, a little loudly for his liking, and Max shushed her

"Nobody needs to know, I do not need time off"

"Max-" Robyn started

"Everyone needs to stop fussing. Im fine" he answered, sighing and walking away

"Whose fussing?! Im the only one who knows?" Robyn spoke to herself more then anything, before passing Zoe in the corridor, who looked at Max's retreating back, and she then looked at Robyn

"should he be here?" Zoe asked, and Robyn was glad it was Zoe she was speaking to rather then Connie. Zoe knew, and she looked genuinely concerned

"i don't know, he didn't even get home last night" she shrugged "its like he's pretending its not happening". Zoe put a hand on Robyn's shoulder

"He just needs to process it. Try and see if he'll take some time off though, won't you?"

"Course. He needs to, even if he doesn't realise it yet" Robyn drew a deep breath, and they went in separate directions

* * *

><p>Max wheeled a patient into resus, avoiding Zoe's stare, he didn't need to talk, he didn't want to talk. He just wanted to forget and move on. He was avoiding Robyn aswell, not to be cruel, but he didn't need to be ambushed with time off and mothering right now. He just needed to try and muddle through<p>

He was back on his way to reception

"Jesus Max, you look like death!" Cal said, grinning a little. Max grinned back

"and i suppose your doing your Brad Pitt look today?" he answered, Cal cackled

"So, get this. I have heard on authority that Connie has been getting it on with Guy Self"

"No way" a smile spread across Max's face. This was what he needed, idle gossip, banter with the guys. He didn't need everything changing

"Who is this authority?" he asked

"Well i offered her a drink and she said no and walked over to him"

"So she rejected you, so she must be sleeping with someone else. Easy explanation but a little tragic" Both men laughed, and saw Ethan walking through the ED, greeted by Honey who started to walk alongside him

"is this a parallel universe or is Ethan the luckiest in the love department right now?" Cal mused

"nope, it genuinely seems that we are the lost boys, and Eths gone all prince charming. another example of the word tragic"

"boys night out soon?" Cal offered

"Definitely" Max agreed. They were both leaning on the desk, before seeing the resus doors swing open, and both men stood up straight

"Going for a fag" Max quickly diverted, seeing that Zoe was walking out

"Your grave, literally" Cal nodded, going into resus

* * *

><p>He leaned against the wall, taking in his surroundings. 24 hours ago he was leaning against this very wall, thinking about walking to Zoe's. Everything was so much simpler 24 hours ago, when his main objective was to win the woman he loved back<p>

"Max, what are you doing here?" came the voice he was just thinking of, and he looked around to see Zoe, puffing her own cigarette

"Thought you had a patch now?" he asked

"Thought you didn't avoid difficult conversations"

"Touche" he waggled his eyebrows at her, making her laugh

"the french again, really?"

"Lets be honest, you looked impressed" he grinned, watching as an involuntary smile started to appear on Zoes face. He took a long drag out of his cigarette and closed his eyes

"so lets start again, why are you here?" Zoe asked, her brows knitting together

"working" Max answered

"but-"

"but nothing, is it going to benefit me more sitting at home or will is benefit me more making money? i know what dad would of chosen"

"you need time to grieve. Max you didn't even go home last night"

"nice to know Robyn's been tactful as ever"

"thats not fair, she's worried" she stepped a little closer to him, forcing him to look at her. He inhaled her perfume and put his cigarette to the side for a moment, just taking in the smell of coco chanel and cigarettes "I'm worried" she admitted, and for the second time in 24 hours, their eyes met

"don't be. I'm fine" he said, shortly, and Zoe shook her head

"how can you be, hey?"

"dad didn't care when he left me. and I'm not gonna care just because he's made it more permanent" Max reasoned, stubbing his cigarette out on the floor with a stamp, and heading back inside

* * *

><p>Max walked into the locker room, turning on his phone quickly<p>

"Max, mail for you" Noel came in, handing him a letter dated from 2 days ago

"Personal service"

"Always" Noel grinned "to be honest, its really quiet and if i sit there any longer I'm gonna get DVT" he admitted, and Max laughed. Noel left, and Max opened the letter

_"Max_,

_if you hadn't already guessed by the handwriting, its your dad. i know most people email or tweet these days but i haven't got my head around that lark. _

_I know i haven't been in touch for a while, and that was all pretty crap, but i needed to sort my head out and i have now. things are good now. You have every reason to say no, but I was wondering if you wanted to go for a pint with your old man? Beer, football, a bit of a catch up? i know 9+ years is a lot to catch up, and i know its my fault but ill explain it when I see you. If i see you. I've wanted to write for a while but I've chickened out. hopefully this time around will be different. _

_Took me a while to track you down, your mum told me you worked at the hospital, so hopefully I've got the right one. Hope to see you soon_

_ps. a workplace with smart and beautiful women, well in!_

_love from your Dad_"

His eyes widened, and threatened to brim with tears. His dad had tried to contact him. He had reached out and died a day after he had posted the letter. Life was a pile of crap sometimes. He kicked his locker in frustration, burying the letter in his jeans pocket. He put his jacket on, with every intention to go for a pint. Without his dad

"Hey" Robyn said, walking into the staffroom "hows it going?" she asked, noticing that he was ignoring her. He had a steely glare in his eyes, which looked a little red

he walked out the staffroom, Robyn followed

"Max, talk to me" she said, trying to stand in front of him but he dodged her. Louise and Noel peered over reception, wondering what exactly was going on

"I've changed my mind. I feel sick, I'm going home" he said, simply, walking out the door, in earshot of Lofty, Ethan and Cal, who were all nursing coffees and making the most of the quiet

"whats going on with him?" Lofty asked, looking a little concerned

"don't ask" Robyn shook her head, trying not to cry herself. It was only going to get worse. She watched Max cross the road, and disappear, he didn't have his bag, which meant he had no keys, no change of clothes.

* * *

><p>Cal headed back to resus, shrugging off the Max incident<p>

"patient needs to go CT, can you page Max, I just saw him so he'll be quick" Tess asked, handing him a file as soon as he walked in. Connie was hovering, and Zoe was working on another patient

"since the diva went home, we'll need someone else, who else is on the floor?"

Tess looked puzzled, and Zoe's head snapped up

"What do you mean he's gone home?" Connie asked, looking irritated "he's one of my staff, he can't just go home without asking me" her eyes narrowed

"I said he could, he's not well" Zoe quickly jumped in

"well you should of asked" Connie said, with equal speed

"its quiet today, we'll live without him for the afternoon. Im gonna take a break" Zoe replied, walking out of resus, leaving Cal staring after her. Zoe looked concerned

* * *

><p>"You seen Max?" Zoe asked Noel, pulling on her coat and going to reception<p>

"Nope, he went off about a half hour ago. Said he was ill. Hungover if your asking me"

"Which im not" Zoe said, with a half smile, trying to keep things normal

"Hope he's alright though. He seemed fine before I gave him that letter" Noel remarked

"Letter?" Zoe repeated

"Yeah, he had some post from yesterday, looked like he had seen a ghost when he walked out here mind, and Robyns none the wiser" he carried on

"I see" she replied, looking outside, wondering what possibly could of made him leave

"im gonna go for my break now, I told Connie but she had her head buried in a patients files, which means she probably didn't hear. Could you tell her if you see her?" she asked him, and he nodded

* * *

><p>Max was on his fourth shot of vodka, the pints were too slow, he just needed to blot out the pain. He pulled out the letter again,trying to understand it. What had he meant when he said he was going to explain, what was that meant to mean. Had he tried to see him before or was this the first time. Had he ever wanted to write before?<p>

He had so many questions, but now no answers. He was never going to get answers. He had spent all these years feeling so abandoned, and it was finally going to end well for him

"Another two vodkas please mate" he said to the barman, who looked a little confused. This was his fifth order within the space of 45 minutes

"don't you wanna slow down a bit pal?" the barman said, lining up the glasses

"in a word, no" Max retorted, and the barman nodded, putting his order in front of him and taking the pound coins that Max had pushed in front of him

He focused on the word love at the bottom of the letter. Love, as if his father loved him. if he had, he wouldn't of left it god knows how many years to try and get in touch. If he got in touch a year ago, he would of had a year. A year to get to know his dad, a year to turn his back on all the pain he had felt every birthday, every christmas, every fathers day he spent with Robyn and her father, wishing his own had been there.

He took one of the shots, not even tasting it anymore

"got anything stronger?" he asked the barman, who chuckled at him

"stronger then vodka?" he shook his head

"if you've got it"

"i dont" the barman quickly said

"i guess ill have 3 more shots then"

"are you sure?"

"sure as the sky is blue"

"Alright then. but after that, im not giving you any more for at least half an hour" the barman started wiping down the bar, before serving Max 3 more shots, accompanied by a glass of water

"thats the only way your getting more" he remarked, and Max sighed, downing the shots and moving the little glasses around, his head on the bar

"your no fun" he said, to the barman

"i just don't want to be taking you-" he gestured at Max "over there" he gestured out the window to the hospital

"fair enough"

The door swung open, and Max saw Zoe. Crap. She was on her lunch. She didn't usually spend her lunches in the pub

He quickly stumbled to get off the stall, heading to a table in the corner

She heard the commotion, and breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Max in the corner

"Zo-" he slurred

"blimey how much have you knocked back, its only been about an hour" she looked at him, her eyes wide, looking from him to the empty bar, to the shot glasses

"seriously?" she asked, sitting next to him

"what else do you want me to do? everyone told me to take time off, im taking time off" he said quietly

"drowning yourself in cheap booze wasn't quite what i meant"

"I know, you girls want me drowning in my own tears"

"i want you to be ok" Zoe said, looking ahead. Max buried his head in his arms, lifting it slightly, seeing Zoe's blurry form next to him

"Noel said something about a letter" she asked, softly

"Noel needs to mind his own business"

"what was it?" she asked,and he roughly took something out of his pocket and slid it across to Zoe, who started reading. From seeing the word "Dad" etched onto the paper, she shook her head, even more so when she saw the time stamp

"lifes little joke" he muttered "can you get me another drink? the fun police over there won't serve me for another half hour"

"i think you've had enough"

"theres never enough" he replied, watching as Zoe made a call on her phone

"Hi Connie" he heard her say

"Zoe?" Connie answered, and Zoe drew a quick breath

"Yeah, look Connie, somethings come up-" she started

"Zoe this better not be a hangover"

"i promise you, its not. But somethings come up, its kind of an emergency, I need to take the rest of the day off"

"we are short staffed as it is-"

"and its quiet. come on, how many days do i take off, ever?"

"I suppose so. is everything ok?"

"it will be" she said, softly

"alright then. See you in the morning" she remarked, finishing the call

"tell me you did not just take the afternoon off to look after me"

"Nope, i wanted the afternoon off, actually" she said, catching his eye. they both knew she had done it for him

"i don't need a babysitter"

"and im not a babysitter" Zoe started "but your coming home, now"

"noooo" he slurred, as she put a gentle arm around his waist to lift him. The shots had all hit him at once and now he just needed to sit

"you are coming back with me"

"i get sea sick" he said quickly, and Zoe laughed a little

"luckily my flats ready to live in again. it has been for about a week but with work i just haven't had the time to move back in. But I have a key"

"I don't need-"

"I know, you don't need anyone. Now get up" she said to him

She kept her hand around his waist, Max had stopped fighting her. She quickly opened the passenger side to her car and helped him in there, before getting in there herself and driving, quickly to the flat. She glanced at Max occasionally, vowing that she would help him through this

* * *

><p>Once they were in the flat, Zoe put the kettle on, and brought some blankets downstairs<p>

"Zoe, im not a stray" he said, folding his arms

"Too right, your bloody stubborn. Its cold, the heatings not fixed. I know you wanted to catch a cold this morning by sitting in the rain, but being cold insides just stupid" she reasoned, watching the small dimple in his cheek appear. She took his to mean he was smiling, and smiled a little to herself

"what are we gonna do with you eh?" she asked, softly, passing him a coffee and sitting next to him, pulling the blanket over herself a little and huddling a little closer to him, hoping the contact would make him feel a little bit more at ease

"i don't even know what to do with myself" he said, staring ahead

"its been a day. don't be too hard on yourself"

"i don't know how to be. I don't even know how I feel" he sadly replied, and Zoe knew the only reason he was being this open was because of the booze. That was the only time he tended to be open about stuff about his past, and his dad

"you don't need to. we just need to get you through each day" He looked at her when she said "_we_"

"Im not dragging you into this"

"im dragging myself" she remarked, and nudged him a little. He suddenly put his coffee down, looking a bit lost

"Sleep. You haven't slept all night, your probably exhausted" she told him, and he sighed

"what if i don't?"

"do you really want me to answer that question?" she asked, sneaking a small smile in at the corner of her mouth and raising a cushion to him, motioning to whack him with it

"in hindsight, no" he responded, and he put his head back on the cushion.

She sat next to him, his eyes snapped open after about a minute, and she knew why. She saw the sadness in his eyes, she knew that just for tonight he needed some comfort, as this was probably going to be the only time he let the barriers down enough to let her in, and she couldn't ply him with vodka every night.

She kicked her shoes off and put a tentative arm around his back, leaning her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug, he hadn't touched her for so long, let alone hug her. And she was letting him.

He didn't realise how much this simple action would build up emotion in him, his whole head started to shake, he was trying to get rid of the tears. Zoe felt it and held him a little bit tighter, as he finally crumbled and buried his head in her shoulder

"what am i going to do?" he asked, his chest shaking a little, she held him close, stroking his hair and holding him as close to her as he could be

"we'll find a way" she said, quietly, holding him to her. knowing that for tonight, this was going to be the only thing she could do

* * *

><p><em>Max and Zoe were sat at his place, as both Robyn and Lofty were working a double shift<em>

_"Do you ever tidy up?" she asked, looking a little amused at the mess of boxes, bags and paperwork scattered around his room_

_"life of a porter, what can i say" he remarked, watching her in his bed and grinning slightly_

_"im surprised you can walk"_

_"I've developed a system" he explained, pointing at the papers in the corner "thats all the boring stuff, bank statements, blah blah", he pointed next at the array of plastic bags with what looked like bags of crisps in them "this is the kitchen if i don't want to go downstairs" she rolled her eyes, and looked towards the clothes "theres no smart explanation for that, just laziness" he admitted, sitting down on the bed_

_"mum said that it was the one trait i had which was the same as my dad. apparently he was a messy git aswell" he smiled sadly, and Zoe laughed, knowing that Max didn't mention his dad often. She had noticed lately the more comfortable he was with her, the more he tended to mention him to her _

_She crawled up to where he was on the bed and put her arms around his waist, he leaned into her, exhaling. She pressed a kiss to his back_

_"Messy isn't the word" she mumbled, as he turned around and pushed a stray bit of hair away from her eye _

_"to be fair, if i knew you were coming i would of tidied a little" _

_"thats reassuring" she replied, and he gave her a warm smile_

_"your the only girl i would tidy for" he said, a small wink_

_"is that how you get them into bed these days?" she winked back, as they both leaned back_

_"i do have some pretty great chat up lines" he bantered back, watching her as she laughed, and looked at her phone _

_"2 more hours then i'm at work" she said, almost regretfully. it was nice to have a day of relaxation, she had almost forgotten what that was like recently. it had all been work work work before Max "better start getting ready" she rolled over to the end of the bed, starting to get out_

_Max pulled her back in, pulling her on top of him_

_"Maxxx" she moaned, and soon enough, his hands were on her face and he was kissing her _

_"10 more minutes" he breathed, in-between kisses _

_"make it 20" she murmured, deepening the kiss,and feeling him smile against her mouth. it was nice having a uncomplicated, drama free relationship. if that was what it was. She didn't even know. But right now, she wasn't thinking about that._


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you all so so so much for the response! Did have an earlier update planned, almost finished the chapter, but then my browser "quit unexpectedly" (definitely almost cried!)

Xx

* * *

><p>Max woke up, and to his shock he wasn't alone. Aswell as this, he wasn't passed out in a gutter, or in the hospital. He had a blanket around him, and his arms were neatly wrapped around Zoe. He smiled a little. Then he remembered. For that one small moment, he hadn't thought of any pain that he had in his life, just of her. He sighed. The real world was back<p>

Suddenly Zoe started to stir, looking up a little then looking at Max. She looked oddly relieved. She was relieved, she had managed to get him to stay in the same place all night, and she had managed to actually get him to sleep

"Morning" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes and looking at her watch, which definitely made her feel more alert. She stayed where she was, Max had unwittingly tightened his arms round her, she was like his safety net at the moment. He felt that little bit more secure with her in his arms

"Whatever I did last night-"

"Oh you weren't that bad. No vomit, no complaining. Was quite a nice change" she teased, and he smiled a little. She closed her eyes for a moment longer, savouring the moment, before jumping up

She started to walk over to the kitchen, Max missing the feeling of her in his arms already. The other, at the moment more pressing issue was how he ended up here, in Zoe's old flat, with Zoe

"How did-" he started, he literally couldn't remember anything

"Someone, _no names_, decided downing a load of vodka with no food was a good idea. as i said,_ no names_" she said, a gentle smile tugging at her lips

"Sor-" he started, and she waved her hand

"Dont apologise" she told him, and he looked at her. He didn't want her to need to look out for him, look after him

"I need to" he told her, and she shook her head

"give yourself a break, your kind of entitled to a night of boozing. Im not a stranger to them myself" she smiled, not letting on how worried she was about him. She almost didn't want to leave him, she could see he still looked lost, still looked a bit of a state

"What time you in work?" he asked, changing the subject and looking away

"An hour"

"Ill come with you"

"Max don't you think you need some time off?" her eyes found his, hers widened with concern

"I can't" he replied, simply, he wanted to brush away the concern, he just wanted a bit of stability

"Fine. But your telling Connie as soon as you come in"

"Really? he whined, and Zoe brought over a coffee to him

"its important she knows, even if nobody else does"

"so she can try and force me to have time off i don't want?"

"so she's aware" Zoe replied, and got up, she knew he would continue to argue, and she knew he would talk her round, and she wasn't going to be talked round, not on this one

"im having a quick shower, then i suggest you do the same" she remarked, picking up a towel from the side and throwing it towards him

"you suggest?" he answered, he laughed a little

"that was my polite way of saying you smell like an off license" she admitted, and they both laughed. She watched his smile, which soon faded away again. It was the ghost of a smile. The spark behind his eyes disappeared. When she saw him staring ahead, his eyes looked like the window to emptiness. She sighed sympathetically, before leaving for her shower

"Thanks" he said to her, and although it was said as if it was him telling her thanks for reminding him about his hygiene, she also knew it was for everything else aswell

* * *

><p>They both stood outside the ED, suddenly Max stepped back. Maybe he wasn't ready, maybe work was a stupid idea. The thought of anything right now seemed like a stupid idea<p>

"You sure?" she asked, as he started to walk again, towards the ED, before he could respond, Dylan walked past

"Morning Zoe" he paused for a second, before giving Max a understanding nod "Max" he walked past, and Max's eyebrow raised. That wasn't like Dylan

"He knows doesn't he" he looked at Zoe, who looked straight at the floor, before looking at her cup

"What would make you think that?" she asked, sipping her coffee

"He was just nice. And he knew my name"

"Ok,im gonna be honest with you, it slipped out-" Zoe started, and Max sighed

"Sorry" she said, quickly, she knew he didn't want anyone knowing. She knew that he didn't want to be thought of as pitied, especially by people he usually had different relations with, but maybe in the long run that would be a good thing. She watched his response, which was to squeeze his eyes shut, pause, then open his eyes again

"Don't worry" he remarked, chucking his coffee cup at the bin and walking to the ED. Zoe stood there for a moment, she had spent all night and all morning getting him to trust her again and now she felt like she was back at square one

* * *

><p>Max walked upto reception upon seeing Connie, he knew it was now or never. He was glad she was there, seeking her out around the ED would be very time consuming, and as he was late, he really didn't have much time<p>

"Mrs Beauchamp" he said, and she turned around, looking him up and down

"Oh, nice of you to make an appearance" she sarcastically remarked. Louise laughed a little. Connie silenced her with one look, which Max smiled at. He caught Noel's eye, he also smirked

"I need a word" he said, quietly, leaning towards Connie, trying to keep Noel and Louise out of earshot

"Very well" she said, motioning to her office. He nodded, pursing his lips slightly. She started to walk, he walked alongside her.

Soon they were in her office the hustle and bustle of ED seeming to be a distant memory. She fixed a cold, steely gaze on him as she sat down, fishing through her bag for paperwork, putting her phone on the table in addition to her coffee flask, she was preparing for the day ahead of her. He looked at the side of the office which belonged to Zoe, it felt so much more comfortable when she was there. He was quickly snapped out of this as Connie spoke

"well? it this to explain you leaving yesterday for what looks like quite the party, going by the bags under your eyes?" she asked, watching him as he paced a little, clutching his hands together, his knuckles turning whiter

"firstly, im not saying this for sympathy or special treatment, ive been backed into a corner by a friend, i don't even want to be saying this" he finally came to a standstill, rocking back and forth

Connie leaned forward, looking a little more interested, she surveyed the man in front of her. He looked nervous, and a little ill to boot. He also looked like he was contemplating something a lot more serious then telling her that he was indeed, hungover. His eyes bulged out a little bit

Max was looking at anything but the woman in front of him

"the day before yesterday, I found out that my dad died. Thats why I left early yesterday, i know its not an excuse and I should of come and said.. and everyones saying i need time off but i don't i honestly just want to work, I don't want to sit around all day, thinking about it"

he returned his eyes to Connie, who actually looked a little shocked. She quickly changed her expression, but it was still a great deal warmer then it had been when he had walked into her office. She was looking at him, looking a little unsure what to say at first. She had never really had a close relationship with Max, she barely really knew him. She could see by the look on his face that it was something he had been building upto. Her gaze softened a little bit

"Firstly, im sorry to hear about your loss" she told him, motioning for him to sit down. He sat down, his legs shaking a little bit, it had felt so odd for him to actually speak to someone, to admit it to someone. Although it had only been days, it had felt like a lot longer

"and secondly. You can work, I don't advise it, but I understand it. As long as you tell someone when it gets too much. the minute it gets too much. Because running from the pain is fine, but the pain is faster" she said, giving him a small smile and passing him a glass of water. He looked confused, she seemed completely geunine

"you look like a man whose been drowning his sorrows" she told him, and he gave her a weak smile

"guilty". Connie's bottom lip twitched a little, before she smiled briefly

he went to stand up

"as I said Max, as soon as its too much, you come and tell me" she reminded him, putting a few papers in a file and nodding at him, kindly.

"thanks" he said to her softly, before walking out. People referred to her as an ice queen, a witch. But he had a newfound respect for Connie

* * *

><p>Zoe opened the door to her office with a "rip the plaster off" type mind. She knew Connie was about to lay into her about being late, and she knew she was right. She had every excuse in the book but she knew they were all duds<p>

She put her coffee on the desk as well as her bag, she was expecting Connie to peer over the article she was reading any moment now, to tear a strip off of her, that or making a sarcastic comment about the time, or her phone being 5 minutes slow.

"I know, i know, I'm late. I'm heading straight to resus" she decided to give herself the telling off before Connie could do it for her

"Before you go-" Connie said, sitting up a little straighter, and putting her paper down

"Yes?" Zoe asked, spinning around

"I need a word" Zoe nodded, gesturing for her to carry on

"The porter, Max" she said. Zoe took a sharp intake of breath, she knew Connie wasn't a fan of staff absence, especially when the member of staffed had walked away mid shift. She also knew that she wasn't meant to know anything, but whatever Connie said, she felt like she needed to defend him

"what about him?" Zoe asked, trying to sound nonchalant and casual. Something that was getting increasingly harder, the seconds went by and felt like minutes before Connie spoke again

"he came to my office this morning. He's had a family bereavement" Zoe shook her head and looked towards the floor, she was happy that he told her. She was proud, she didn't think he would of done it, especially after finding out Dylan knew

Connie continued, "he thinks he wants to work through it at the moment-"

"is that really wise?" Zoe queried

"He just needs a distraction until he realises the weight of the situation" Connie replied, nodding to herself slightly

"Im up here for the next couple of days, and I know your on the ED. i just need you if you can, to keep an eye out for him, make sure he's ok. He's probably in a pretty lonely place right now" Connie said, looking uncharacteristically soft

"Sure" Zoe nodded, quite surprised by Connie's compassion

"When my dad died, I worked through about a month. Straight. Then it hit me, then I needed the time off" she said, quickly turning her head back to her article. Zoe nodded to her with a renewed confidence, thats why Connie had been the way she had. She had suffered through a similar situation

"ill watch him" she said, stepping outside the room. She knew for a fact that Max would hate having her keep her eye on him, so she was going to need to be subtle..

* * *

><p><em>Zoe looked across at Max. They were both in her bed, he was stroking her arm absent mindedly and staring out the window, his eyes half shut. <em>

_He looked peaceful. They never used to talk a lot after the sex. To her it had started off just being sex. But as the months passed, they had started going for dinner, going to movies, going to out of town bars. Zoe had spent evenings chatting away to him, talking into the early hours, she didn't even know how it had happened, how it had jumped straight from casual to something that was starting to mean a lot more to her. _

_She never usually opened upto people very much but Max had this easygoing charm about him, she felt so at ease with him, in a way she never had before. Just watching him look so peaceful, brought some peace to her stressful life. It was 3am now, and she felt relaxed, happy._

_"Word on the street is its someones birthday soon?" Zoe mumbled, patting him playfully on the chest_

_"Oh god, who let the cat out the bag?"_

_"I heard Robyn."_

_"Course you did, girl has a voice like a machine gun" he commented, and they both laughed_

_"Your far too young to be hating birthdays" she told him, looking up at him_

_"Too young and beautiful, I know" he retorted, and they both laughed_

_"Birthdays are just a big bundle of disappointment" he told her, sitting up a little_

_"Well aren't you a gleaming beacon of positive energy" Zoe replied, running a tentative hand through his hair_

_"Every birthday-" he started, then sunk onto the pillow a little_

_"I always used to think it was the one time of year my dad would man up and get in touch. I used to sit and wait for the post for all the days before, and the actual day. Never happened" he sighed, and Zoe bit her lip_

_"Oh Max" she sighed alongside him, cuddling into his chest a little more. Until their more recent chats, Zoe had had no idea how much the absence of Max's father had cost him. His feelings, his confidence, his general mood_

_"That sounded a little whiney" he remarked, and Zoe gave him a small laugh_

_"Don't worry. My dad is always checking if im married. Tries to set me up with boys from their village. Kind of like a cattle market" she laughed a little _

_"Hes an idiot to miss out on getting to know you" she told him, and he looked at her. Zoe usually kept her cards pretty close to her chest, and she had just told him something about her family of his own free will_

_"I never used to care when I was little. I just figured it would be next year, but then as i got older it got worse. So my birthdays not really a birthday" _

_"well this year, it will be"_

_"oh god, is Robyn planning a surprise party?" _

_"Not that I heard of. But i was thinking we get out of town for a night, have our own party" she gave him a wicked grin and tapped him on the nose, a gesture that was met with a wide grin_

_"now i could definitely get behind that idea"_

_"Oh im sure you could" she smiled back at him, his grin was becoming pretty infectious. _

_He smiled at her again, before pressing a kiss to the top of her head, she turned around, climbing on top of him_

_"how about a practice round?" she suggested, running both of her hands through his hair as he snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her in. She leant in and their lips touched, the same familiar electric feeling starting to pulsate through her body. She had never met a man who made her feel so alive, a man that appreciated her so much _

_Max broke apart from her after a moment and kissed her neck, murmuring "I can definitely get behind that" he told her, and she chuckled appreciatively.._


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you all so much for the lovely comments, so sorry for leaving it so long to update, its been a busy week! Going to be updating more regularly now! Keep reviewing with ideas, it keeps me going! Next few chapters are going to be a little slow in terms of Zax moments, but keep with me! I'm trying to build up relationships with other characters as well as just the two of them :)

XX

* * *

><p>"Your working?!" came a disapproving tone, as it had every other day for the past 6 days<p>

"_I'm working_" Max had bluntly replied, staring into the mirror in the staffroom and drinking some water slowly. Robyn furrowed her brows.

Max was usually the type of guy who would take a sick day if he had a slight twinge in his head, and now something major had happened to him, he was just acting like nothing was wrong.

That was more of a code red then him calling in sick would of been, because it meant it was building up but he wasn't dealing with it. It was even worse that nobody knew, she couldn't confide in Lofty, Cal, Ethan. She couldn't help him, he was avoiding her. But it had caught up with him last week when he had stormed out, and it was going to at another point, she just didn't know when..

It had been a week since Max had talked to Connie, and he was working. He kept his distance, did his job, went for a pint with Cal & Lofty after work now and again, talked about mindless rubbish, girls, cars, goals. He had avoided anyone who might make his demeanour crack, which included Robyn, and now Zoe

He had caught them both staring while he was on shift, both watching for him to crack, to break down. He was even more determined not too. He was strong, he loved Zoe, he didn't want to be seen as a pet project that needed help, looking after. He wasn't that guy, he was the guy who she had fun with. Or the guy that she did have fun with. Either way, he couldn't pull her into this mess like he had last week.

He tried not to think about his dad, which was easier said then done. He had spent a couple of nights sleeping in his office, trying to detach himself. He had sat into the night, looking at photos, looking at the letter. Thinking about all the missed opportunities, wondering whether he should of tried to get in touch. But he still couldn't think of any answers, he had no new information. He had checked his dads Facebook, which had been used once. He laughed, the letter did say he wasn't into social networking. He wished he had been, at least he could see what sort of life he led. Maybe even what had led him into writing...

Whenever he did think about him properly, his head went to a dark place, a place that he wasnt always sure that he could get back from. He had still been drowning his sorrows with vodka, beer, cider, shots. He had gone on two nights out, before giving up and stumbling into the town centre, feeling as lost as ever

So now, he put his feelings in a box and buried in, and that was where it was staying

"Max, my man!" came a voice, breaking his thoughts. He turned to look at Cal, who was giving him a smile. He knew that smile. Cal wanted something

"This better be good"

"Take Ethan out for a pint after work" he asked, it was more of an instruction then a question, which always seemed to be the case when Cal needed a favour. Not that this was too bad a favour

"Why?" he asked. He was happy to hang out with Ethan, he had just wondered what Cal was up-to

"Ive met someone. Taylor's her name..anyway I wanted to have her round the house but Eth wont leave for the night"

"Does it really matter if he's in his room?"

"Would you love having a girl back when Robyns in the next room?" he raised his eyebrows, and Max shook his head, a little disgusted

"Ok. No. Fair. Consider it done"

"Top man" he had got himself a clap on the back, in addition to watching as Cal bounced off like an exciteable puppy. He laughed. That was the triumphant bounce around the hospital that he had seemed to adopt when he realised Robyn and Lofty were on double shift so he had a few hours alone with Zoe. He sighed. He wished Zoe was still at his side, he had a feeling things would be easier if things between them were like they had been months ago.

* * *

><p>Zoe was trying to file through some paperwork, she sighed and quickly glanced to the ED, wondering how Max was. She hadn't spoken to him since he stayed at hers last week, and every time she looked at him, he looked away. She knew she had to wait for him to come to her, if he ever would again, but it didn't stop her worrying<p>

"Zoe? Sorry am I bothering you from what is frankly, nothing" came Connie's voice, she had watched Zoe stare outside the window for about 5 minutes, while she had tried to speak to her

"Sorry, go on" she said, absent mindedly, slightly amused. Connie didn't usually try and get her attention, or talk to her

"I was just saying. We now have no lawsuit, updated paperwork, we are up on our targets. Calls for a bottle of wine"

"You can say that again" Zoe smiled, folding her arms and standing up for a moment, going to the water dispenser

"Fancy it? My treat, I haven't had some adult company in forever apart from Audrey, and she's not really the most interesting person due to the fact she doesn't like me" she offered, and Zoe tried to mask the shock. Connie wasn't usually one to offer drinks, or any sort of activity outside of the hospital

"Yeah sure, sounds good" Zoe smiled, politely, it might be nice to have a night that wasn't her, in the boat with Dylan and his dog. It would be a night that she wouldn't be watching her phone, wondering if Max would ever call, and ask for her help.

It had also been ages since she had had a girly chat, not that she could visualise herself having one of these with Connie at the minute. Maybe after a few glasses..

"What is going on with you?" Connie asked, narrowing her eyes at her colleague. She didn't know her very well, but she knew Zoe was more focused then this

"Nothing"

"Is it a man?" Connie kinked an eyebrow up and gave her a grin

"God no"

"Then what is it?"

Luckily for Zoe, she was interrupted by a knock on the door, she saw Robyn standing behind it through the small pane of glass that was on there. She nodded to let her in

"I just need a quick word" the younger nurse said, nervously, and Connie nodded

"Max shouldn't be working" she said, simply, quickly, "you don't know why and I cant tell you why but-" she carried on, bumbling a little. Connie held up a hand to silence her

"He has informed me of recent circumstances" Robyn immediately folded her arms and looked puzzled

"And hes still working?" Robyns eyes bulged out a little, and Zoe could tell that Robyn thought that Connie had made him work, she could see by the way her chest started to heave and her face started to turn a little pink that she was about to start arguing

"he insisted. I shouldn't be talking about him with you" she responded, curtly, before glancing at the door, hinting for Robyn to leave

"he's my brother, and he's a ticking time bomb, you need to sign him off!" Robyn retorted, looking at Zoe for support, who shrugged

"We cant make him not come in Robyn, he's just working through the pain and when it gets to a point he cant, he can have as much time off as he needs. Isn't that right?" she gestured to Connie, who nodded. Zoe knew that Robyn needed Connie's reassurance as well as hers. She admired her in a way, she was sticking up for Max, something she wanted to do himself. He shouldn't be at work, under any circumstances. It was just prolonging the obvious, the obvious being that Max needed to try and process and recover from this. She was the only other person that knew Max well enough to the extent that she knew he was just burying his feelings and his head in the sand. The difference being that Robyn could talk to Connie and just come off as a concerned sister, where as Zoe would face question after question

"I told him that myself. Dr Hanna's keeping an eye on him, don't worry" she said, a text flashing up on her phone. She was momentarily distracted, and Zoe watched as Robyn glanced from her to Connie, who was still engrossed in her phone

"Looks like it" Robyn mumbled quietly, before leaving. Which was probably a good thing, as Connie was about to reprimand her

Zoe struggled for a moment, internally. She did to a degree agree with Robyn, he shouldnt be at work

"For what its worth, she's right, he's going to crack soon and it'll be even worse for him" Zoe commented, sitting down

"For gods sake, what am I meant to do, frog march him out? He's a grown man Zoe, he makes his own choices and unfortunately that includes mistakes" she shut the draw on some of her admin, before walking out, shaking her head a little

"I need coffee" Zoe had heard her say as a parting comment, and she rolled her eyes

* * *

><p>Max sat in his office, he was taking a lunch break, not that he felt like eating. He picked up the one piece of post he had received in the past few days, which was a letter inviting him to his dads funeral, in his old town.<p>

The old town was a place he had not been to in ages, and he didn't desire to. He always went to Robyn's for christmas, and any other family occasion on his mums side of the family, he would avoid.

His only memories there were gangs, drugs, and his own stupidly that let him to naively taking these drugs. Nobody was his friend in that town, he had just kept his head down so he didn't get beaten up

He had never had the strongest willpower, he had always just wanted to fit in, and because of this he had always ended up in odd situations. He would be the one who smoked the extra tote to demonstrate the effect, he was the first to upgrade to cocaine, he was the first to fail an exam, to bunk school. The gang used to push him into things without him even realising it was happening. he was the Guinea pig, and he had always paid a high price for what he had considered at the time an easy life.

There was a small, soft knock on the door, and he wondered who it was.

Connie, Robyn and Zoe never "softly tapped" they always thumped the door or just came in. He quickly shoved the funeral details onto a desk as the door opened, and he saw Ethan

Ethan gave him an apologetic smile

"Cal said you wanted to see me?" he enquired, and Max had to shake his head. Cal was practically setting them up, it was like they were at school. He must be serious about this "Taylor"

"Wasn't anything too exciting" he commented, watching Ethan look around the room before sitting on the bed next to him "just wanted to know if you wanted a pint later on, your shift finishes the same time as mine"

the blonde nodded "sure, why not. Cal's got his new lady-friend round so I suppose its best off I'm out the way for that"

"hows things going with Honey?" he changed the subject, looking at the slightly troubled look on Ethan's face

"to be honest, they aren't really going. Something almost happened the other day but-"

"don't tell me you can only talk to her with a drink inside you? Thats a bit borderline tragic"

"sadly it seems a little that way. I do agree, it is tragic"

"just..go and get coffee from her, chat"

"i am, I've had 3 today and I still haven't managed to ask her out" Max chuckled a little, and noticed Ethan's eyes drift towards his desk, looking over at the flyer. His face contorted into confusion, Max saw him trying to work out what was going on

"Is this a patients?" he asked, and Max stared at the ceiling knowing that he couldn't lie his way out of this one, Ethan was too smart, too observant, he could see him piecing it all together in his head now, him walking out his shift, him running out the party. he wasn't exactly the picture of discretion.

If anyone at work that was his friend had to find out, he was happy it was Ethan. Both men knew who it belonged to, but he was giving him the opportunity not to talk about it

"No mate, its mine" he admitted, staring at the door "my dad" he said, in a monotone, and Ethans eyes widened

"I'm really, really sorry to hear that" he replied, sincerely "was it recent?" he asked, also looking at the door, nothing that Max didn't want eye contact right now

"last week"

"thats awful. I remember when my mum died, and I found out when I was here. Its hard to carry on sometimes. It was almost impossible to that day" Ethan had replied, shuddering a little, and Max felt his respect for the other man surge

He hadn't told him that he shouldn't be at work, he hadn't been lectured or told how to feel. Ethan had just emphasised, and that was all he had needed

"it can be. But I'm better off round here then sitting at the pub, thats how I see it"

"yeah, I was better off here. The alternative was watching Cal drink himself stupid every night. Sometimes I think he still does. Either that or he goes to town and brings girls back every night"

"thats only a temporary fix"

"if you- if you never need to talk about it, or, well, anything. Just let me know" Ethan had told him, Max responded with a smile, watching as Ethan's pager went off. He got off the bed and went to leave

"Thank you" he told the doctor, who gave him a nod and a quick smile, before scooting off with a quick "see you later"

* * *

><p>Max went to the coffee cart, seeing Honey bouncing around, and occasionally peering around the corner<p>

"Looking for a certain Doctor Hardy are we?" he teased, watching her face drop and turn into a indignant expression, as she started to blush. He knew what was coming next; denial

"What? No" the younger woman crossed her arms and immediately looked in the other direction

"You don't fool me" he smirked back, and she faltered and laughed a little

"Am I that obvious? I don't think I am, I've been doing it for weeks and nobodies noticed-oh god-i just said that" she took to her stool and sat quickly, burying her hands into her face in embarrassment

"its alright, your secrets safe with me"

"too right, I always see you staring after Hanna" she commented, and Max tried to conceal his laugh

"I do not"

"Do too, I've seen it. Anyway, Ethan isn't interested, he made that clear. He's come here for 3 coffees and not said a thing thats not to do with my macchiatos"

"Might just be nervous" he commented

"Might just not like me..anyway, what do you want?" she asked, starting to clean up a little bit around the area

"just a hot chocolate for me, I'm not really a coffee guy"

"awww-"

"less of the aww and more of the marshmallows" he responded, and she laughed a little before starting to make his drink

"Honey..triple shot expresso when your ready" another voice joined the conversation, a familiar voice. He smiled, before watching Honey smirking at him. He jerked his head towards the corner that she had been watching, and she grimaced and turned around, starting to make the drinks

"coffees not good for you" Max told Zoe, who had just made the order, she turned around to him

"still on the hot chocolates, or is it vodka?" she commented, watching Max's face drop a little. She immediately felt guilty for snapping, she hadn't meant to. it was just odd for her how he could block her out for a week and now here he was, trying to banter with her.

Honey shot them a questioning glance

"or that could just be me" she joked, falsely laughing, which Honey seemed to accept as she turned back around, turning her attention elsewhere

"nice to see your talking to me again" she said, quietly, standing a bit closer to him

"its not on purpose" he told her, sighing a little.

It was true, he didn't want to ignore her, he just didn't want to talk about it at the moment. Honey put both of their drinks on the counter, which they both took and sipped, their mannerisms identical. Honey chuckled before moving back to her tidying

"well you know where I am" Zoe mumbled, before starting to walk away

"Actually, Zoe!" he raised his voice a little, before running to catch her up, she turned around, surprised

"I need a few days off next week. Its-well its the funeral" he said, quietly, his eyes fixed on his cup of hot chocolate

"ill sort it" she said to him, before putting a reassuring hand on his arm "it'll be ok"

He took a shaky breath. The feel of her hand on him, he almost felt like it would be ok for moment.

He wanted to confide in her, that he was scared of his old town, that he was scared of the people, the temptation, the memories. He wished she could come with him, but he knew it was unthinkable now.

"thanks" he replied, deciding not to speak. Zoe had seen him try and speak, and then he came up with that. She knew if things were different that he would of confided in her, but it wasn't that way anymore. She closed her eyes as he walked away, wishing that everything was different. But it wasn't

* * *

><p>"<em>Best, birthday, ever" Max panted, as he took in the view outside the window, Zoe had taken him to Blackpool for his birthday, it was far away, they could almost act like a real couple. They could be tactile, they could hold hands, hug. She had taken him to a restaurant which had turned more into a drinking session, before they decided to take it back to the hotel. He knew he would never get bored of seeing that glint of desire flash in her eyes, the devilish, dirty smile that she gave him before she slipped the room card in<em>

"_you sure you wouldn't of preferred a surprise party at the ED? I could make that happen"_

"_Don't you dare" he chuckled, ruffling her hair a little, she wriggled out of his grip before he swung his hands around her waist, pulling her back in, still laughing_

"_i could tell her about the shoe" he mock threatened, watching as she pretended to gasp_

"_Now, thats not on" she replied, a drunken smile playing on her lips_

"_I wonder what people would think if they did find out" he mused, and she closed her eyes a little. She hadn't even thought of that in the last few weeks, it was their bubble. She didn't want anyone to know at the moment, people knowing always seemed to complicate things. That and the fact she didn't know what this was yet_

"_the boys would definitely think I was punching" he grinned at the thought of it, and she shook her head a little. Men._

"_you haven't told anyone have you?" she asked, as the wind from outside blew in a little, cooling them down_

"_Nope" he shook his head, wondering to himself if it would really be that bad if they went public. He didn't need to ask her the same question, he knew out of the two of them, she was a lot more concerned about people finding out. She had more to lose. He hated that the fact he was a porter essentially blocked them from being in a relationship. He knew that people would look at Zoe differently for dating him professionally and personally, and he hated it. _

_She nodded, before curling into him a little more_

"_I'm glad we christened Blackpool" she murmured into his chest, knowing that she was veering onto a touchy subject, she sighed contently as he pulled his arms around her_

"_as I said, best birthday ever"_

"_you heard anything from your family?" she asked, and he knew immediately that that was Zoe's way of asking about his dad_

"_Mum and Robyn, couple of aunties. Thats about it" he admitted, pushing her hair away from her face and resting his head on hers. She stroked his hand a little_

"_Thats all you need" she gently replied, stroking his thumb and putting her hand in his_

"_that and this is all I need" he nodded, nuzzling into her and starting to snooze a little. She smiled. It was a long time since she had felt needed. Even longer since she started to depend on another person a little for happiness. She wasn't sure which was scarier._


	11. Chapter 11

Oh my god ive left it so long! So sorry everyone! Thank you so much for all the lovely comments and reviews, much appreciated and it really does keep me going! Who watched Casualty on Saturday? I was so excited I think ive rewatched it about 20 times already, so happy I could explode! Love Zax! Big chapter this time around

* * *

><p>It was the morning of the funeral and he was making the final preparations to leave in the car. He took a deep shuddering breath. When he had first moved, years ago, he had always told himself he would never ever go back. His mum visited him at his new home, for a reason. Everyone he wanted to visit or have around, visited, or they lived around Holby.<p>

He held a coffee and went to the hospital quickly to say bye to Robyn. He had been a bit harsh on her lately and he wanted to make sure she knew that he appreciated it, he knew she was only ever trying to help, be a good sister, she was a little overbearing but she had a heart of gold

He stopped for a quick fag outside the hospital, he had a feeling this was gong to be his only chance for any peace today

"Max-" sounded a female voice, but it wasnt Robyns. He turned to see Zoe, holding her own cigarette and gazing forward

"thought you were off?" she questioned, looking at him

"I am, was just coming to say bye to Robyn, then-"

"the desire for the cigarette just took over" she gave him a sarcastic smile

"something like that" he gave her a small smile, she laughed at him, appreciating the rare smile

"how you holding up?" she asked him, eyeing him with concern, he felt her eyes trailing from his shoes to the mess that was his hair, he hadnt really been taking care of himself, he hadnt shaved in a few days, he didn't really style his hair, he didn't have the energy to care at the moment

"i think you can see for yourself" he smiled a little, she chuckled and nodded, giving him a low whistle

"is there anything I can do?" she asked, taking a puff of her cigarette, and suddenly the tone of the conversation had gone back to being serious

"no. thanks though" he told her, before stubbing his out. He felt a hand on his arm, Zoe was looking at him, forcing him to stare back. He caught her eye

"tell me if you need anything" she told him, calmly. He looked away

"thanks Zo" he quietly said, holding her arm for a moment. Looking into her eyes, he almost felt like everything was going to be fine. But the moment he looked away, he didnt feel like it would be ok

* * *

><p>2 hours later, and he was at the local pub, in his old town.<p>

The barman was the same, the locals were the same, but unfortunately, so were the people he feared, the locals he didn't want to see, ever again.

While he had gone to uni and got out of the town, they had got even more reliant on drugs, some of them sold drugs.

There was one friend of his, Charlie, who had always been ok. He was his best friend. He sometimes visited, stayed over with him, had nights out. He was the only one who he wanted to keep in touch with, he had arranged to meet him at the pub so he didn't have to go alone, he didn't want to see his mum just yet, she would only ask how he was countless times and he wasn't ready for that

"Max!" Charlie said, clapping his back as he got to the bar

"Sorry to hear about your old man" he told him, noting the dark circles under his friends eyes

"Me too"

"i tried calling you a bunch of times"

"yeah sorry pal I changed numbers a while back" he had wondered why his oldest friend hadn't even tried getting in touch, that had cleared it up

"too many girls?" Charlie chuckled, Max shook his head with a grin

"I dont even know myself" he laughed, Charlie suddenly looked a little worried, Max followed his gaze, seeing why immediately

Ryan and Trevor, the two roughest guys on the estate had shown up, the two that used to do drugs, the two that used to be Max's friends, the ones that used to make him take drugs. The ones who had spiked him years ago, putting him in hospital.

"I need to tell you something" Charlie whispered, trying to get Max away from the eyeline of the other two, they couldn't see him, not yet

"lets just ignore them" Max replied, folding his arms and drinking a pint. He didnt need this, not today and not, ever. This was why he never wanted to come back to this place

"no Max-" Charlie stuttered, pulling him to a corner so the other two didnt see them

"what, what could it be, its been years"

"those two deal"

"right, and my little teenage drug phase went out years ago, just because I'm a bit sad at the moment doesn't mean I want to load up, i thought you out of anyone would know that" Charlie was in the same boat as Max, they used to do drugs because they were forced, because they had nothing else better to do, nobody to turn to

"they are claiming they used to deal to your dad". Max wheeled around. He had known his dad left, he had known he liked a pint, he liked fun. He was not into drugs

"he did not take drugs Charlie" he said, sternly, looking at his friend, who looked earnest, concerned. Looks wise he was opposite to his friend, he was blonde haired, blue eyed, tanned, and liked to hit the gym pretty much daily. He had turned it around for himself, but he had stayed in the town

"thats why ive been trying to ring you psl, hes been around these past few weeks, ive seen him up here with your mum once or twice, he asked about you so I tried to call"

"you didnt try very hard. anyway, why would he ask about me?" Max bitterly replied, trying to piece together all this information,

Why hadnt his mum said anything "you could of faecbooked, emailed-"

"i didnt think ok, these two have been on my back for weeks"

"why, are you-?

"no, im not on drugs. They reckon now your dads passed that his debts on you. But, your not here, and they knew that I was in touch" Max sighed.

This sounded like the crap that this town would pull on him, nothing was ever simple.

Of course his dad hadnt simply wanted to get in touch with him, he had been on drugs, he was in debt, he wanted help. Now Max was at the pub, probably with no way of getting away from these people, with no money, no dad, no Zoe, and a very shaky best friend, a friend that didn't deserve to be involved in this, especially as he was miles away in Holby, avoiding everything. He knew what it was like with those guys, they could turn up at every corner, threatening family members, anyone.

They had a network now, people worked for them, they were the ringleaders

"its not true" Max lamented

"ive seen him, I tried to stop him. It wasnt some full blown addiction it was just a bit of weed"

"just a bit of weed?" he asked, shaking his head. This time 2 years ago he would of seen it casually but since he started working in the hospital he didnt, it was dangerous, he had seen patients who had their lives ruined by this stuff, and now it turns out his dads on it

"all im saying, if you believe it or not, you need to stay away from Ryan and Trevor. They know what the ocassion is, they wanted you here to try and get you to pay, I've already told them to sod off but they aren't going"

"im not doing that"

"maybe it would be wortth settling it?"

"no, im not that snotty kid who does everything they say anymore. They are getting bugger all from me Charlie, and you better not pay them either"

"dont worry mate I wasnt going to" Charlie shook his head and shrugged as Max ordered a water.

"Thanks by the way Charlie"

"For what?"

"Having my back, even when I'm MIA"

Charlie gave him a pat on the back, and walked away to use the loo

He was going to drive back today, there was no way he was staying longer then he needed to

Max went outside for a quick fag before the service started, wishing more then anything that he could drink and drive. He sighed, breathing in the air around him, and seeing the church up the road. He didnt want to walk in there, it still didnt feel real to him

* * *

><p>"Maxxy!" shouted a familiar voice, and he turned. He knew who that was without trying, it was Trevor, the guy that used to throw him against walls, threaten to hurt his mum, threaten to hurt Robyn. He was the worst one<p>

"Thought I would see you at some point" he commented, watching as the man next to him lit up a fag and leant agaisnt the wall

"sorry to hear about your old man" he told him, roughly it sounded insincere, he knew Trevor couldn't wait to start telling him about whatever false debt he had incurred

"your not sorry, you want me to pay for his drugs. Which, by the way, is as likely as me taking a trip to the moon in the next hour"

Trevor turned to him, narrowing his eyes

"always thought you were funny didnt you?"

"funnier then you, yes" he smiled. He didn't feel scared of him anymore, he had moved on, unlike the others. He was in a completely different place to these losers now

"see, I dont think you understand Walker. Your dad owes me about a grand"

"thats not possible though is it? and while we are having this chat, you leave Charlie out this. He's my mate, not my family, so stop hassling him at every turn"

"he kept saying there was a bank problem, and i don't need to hassle Charlie now your here in the flesh"

"and thats not my problem"

"hes dead, so it is your problem" Trevor stood a little closer to him

"I'm not scared of you" he replied, his eyes meeting Trevor's and his gaze holding. He wasn't going to look down like he usually did, like he used to

"you should be"

"well im not" Max responded, even though he was a little now. This was reminding him of school again, and this time he couldnt run home

He had managed to get through the funeral, just about, he was starting to feel ill, he had been distracted for the whole time, he couldn't focus on one point, he had cried, but he hadn't even felt present, he had Charlie's hand on his back as well as his mothers but he barely felt it, he didn't know what was going on

He didnt understand why, he wasn't drunk, he hadn't touched anything apart from a water at the pub, which washed down his half pint nicely

"are you ok Max?" his mum asked. He looked at her, his eyes widening a little. She looked blurry, almost as if she was moving from side to side, but he knew she was standing still, making it all the more odd

"fine"

"you cant be fine after that, do you want to talk?" he didn't want to talk to his mum, he had a lot of questions for her but he didnt want to ask them, he didnt want to hear it. He also knew it was going to be pretty hard for her aswell. He didnt need to dump all his feelings on her at the moment, he was barely processing it himself, he didn't even know how he was feeling, apart from right now, he felt ill.

"actually mum I think im gonna get going, I wanted to get back to holby tonight"

"its only a few hours away" she reasoned, touching his shoulder

"honestly id rather go now, drive while its light"

"its not anything to do with those lads is It? Trevor and the other one? They cant scare you away from your dads funeral.." she started

"no, its not that. Th-his funerals over. I just want to get home mum" she looked at him and sighed, before pulling him into a hug. He pulled his arms around her and hugged her back

"are you ok?" he asked, using her to steady himself slightly

"yeah. Ill be fine, its all just been a bit of a shock. Its just been really quick"

"i know what you mean" he agreed. His eyes blurred over once again, he rubbed her shoulder

"say bye to Charlie for me, I dont know where hes got to. But give him my new number" he quickly said, he needed to get out now, he was feeling worse and worse, he felt a bead of sweat appearing on his head. Which was odd, because it was raining

"ok" she said, quietly, watching him go, worried.

* * *

><p>He started to drive, wondering why he felt so odd. Was this some sort of delayed shock? His eyes were blurring, he was sweating, but he was shaking. Did he have a cold? Was this what people said was an emotional response, he didn't feel emotional he just felt like rubbish<p>

Half an hour later, and it was even worse. He was coughing, he was tired, he could barely keep his eyes open, he decided to call Robyn, just to let her know he was on his way back

"Robyn?" he asked, hearing her pick up on the first ring, he was relieved at this point to have such a caring sister, especially when he had been pushing her away

"Hey, how did it all go?" she asked, she sounded concerned

"fine, it was fineee"

"are you slurring? Are you drunk?" she asked, her voice raising a little, sounding a little surprised

"no,no, im driving home actually. I feel a bit crap actually, sweating, coughing, I feel really tired"

"well its been a pretty big day-" she reasoned "when are you home?" she asked, a softer tone to her voice

"hopefully in about 10 minutes"

"wicked, ill get some ice cream and we can watch some movies"

"i couldnt tell you how perfect that sounds right now"

"oh I know bro, im good at these things" she replied, and he could tell she was smiling

"see you soon" he smiled, closing his eyes for a few seconds, he felt like he needed glasses almost, he couldnt see a thing, he was drowsy, he was sweaty. He wasnt generally a sweaty person, and it wasn't like he was exercising, he was just driving

* * *

><p>Robyn walked towards Zoe, knowing she was a softer touch then Connie<p>

"Zoeee" she sing songed, and the other woman turned around, a kink in her eyebrow

"yes?" she looked a little amused, the other girl obviously needed a favour

"could I knock off half an hour early? I wouldnt ask its just Max is coming home early and he said he feels ill and to be honest he sounded a bit rubbish on the phone" she started rambling a little, and Zoe watched her. She wondered what was wrong with Max

"Yeah sure, go now, ill cover you with Connie. She said she would be upstairs anyway so lets keep it between us" she nodded, walking past. Robyn was shocked, she was expecting at least a little bit of a fight to be put up, Zoe wasn't that easygoing, not normally

"Are you sure?" she asked, Zoe nodded. She knew this would help Max, if he wouldn't let her help, she could at least try

"Thanks Zoe, I really appreciate this" she gave her a warm smile, and Zoe started to walk away

"look after him" she said, quickly, and a little quietly

"what?" Robyn asked, looking a little suspicious

"You said he was ill didnt you?" Zoes eyes widened a little, she couldnt believe she had gone and said that out loud.

She was worried about him, more then she wanted to admit. She also didnt want to admit that she was upset that Max didnt seem to need her. She missed him, even this sad version of him.

She just wanted him around and now she couldnt, she was backed into a corner.

* * *

><p>Max had manged to get himself into Holby, he just had a few minutes to go. He was still sweating, he felt even more bleary eyed, he was so tired he was ready to fall asleep at the wheel. His phone suddenly rang through the bluetooth system on his car<p>

"Max?" came a frantic voice

"Charlie?" he mumbled

"where are you?" he heard the fear in his friends voice, he suddenly sat up a little bit, hoping that him talking to Trevor hadn't made him take some sort of revenge on Charlie

"on my way home?" he answered

"on the bus?"

"no, driving"

"pull over, now" charlie said, sounding even more worried, he could hear his voice shaking

"im almost there mate, ill call you when im in"

"no, you dont understand, while Trevor was talking to you Ryan spiked your drink, I heard them talking about it, laughing about old times and saying you should of paid, pull over and call an ambulance, I called the police"

"bastards" he sighed, putting one hand on his head, which was now feeling really hot. He needed to call someone

"ill sort it, thanks Charlie" he slurred, hearing his friend shouting his name before the line got cut. He then picked up the phone and dialled the one person he didn't want to bother. But the one person he knew could help, the one person who knew about his past, the doctor

* * *

><p>Zoe was outside, before her phone started ringing. She narrowed her eyes, it was Max. She wasnt sure why he would be ringing. She almost considered leaving it, but she couldn't<p>

"Max?" she answered, and she was immediately alarmed by the heavy breathing she heard on the other end of the phone, was he drunk? Or worse on drugs?

"Zo- Zo you know those guys I told you about" he started, still driving, talking to the speaker, he was starting to panic now, there was nowhere he could get to pull over without causing some kind of crash, he could barely see and it was dark, it was getting darker, he didn't even know where he was going anymore

"what guys?" she asked, confused "slow down Max, talk to me"

"the drug guys". She froze, he sounded distant, his words were slurred, he didn't sound alert at all. She could hear the wind in the background, meaning that he was driving. She stubbed her cigarette out

"what about them?" she asked, wondering why he wanted to talk about them, why it was such a desperate need that he needed to ring

"they-they thought dad owed them money-" he started rambling

"max, your making no sense"

"they think I do, and I didnt give to them, and I feel really odd and then Charlies called and said that they've spiked my drink and I need to pull over- but I cant see- theres nowhere to go"

Zoe took a sharp intake of breath, he sounded awful, she had thought so as soon as he had called he didnt sound like himself. She tried to think, she needed to do something, time wasn't on her side, or his, she needed to get him to pull over without making him panic

"ok, just take a breath, just get to the nearest patch of grass, anything, you need to pull over. Ill come and get you, tell me where you are" she was trying to keep herself from sounding scared, but she was

"i c-" he started to stutter, he couldn't even speak, he kept trying to speak but the words weren't coming out, then someone came past in a car, the lights blaring. he saw the flash of the lights, that was the last thing he saw.

He couldnt see anything anymore, he was plunged into darkness.

Zoe heard as there were beeps, she hoped that meant he was pulling over. She couldn't of been prepared for what she had heard next

She heard skidding, banging, followed by an almighty crash. What made it worse was that she couldnt hear Max at all, not even the heavy breathing she could hear before, he wasn't saying anything, she didn't even hear a shout, a scream, he must of blacked out

"Max?" she asked, loudly into the phone

"MAX?" she called, frantically, tears starting to fall, her phone fell out of her hands, she was trembling violently, had she really just heard that? Had she heard Max crashing his car, he had called her for help and he had crashed, she let a small sob emit as she started shaking, she tried to call Max back but she just got a dialling tone each time, she didn't know where he was, she didn't know how he was

"Zoe, whats wrong?" Connie asked looking alarmed and heading over to her, she had never seen Zoe cry, not like this. Not over patients, not over anything

"I need to go on a break" Zoe shakily told her, starting to go towards her car, another tear threatening to fall. She didn't have time for this, she needed to go.

"Why?" Connie asked, extending a hand to Zoe's shoulder

"I just got a call from Max, he was driving back, he said his drink got spiked and I heard him crash Connie, I think its bad" she spoke so quickly, she knew it was bad, he hadn't replied, he had been drugged

She was shaking, Connie was confused, she hadn't taken in any of the facts apart from the fact that Max had called Zoe. Zoe over his friends, and his sister..

"Why woul-" Connie started, startled

"We've been seeing eachother ok, not so much recently but- I cant talk about this now I need to find him, he's out there somewhere alone, and he's crashed, he wasn't responding, he won't pick up the phone i can't explain this right now" she snapped, walking to her car, another sob racking her body, it was so horrible not knowing anything, she couldn't lose him, not after this, not now

"Zoe!" Connie shouted, as she got into her car, wiping a few stray tears away. Connie got in on the other side

"Four hands are better then two. Lets go find him" she told her colleague, she didn't want to comment on anything else, she wanted to help the life that was now in danger, and Zoe couldnt do it alone.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the reviews everyone! l really appreciate it all! Now I know im writing for Casualty, but my medical terminology is hazy at best so im going to keep it minimal as I can this chapter! Keep commenting and thank you again, will definitely be updating more regularly now, I had a bit of a writers block going on before! Cured by the amount of brilliant Zax fictions on here, which spur me on!

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><p>Zoe was driving frantically, trying her best to drive carefully, sensibly, when all she wanted to do was run red lights and do anything she could to find Max as soon as.<p>

She felt Connie's eyes on her, she knew she was concerned,confused. She realised she had blurted it out, she had told Connie about Max when there wasnt even a her and Max anymore, it was all confusing. But she didn't care about any of it right now. She couldn't get the sound of the crash out of her head, the skidding of the breaks, the massive blood curdling bang at the end, followed by the silence.

She had managed to track Max's phone from hers as they both had iphones and there was a find my friends app on there, it was a good ten minutes away. Connie continued to stare at her colleague and she realised she needed to distract her, try and talk about something happier, something that didn't make Zoe's hands shake while they were on the wheel, something that didn't involve tears

"So, when did it all start?" she asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen

"about a year ago" Zoe admitted, softly, Connie looked shocked. Zoe, and Max from what she knew, werent the two most discreet people that worked for her.

"So thats why he looked like a dog who was going to be put down when you left. Interesting"

Zoe forgot everything for a moment and kinked up an eyebrow, amused "I didn't know you noticed staffs personal issues"

"I dont, but there are a set of nurses that gossip by my office. His sister being one of them" she glanced at Zoe and they shared a smile, before the panic set back in

"i need to find him" Zoe panicked, driving further on, looking at the dot on the map and feeling too far away from it, it didn't seem to be getting any closer, she hoped to god that he had his phone with him, or she was just on a wild goose chase

"we will" the other woman replied, suddenly seeing something ahead, she saw a car which definitely didnt look like it was just parked up.

She froze a little, seeing accidents never got old, or familiar. Especially when she knew one of her colleagues was trapped in that accident

"Zoe" she muttered slowly, looking over at her again, but Zoe's eyes had already widened in shock

* * *

><p>There was a car ahead of them, that had crashed into the "welcome to Holby" sign, it had come clean off the road, the sign was flattened. Zoe looked over at the dot on the map shakily, pulling over the car. This was it, this was where he was. That car that was crashed was him, it had to be<p>

She got out, not waiting for Connie

"Max!" she shouted, running towards the car, as fast as her heels could take her. The area was deserted, he must have been there for about half an hour, on his own, in the cold. She shook her head, trying not to think that way, this wouldn't help him

She heard Connie calling an ambulance behind her, she stepped closer to the car;she saw the front of the car, she could see his outline, she saw his messy hair, she could see blood, the window was already down.

She put her phones torch on and stepped towards the car, he was breathing, that was a sign, that was good. A small pang of relief spread through her body

"Max?" she asked, putting her head in the window and stroking his hair, hoping that it would calm him down, reassure him, even if he was unconscious.

His head had a huge gash on the side of it, his face was covered in blood, he was pale, really pale

"come on Max im _not_ losing you, you've gotta hang on for me" seeing him like this just made her realise how she felt about him, she didnt want to lose him, she couldnt lose him, not like this, not when he was in so much pain mentally, not when everything was so fragmented in his life, her life. Every feeling she had for him was rushing through her head now, she was trying to shake it away, focus

She took his pulse, which was normal, she wanted to get him out of the car but she knew it was way too risky at this stage, he could have neck injuries, back injuries, she couldnt move him

She heard a small noise, she looked at him as he started to stir a little, his eyes flickering open slowly, he looked from side to side, his eyes widening, he didnt have a clue where he was or how he got here

"Max" Zoe spoke quietly, trying not to startle him as he hadn't noticed her, he turned his head, wincing, she motioned for him to stop moving so he didn't hurt himself, but she wasn't sure how well he could see her

"What happened" he mused, to himself, everything was blurry, his head had a searing pain coming through to the point that even his eyes were hurting, even opening his eyes felt like effort. His ankle was killing him, everything just hurt. He turned around to see a blurry figure, Zoe. He was even more confused now, confused and in pain, lots of pain

"you've been in an accident" she told him quietly, stroking his hair, trying to calm him down.

Trying not to wince as her hands started to cover in blood, his blood.

"Accident?" he questioned, his words starting to slur in the same way that they did when he was speaking to her on the phone earlier. "No-" he said again, before his eyes closed

He had passed out again, Zoe was starting to panic, he needed to move but she couldn't move him, not without any equipment, not on her own. She took his pulse again, it was slow, slower than it was when she first took it

Connie came back with a first aid kit that she had found in the car. Zoe had shouted back to her, asking for it, she wanted to patch up what she could without the ambulance crew, she took out the bandage quickly.

Connie shone a light on his head while Zoe started to clean the wound, she put a bit of pressure on it, to stop the bloodflow, its all she could do without hurting him more. Connie had climbed in the other side of the car, starting to assess other wounds

"Ill need an xray but that leg is definitely broken, could need surgery. Did you say he was spiked swell?" Connie's voice had gone back from friend to medic, which Zoe was almost grateful for, she needed someone to be straight with her

"He said one of the guys back home spiked him, its happened before, he had to have his stomach pumped" she grimaced, and Connie sighed, ringing up Noel at reception

* * *

><p>"Yes, Noel, its <em>Miss-its Connie<em> ok, I need you to get in touch with Dixie and ask where the ambulance for Lynchpin Road is"

"Erm, yeah, sure. Is everything ok Mrs B?"

"Yes, quite alright. I also need you to get Tess, Charlie and Ash prepared, Max is coming in, theres been a crash."

"Blimey, is he ok?. Yeah sure, ill call you back when I speak to Dixie"

"Hopefully he will be we just need to get him in as soon as. Thank you. And remember Noel, be discreet. Not everybody needs to know about this" she used a stony manner only to make sure that the whole department didn't know, she knew her employees, bad news always seemed to spread like wildfire

It was the last thing Zoe needed, she knew Robyn had gone home in the last hour, not everybody should know before her

"Come on Max wake up, please" she heard Zoe plead. She started to dial Robyn, while watching Zoe still.

She saw her take his hand, it was odd for her to see Zoe so vunerable, so helpless

* * *

><p>"Oh sod this I cant just stand here waiting, im gonna get him out Connie it cant be good for him cooped up in there with a broken leg and that head injury, plus whatevers going on internally because of the drugs- and the crash now I mention it"<p>

Connie raised a hand in response "dont do it, I called Noel, Dixie and Iain are moments away, they can deal with this, just..i dont know, try and comfort him,wake him up. Keep calm, impulse decisions are going to kill him" she retorted, harshly. She didn't want to be harsh but she knew she had to reason with Zoe and stand against her on this, if that meant being harsh, then so be it

Zoe gave her a shaky nod, taking her hand away from the door, instead putting her head through the window and pressing a kiss to his head, cradling it in both hands. Connie stood in the road, flagging down the ambulance as soon as she heard the siren. It had only been about 15 minutes but when you were actually there, it felt like so much longer.

* * *

><p>"Connie, are you ok?" Dixie asked, parking up and running towards her, looking surprised and a bit afraid. Last time they were in this position was the day Jeff had died<p>

"im fine, its Max, me and Zoe found him on the way back to the hospital, hes been in a crash-" Dixie's eyes widened and her and lain started to walk with Connie as she spoke

"I think hes got a broken leg, he managed to tell us he had his drink spiked, his pulse is a bit slow, hes been in and out of consciousness and im a bit concerned about the head wound, Zoe's done a bandage on there just to try and contain it and put some pressure on it, its a pretty big wound"

The others nodded along with her, Iain bringing some equipment with him.

Zoe moved away upon seeing the paramedics, Dixie gave her a reassuring pat on the back, not even knowing how much comfort she had given in that small moment

"Hiya love, its Dixie, Max, your going to be ok, Iains going to get you out then we'll take you to hospital ok?"

Zoe was standing against her car with Connie, who had ushered her away as Dixie and Iain got to work

"Zoe, Dixies the best paramedic we've got, the best thing we can do right now is get back to the hospital" Connie told her, softly

"not until hes in the ambulance" she replied, in a low voice, tears springing into her eyes

"hes been through enough it was his dads bloody funeral today" she started, one hand reaching to her head, she raked her hand through her hair, she was speaking more to herself then to Connie, who stared at the floor, in disbelief at everything that had happened in the last hour

"life doesnt always deal the best hand" she responded, without looking up

"you can say that again"

She heard Dixies voice getting closer,

"Dix, how is he?" Zoe walked towards her

"lets just say the sooner hes in resus the better, his pulse is slow, the accident paired with the drugs, hes got a broken leg, im a bit worried about the head injury, but Connies got the ED prepped for him to come in. its going to be ok" she stopped for a moment

"You alright Zo, you look pale?"

"Yeah, sorry, im fine, just finding him like that"

"Course, its bound to be a bit of a shock. Dont worry hes in safe hands"

* * *

><p>Robyn was waiting at the ED, one minute she had been preparing blankets, cookies and films, then she got a call from Connie herself, telling her Max had been in an accident, none of it made sense it had all been ridiculously quick. He had only been five minutes away<p>

She shuddered a little in the cold, her eyes tearing up. She didnt know what state he was going to be in, if he was still alive. Connie had sounded scared on the phone. Connie of all people, she was the most placid, neutral person she knew and_ she_ sounded scared

"You just cant keep away" Lofty commented, giving her a wide grin as he saw her in reception, expecting her to retort with some sort of banter

She sniffed, loudly. She had tried to keep it quiet but all she could think about was her brother

"Oh no, no, whats wrong?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she cried

"Max is on his way in, he's had an accident, its bad Lofty, its really bad" she sniffed, leaning her head on his shoulder as he tried to take in the news. He tightened his arm around her and pulled her into a hug, he watched as Tess passed, she gave him an understanding nod, she clearly had already known the situation

"he'll be fine Robyn, he's a fighter, one of the toughest I know. He'll be ok" he rubbed her arm and leaned his head agaisnt hers, silently fearing for his friend himself

The doors burst open, he heard Dixie speaking, he heard Max's name mentioned to Ash, who had come straight out of resus upon hearing the doors open.

Lofty pulled Robyn closer, he wanted to make sure Max looked ok before letting her look. He sighed as he saw him being wheeled through, he was covered in blood, he had a neck brace on, a leg brace on his left leg, there had already been a drip set up

Robyn lifted her head up, starting to cry even more at the sight of her brother

"Max? _Max?_" she started to say, sniffling. Lofty stroked her hair reassuringly

"he looks awful" she commented

"you know how these things work, they look way worse then they are. Once the bloods cleaned he'll look better" he took a small intake of breath and nodded to himself

"i know" she replied, slowly, then she watched Connie and Zoe come through, Zoe going straight towards resus without a single look to anyone. Noel and Louise stared after her, a little confused. That was odd. Connie looked at them both, their glances shifting towards her

"Thank you" Robyn broke the silence, speaking to Connie

"for what?" she asked, sounding like her normal self

"you and Dr Hanna..Zoe. You both saved my brother. If he had been left god knows how bad it would of been" she sniffed a little bit more while saying this, opening her eyes towards the ceiling to try and delay more tears, she was trying to stop them. Subside her crying. It wasnt working

"Anytime. Ive got the best team working on him, its going to be ok" she nodded at Robyn, trying to reassure her. Dylan walked past, looking at Connie

"Was that Max?" he asked, out of earshot of Robyn

"Yes" Connie replied, starting to walk towards resus

"Wheres Zoe?" he asked, sharply

"in there. It was her who found him" she replied, not knowing how much Dylan knew. Dylan went into resus, surveying Zoe, who looked like she was trying to keep herself together

* * *

><p>"Zoe, coffee?" Dylan asked, putting a quick hand on her shoulder<p>

"i cant leave-" she whispered to him

"yes, yes you can. Just ten minutes" he quietly replied, before putting a hand on her back and leading her out of resus, to the hospital cafe. He could sense her stress level, he needed to get her out of the situation, try and placate her a little

"Dylan ive got to get back in there" she sipped on her coffee a little, swearing as she burnt her tongue

"just let Ash do his work, it is going to be ok"

"before you came in they had to shock him three times" she bluntly replied, closing her eyes, wishing she could just get the last hour or two back,she could of phoned him, she could of picked him up, she could of kept him safe

"you couldnt of done anything" Dylan had read her mind, he saw her glancing up and down the corridor, to the ceiling and back, he knew how her mind worked, he knew how determined she was to help Max before this accident happened

"from what I heard, you and Connie were pretty heroic finding him. I dont use that word lightly. I dont use that word at all really, but it seems appropriate"

"thats not how it happened. He called me, he told me he had been spiked. I told him to pull over, he tried to and he crashed"

"why was he driving if he was spiked?" Dylan thought out loud, thinking it sounded odd

"he had only just found out, someone had called him, he just thought he was ill. Then he called me. I should of just told him to drive home-"

"by the sounds of what they were saying in there, he blacked out at the wheel. There was nothing you could of done and blaming yourself isnt going to help him. Especially as your trying to be discreet about this whole thing"

"I dont even care right now Dylan, I just want him to be ok. i would shout my feelings from the roof if it meant he would wake up and be ok" she told him, sadly. She didnt even sound like herself. He nodded at her, he wasnt the best with emotions, but he knew Zoe needed someone to rely on through this, he was the only one who knew the truth about her concern for Max

"im gonna go check on him" she sighed, bleary eyed, drinking the rest of her coffee

"thank you- i think i needed this" she told him, giving him a small, watery eyed smile

"give him my best" he replied, quietly, she nodded as she walked towards resus, she was nervous about what she was going to find, even more nervous when she saw there was nobody in there, at all. Just Connie standing in the middle with a file

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><p>"Where is he?" Zoe asked Connie, quickly, her eyes darting around every corner of the room<p>

"Hes in a room in ITU, they need to monitor a few things. He may need to have surgery on his leg tomorrow, but I would rather he woke up first so we can see if the effects of the drug have worn off first. But hes stable, thats the main thing"

"Wheres Robyn?"

"I sent her home with Lofty to rest, she knows hes stable, she needs to rest so she can help him. Which you also need to do" she instructed her

"Im fine-"

"Zoe, you have eyeliner circles under your eyes, your voice is croaky, you haven't slept in at least 24 hours if not more, you've just worked a double shift -"

"With all due respect Connie I really just want to sit with him for a bit, I dont need to go home"

"Ok" the clincal lead held her hands up, defeated. She knew Zoe was just as stubborn as she was, it was part of the reason she respected her.

Zoe gave her a curt nod before heading upstairs in the lift, heading straight to ITU. She peered over the wards until she saw that Max had been given his own room. She smiled at him as she went in, he looked a lot better now the blood had been cleared off of his head

"So when I was clinical lead, I get a ward, and you get your own room" she smirked

"gotta love hierarchy. you better wake up soon, you would be loving this". She chuckled a little and pulled the visitors chair a little closer to Max's bed.

"so, you've got to wake up mister, because I just told Connie I had feelings for you. Which I do by the way. I miss you, us. You being in- we-the crash, really made me think. And that is the only speech that is happening, so you better wake up Mr Walker, I need leading astray. Your the only one who can do it. its always you.." she let a tear fall as she took his hand in hers, kissing his head and stroking his hair with her free hand, burying her head in his hands. She didn't care who saw her at this point

It couldnt end like this, could it?


	13. Chapter 13

_Ahh thank you so much for the reviews everyone, it makes my morning every single time! To the guest who reviews about the flashbacks, there are 2 in this chapter dedicated to you :) its always nice writing something light in the midst of all this turmoil! So we have valentines this weekend, i hope we get at least some Zax! _

_Keep commenting and thanks again everyone! :)_

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><p><em>It was Zoe's birthday, she didnt like birthdays. <em>

_Not because of the age factor, more because she couldnt stand being the center of attention for a whole day. She was usually working, she usually had cards, cakes and all sorts flung at her. She had managed to get the dreaded day off this year, and she just wanted a peaceful day. Which in her line of work was near impossible _

_The doorbell rang. She sighed, she knew she wouldnt of been able to escape that easily. She pulled on a dressing gown aswell as her glasses, to try and give the impression at least that she had been reading something, and not that she had been watching daytime television all day on one of her only days off _

_She flung open the door and saw a grinning Max, holding a balloon, an small gift bag and some champagne. She pretended to grimace then shook her head. There could be worse visitors_

"_I heard it was a certain someones birthday" brandishing the champagne as if it were a medal_

"_Not mine" Zoe returned Max's grin, he laughed_

"_Yeah I did hear there was another Zoe living here-" she stood to the side so he could get in, he peered around the doorway, into the lounge, before raising his eyebrow and looking amused _

"_glasses for Loose Women? You must really like it" he mused, sarcastically, she smiled again_

"_welll-"_

"_you thought it would be Tess or someone so you were pretending you were doing admin or something hospital-like werent you?" he quickly interjected, a smile working its way onto his face. She nodded, impressed that he saw through her that quickly_

"_yup" _

"_so, im assuming you want a non birthday birthday, so I say champagne, some films, some fun" he waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, causing her to shake her head and laugh_

"_how did you get the day off?" she pondered_

"_i have an awful bought of flu. Robyn almost caught it just looking at me. Well, thats what Connies gonna know anyway. I had to pay Robyn and Lofty a tenner, and they call themselves friends. Swindlers. i told them it was a family emergency!" _

"_you faked the flu for me..oh Max" she responded, pretending to swoon, he placed his hands around her waist_

"_only the best for you" he winked, pulling her towards him for a kiss _

"_happy-" he kissed her again before he got the next word out_

"_birthday" he punctuated each kiss until he got through "happy birthday to you", Zoe ran her hands through his hair, pulling him back towards her __indefinitely_

"_I like to shower on my birthdays" she whispered, breaking apart from the kiss, taking his hand and leading him upstairs as he followed and nodded enthusiastically _

"_Im assuming thats an invite and your not going to shut the door in my face" he responded, she chuckled appreciatively_

"_you assume correctly" she pulled him into the bathroom, pulling down the blinds, then pulling Maxs T-shirt over his head, closing the gap between them once more_

_Maybe birthdays could be fun..._

* * *

><p>Zoe snapped out of her dream, wishing it had been that time again. It was a whole lot simpler watching her age go up a number then watching the guy she loved in a hospital bed, thats for sure. She hated not being able to do anything. She had been reading through the notes for hours on end, before Dylan had came up with a coffee and a snack for her, and in turn wrestled the notes from her hands, looked over them himself, telling her that <em>"if the best, aka, me can't wake him up, nobody can. your just going to have to wait" <em>

She sat up and looked at the time, 4 hours had passed, her shift started in 2. She cursed herself for falling asleep, she had told herself not to

The sensible part of her told her to go home, have a shower, eat something then come back. But she wanted to be there for him when he woke up, when he had questions. She wanted to reassure him that he was ok. She didnt want to leave.

A figure came in the doorway, it was Robyn. She shook her head, trying to get her hair into some sort of order, she started to stand, straightening her skirt, to make it look as if she had just arrived

"Zoe" Robyns face filled with a small, appreciative smile as she sat down on another chair. Zoe gave her a nod

"how are you?" she asked, and the other girl nodded

"feel better now ive slept. Although I barely did sleep, thinking about this one all night" she gave her a look, as if to say _"why are you here?"_, but she wasn't going to say it

"just wanted to check in" Zoe said, nodding to herself, trying to convince herself aswell as Robyn

"I heard you were a real hero at the crash site. Thank you" Robyn told her, in an unusual serious tone

"No problem at all. I wish I could of done more" Zoe admitted, before looking from Max to Robyn "im gonna make a move, see you soon"

"Thank you again" Robyn smiled, as she started to murmur to her brother. Zoe walked away, shuddering a little. She wanted to rewind to a time where Max wasnt in a hospital bed, a time where everything hadnt got so serious.

Usually between the two of them, their biggest problem was finding a hideout, or finding eachother. Now Max had a dead dad, now he had almost died, and she had to sit by, knowing that he didnt feel like he could confide in her because she pushed him away..

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><p>"<em>So, not appropriate in the hospital, not appropriate outside the hospital, so its pretty much not appropriate in public, just to reiterate?" he had asked her, they were walking back from the pub to hers. They had both been there for after work drinks, before she had given him a swift kick under the table to let him know that she wanted him to take her home. He had made an excuse about an early shift, while she followed five minutes later with an excuse about paperwork<em>

"_Max-" she started, feeling awful. She didn't want to air her love life just yet, and it was partly due to not knowing how people would react. She knew both of them were going to get grief and she wasnt ready for it. She wanted to keep things low key, fun_

"_No, its fine. I understand. I mean its like the queen going out with the court jester. Or the porter, thats lower then a jester right? I think the court kitchens have porters-" he mused, she sighed in response _

"_please tell me you dont think I see you that way"_

"_its not you that your concerned about, its the others. I doubt Connie and the gang would approve, im like vermin in their eyes. Connie doesn't know my name, and she will probably never care, and the others just give me coffee cups and smiles as if I'm simple. i understand, its hierarchy at its best " _

"_thats not true" she tapped his arm lightly, this was always a sore point in their relationship, or whatever it was. _

_She personally didn't care. All she cared about was the fact he made her happier then she had ever been. But she did know that Connie would judge her. As would a lot of others. Was it selfish of her to make that into an obstacle? She didnt want him to feel inferior, but she just didnt want to make it public, she didn't want her life to be the spotlight of the hospital yet again. it was like living in a giant fishbowl and she didn't want her and Max to be the centrefold, the subject of bets, the glaring _

"_oh it is. The gap is as gaping as it ever was"_

"_not in my eyes. Your not just a porter"_

"_What am I?" he asked her, pulling her into a nearby alleyway. She smiled, seeing the lust twinkling in his eyes as it rained lightly, she knew he had dropped the previous conversation topic, and she was grateful. He always knew not to push her too hard_

_She stepped towards him, tracing a finger down his back, motioning that he follow her into a darker part of the alleyway _

"_Your smart" she started, putting one arm around his back, he moved closer towards her, his eyes connecting with hers. None of them looked away _

"_your handsome. Some might even say sexy" she pulled her other arm around his back, her hands clasping together around his back, as she moved a little bit closer to him, their eyes still latched onto one __another_

"_your kind of funny" she told him, pressing a kiss to his neck. She heard his breathing hitch a little as he listened _

"_and you may be a porter, but your my porter-" she could of said more, but he immediately swooped down, closing the gap between them. He put both of his hands around her face, cupping her cheeks as he kissed her, at first lightly, she moved her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as he could be as he deepened the kiss. She moaned lightly_

"_and your the only person who makes me feel .this" she whispered to him, raspily, as he gave her a wide grin before she pushed him agaisnt the stone wall, kissing him again_

"_oh doctor, I think we better get you home" he gave her a small wink as they broke apart, both breathless_

"_i think your prognosis is correct" she grinned, the glint in his eyes mirroring hers_

* * *

><p>"Zoe, I told you to go home" her daydream had come to an abrupt end as she heard the harsh tones of Connie. Although, in her defence, the harsh tones had been laced with a level of concern that never used to be audible in her voice.<p>

"Im going now, ill be back in an hour" she told Connie, honestly, stifling a yawn "i slept on the ward". Connie's glare softened slightly upon hearing this

"what, youve been with Max_ all_ night?" Noel had interjected, suspiciously his elbow on the edge of his desk, as he had been listening, but pretending he hadnt been. Louise gave him a sharp nudge and shook her head, muttering _"men" _while typing. Noel was unaware what it was he had meant to of done

"I fell asleep" she gave Noel a sleepy smile, while Connie shot him daggers

Connie walked with Zoe to the entrance of the hospital

"Call me if theres any change" she told her, quietly, and Connie nodded, watching her until she left.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Zoe was back at work, she had drained 3 triple shot coffees, her stomach was a mess, but she was functioning. She also managed to ring the ITU unit a handful of times, to check up on Max.<p>

Nobody but Dylan saw what she was doing, and although he was shaking his head in addition to rolling his eyes, she knew he understood because he didnt rat her out, even to Connie, and he even asked once or twice if there had been a change. She also thought there was a ulterior motive to him staying in resus with her all day when it was quiet, and hovering over her shoulder on every case. He was looking out for her, in his own way

Max was in his room, Robyn flicking through a magazine without even looking at the pages, waiting for him to wake up

He opened his eyes slightly, it was light, it was blurry, _really_ blurry. He felt groggy, hot. There was a tube down his throat, he felt a drip in his arm. He couldn't remember a thing, he didnt know why he was here. Where was he? Was this some sort of strange dream, he had been driving, now he was here?

Robyn was telling Max every bit of idle gossip that she saw in the magazine "oooh, starsigns. Apparently im going to watch a funny incident at work today. I guess thats standard when your working with Lofty" she chuckled a little, oblivious to the fact her brother was waking up around her

"oh, and your going to have a love interest reassess her feelings for you? Maybe mystery girl didnt get a puncture after all" she mused, then suddenly put the magazine down. This wasnt making her feel better, she just wanted her brother back. She looked at him for a moment, before realising she could see the whites of his eyes again. Suddenly his hand shot to the mask over his face, struggling with it.

She beamed, then quickly stood up "Max! Dont mess with that, just stay still for me"

He stood the mask off for a second "what happened?" he asked, slowly, his speech still slurred. His eyes closed as he tried to process the amount of pain he was in

"you had a crash. Word is your drink was spiked, and you crashed. Really badly actually" her chest heaved up and down at an alarming rate as she tried to stop herself shaking and crying "you really banged yourself up little bro, you almost died" she sniffed, stuttering a little as she came to terms with the reality of what could of happened

he didnt speak, he instead reached for her hand, showing that he understood, and that he was sorry that she had to go through that

"im going to get someone up here, ok?" she nodded, letting go of his hand and getting up. She saw Connie passing the empty nurses station

"Connie. Sorry, I mean Miss Beauchamp"

"Can I help?" Connie asked, cocking her head to one side trying to assess the situation

"Max has just woken up, I cant find anyone. Can you check him over for me? Sorry if im interrupting" she replied, eyeing the apple in Connies hand, half eaten. Connie tossed it in the bin

"breaks are for the needy" she raised an eyebrow, looking at Robyn, who quickly, against her will and her beliefs nodded to agree, before stepping into Max's room

She felt his head, which still felt a little warm.

"Are you in pain?" she asked him softly, watching as he squeezed his eyes shut, wincing. He opened his eyes for a moment and nodded, Connie just saw pain, and fear

"ill get something for that, dont worry. Youve broken your leg" she glanced around and checked his notes "apparently the nursing staff up here have graduated from the school of imbeciles due to the fact you havent had your pain meds in over 7 hours. Robyn, if you would do the honours" she instructed, pointing to the medicine tray which had been abandoned earlier on by whichever nurse had last checked on him

"Sure" she nodded, smiling a little. It always gave her confidence to see Connie in charge of a situation,she was always so assured, so confident

Max opened his mouth to speak, but had an extremely dry throat. Instead, he coughed, Connie looked at him and shook her head

"Dont speak yet, have some water first. The drugs those _morons_ gave to you seemed to be pretty heavy hitting. They've mixed quite a few together, hence the reaction. Your probably going to feel a bit out of sorts for a while, but after thats worn off we can get you into surgery for your leg" he smiled slightly at hearing her say "morons". it sounded borderline as if she was a little protective of him, although he realised he was probably overthinking

She watched as he nodded and sipped some water. Finally having the nourishment to speak, he opened his mouth again

"why do I need surgery?" he croaked, looking to be the picture of confusion

"you've broken your leg but in two places, we need to move one of the bones so it doesnt affect any of your nerves, but the drugs youve been given already will reverse the anaesthetic, so we need to wait until your clear of them"

Robyn smiled at him, her eyes still a little red from crying. "im going to tell Lofty and Ethan, theyve been in the relatives room since lunch, theyve been ever so worried" she stood up, and ruffled his hair

"never do that again" she told him, in what she understood to be a warning tone

"so I get spiked and crash, and its _my_ fault" he sarcastically responded, earning a laugh from Robyn and a tight lipped smile from Connie, who waited until Robyn had started to go down the stairs

"theres someone else who will be very relieved your awake" she told him, Max narrowed his eyes as much as he could, looking a lot more relaxed now the painkillers had entered his system

"who?" he asked, looking to the side

"a certain Doctor Hanna slept here last night, and I hear shes been ringing up every hour, on the hour, to check on your progress"

"good to see shes err. Thorough with her team" Max croaked, he was secretly pleased she had come to see him, but he didnt know how much Connie knew. Connie's expression gave a slight hint of a smile

"I know" she repsonded, quickly "and for what its worth, I think she really cares for you" she gave him a rare smile, before walking off to the phone that was on the wall of the ward. He smiled to himself before closing his eyes again. She cared. Enough to tell Connie, the one she was scared of telling the most.

"Hello?" Connie picked up the phone, looking around the ward and wondering why it was like a ghost town

"Connie is that you?" Zoe's puzzled tone answered, wondering what the hell Connie would be doing in ITU

"Yes, as apparently everyones on lunch in this badly run ward, Which as soon as I'm back in the ED is getting reported" came the deadpan response

"Right? So-"

"Hes awake" Connie quickly said, she could hear the sigh of relief from the other end of the phone

"thats great. Im going to come up now-" she backtracked a little, realising who she was speaking to

"if thats ok" she corrected herself, in a smaller voice

"absolutely fine" Connie responded, smirking a little as she put the phone down

Zoe breathed in and looked around her, and for the first time in 24 hours, she smiled, really smiled. This was the chance to start over, she didn't care about anyone or anything apart from the man three floors above her who had just woken up


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks so much for the reviews everyone, genuinely chuffed! :) So kind! Bit of a short chapter but hopefully you all enjoy it! Keep reviewing, much love!

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><p>Zoe started to climb the stairs, as the lift was taking a while. Sods law, she had her heels on and the lifts were taking a while, if only they knew.<p>

She felt numb, overjoyed, yet totally clammed up at the same time. She didnt know it was possible to have this many emotions, even as a woman.

She didnt know what she was going to say to him, how she was even going to react to seeing him, there wasn't exactly a handbook on "_how to treat injured ex's that your still in love with after an almost death_". She carried on climbing, she thought of him, awake, alert. She thought of being able to look into those blue eyes and have them actually being focused on her again, instead of closed and blood stained. She grinned

"Oh, stop it, you'll make me smile" commented Connie, who was passing her on the stairs. Zoe chuckled a little in response, which seemed to be infectious as the other woman joined her for a couple of seconds

"hows he doing?" she asked, and Connie stopped

"for the damage the drugs have done to his internal organs, extremely well"

"i thought the scans were clear?"

"they seem to think so but ive booked him another scan, theres some shadows around his stomach area I dont like the look of, and judging by the fact there was nobody to be seen when he woke up, their attention to detail is a little, if not very lapse" the other woman replied, arching an eyebrow, giving Zoe a "_don't__ read into i_t" expression.

Zoe gave her a polite nod, which she had hoped would come across as grateful aswell. She didnt know what Connies motives were for giving Max's file a second look, if it was just her being competitive, a perfectionist, or something more human like looking out for her team..she was grateful.

"Zoe?" Connie queried, watching as Zoe started to turn on her feel, focusing her attention on Connie

"Don't worry about what everyone thinks. Life's too short" she gave her a calm smile, one of the dimples on her cheeks flashing for a split second. A geunine Connie smile, a smile that gave Zoe the knowledge that if Connie was on her side, she would fight her corner. this gave her a renewed confidence

"thanks. I don't know how he'll react though, i-ive been a bit confused to say the least" she confided, watching the other womans expression carefully and trying to read it

"I think at this point he'll know that all the best ones are a bit confused. besides, even with everything thats been going on he's still found time to stare after you at work. Lurking around in resus the other day when you had that prisoner in, to make sure you weren't going to be threatened or hurt. I did wonder why at the time, to be honest i just thought he was being nosey.."

"hes not the most subtle of people"

"who wants subtle anyway? if subtle was a wallpaper it would be magnolia or even _worse, beige_" this comment was met with a laugh from both women, before they separated.

* * *

><p>Zoe finally got to the entrance, where she saw Max straight away, his eyes were closed. But she could tell he wasnt in a comatose state anymore, he looked peaceful, he had some colour in his face.<p>

She sighed a little, internally smiling at the fact she had another chance to talk to him, say how she felt

She stroked a bit of his hair out of his eyes as she sat down, cursing the man in the bed for making her feel so soppy and unlike herself

"Coco chanel and cigarettes, god I always loved that smell" Max slurred dreamily, his eyes flickering open, resting on Zoe. His face spread into a small smile, she smiled back, for some reason still feeling nervous

"how you feeling Mary Jane?" she asked, watching as he tried to sit himself up. She stopped him, rubbing his back as he coughed a little

"god I hate being such an invalid" he croaked, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips

"you've only been awake for about a half hour" she replied, slightly amused

"and im already bored out my mind" he retorted, widening his eyes for effect, followed by wincing as his head started to hurt again. Zoe chuckled, stroking his head

"you look after yourself, right?" she absent mindedly stroked his head again, watching as the frown lines and creases in his forehead dropped, his expression calmed again, before turning serious

"_sorry_"

"what on earth are you sorry for?" she glanced at him, her eyes slightly narrowed

"when I heard about the crash I remembered that I called you. I shouldnt of done that"

"why not?"

"because we aren't anything anymore, and im pretty sure you were in a kinda uncomfortable position there"

"nothing I cant wriggle out of- and-" she started to stutter a little bit herself, this was the part of the conversation she was dreading, the part where she had to get a little serious, where she had to lay her heart on the line.

This wasn't how she was, she functioned on her own, she lived on her own, she was not co-dependent. But everytime she saw him lying in that bed, a pang of sadness went shooting through her heart to her stomach, she knew why

"Max-" she started, moving her hand down to his cheek, cupping it a little. He moved his head slightly, adjusting his head so he was leaning on her hand slightly

"Zo, you dont have to say or do anything" he whispered, his blue eyes swimming with sincerity, he didn't want her to feel backed into a corner by this situation, he didnt want her to feel like she had to say something he wanted to hear

"Im not" she calmly responded, stroking her thumb over one of his bruised cheekbones, willing him to listen

"when I got that call from you, I heard-it. The crash" Max's face dropped, he closed his eyes and shook his head a little, starting to utter the word sorry again

"I was so scared Max, so _terrified_ at the thought of losing you" she looked into his eyes, his eyes darted to hers, finally fixing in one position, watching her "i couldnt believe that I had almost lost you and you didnt even know how I feel"

She scooted her chair a little closer, the chair clanging down with a clumsy clunk as she tried to do it one handed. A smile started to spread across Max's features, one that was returned as they both chuckled a little awkwardly

"Before I met you, I couldnt imagine ever wanting someone with me, all the time-"

"i think your describing a stalker-" he cut in, a cheeky grin paired with his comment. She ruffled his hair affectionately and laughed, knowing he was doing this to make it a bit easier for her, he knew as well as she did that she avoided emotional conversations revolving her personal life for all she was worth

"I never thought I would miss someone at night, and laugh with someone, the way I did with you. The thought of having that all just ripped away, gone, so quickly. It messed with me" she admitted, watching as his face grew confused, he wasn't sure where she was going with this, if she was going anywhere at all

"I- I- I cant believe im saying this but I love you. I _really_ do. I don't want to waste anymore time, That night in the ED, I didnt know what we were, how I was meant to feel. I only had Dylan who actually knew how I was feeling, I dont think I want that anymore"

his expression changed, his eyes lit up, the happiness gleaming through his eyes

"i love you too. I think I did from the first time you nicked my cigarette" she took a relieved breath, while he looked at the change in her expression. Had she actually been nervous, had she thought he wasn't going to respond in the same way? He didn't think his love for her could have been any clearer

"one thing though" he purred, thoughtfully. Zoe tipped her head to the side, indicating that she was listening

"If I want you to admit your feelings, do I always need to be drugged and crash cars, or will it be easier this time around?" he caught her eye, she smirked a little, before laughing and standing, bending over, placing a kiss on his forehead, holding his head in both of her hands. He held her wrists weakly, stroking the bare skin tentatively, in disbelief that this had happened. She lowered her head to meet his, kissing the tip of his nose carefully

"you are not even walking without a chaperone for the next couple of weeks, Mr Walker" she murmured, not wanting to let him go yet. She didn't even feel like they were in the hospital, it was like they were in a private bubble, the way things had been when they started up

* * *

><p>She sat back down, still holding his arm. They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while, before Max suddenly turned his head to her<p>

"how bad is the operation?" he asked, in an uncharacteristically scared, dark tone. She didn't usually see him in such a vulnerable state, he usually knew what he was facing, but in these past couple of weeks he had been flung outside of his comfort zone, mentally and physically. She vowed to herself that they were going to get through this

"it wont be that bad, or long. And in other good news, Connie's taken it upon herself to try and run the ward your on aswell as the whole ED, so she'll be sitting in. She can be a royal pain in the you-know-what but she is the woman you want on her case"

"second to you" he muttered, a comment that was met with a humble shake of the head paired with a modest smile

"well isnt this all a mess" he pursed his lips a little

"it'll get easier. All of it will. I'll be there" she sat on the edge of the bed, she could see the fear in his eyes growing, she could feel his muscles tense, thoughts rocketing through his head at miles per hour. the operation, the scan, everything that had happened in the last few weeks. He had only been awake for about an hour, it had to be overwhelming..

"oh Max, what am I going to do with you?" she sighed, as he budged up, inviting her to sit down. She knew if she sat or laid down, that she probably wouldn't get back up, but she still found herself swinging her feet over the side of the bed, fitting onto the single bed with Max, Max who had just woken up

He put a weak arm around her, playing with her hair, his eyes starting to fall to a relaxed close. She rested her head lightly on his shoulder, wondering how she could of lived without the relaxing feeling of being in his arms for so long, her hand started to find its way to his cheek, her other arm was pulled around his waist, enveloping him in a hug. He looked tired. She had noticed these things more lately, she felt protective of him, she wanted to take care of him

"sleep" she instructed him, quietly

"im scared" he admitted, barely audible

"don't be. Just close your eyes, I will be here" she finished playing with his hair, shutting her own eyes

"i will if you will" she comprimised, he met her eyes before giving her a sleepy nod, his head falling against hers, nuzzling into her hair.

He had a broken leg, his dad was still gone, he had a stomach ache, a headache, and everything was blurry on the occasions that he did open his eyes. But having Zoe back in his arms, he actually believed things could be ok. And even if the feeling only lasted an hour, it was the best he had felt in weeks.


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you for the reviews guys, 100! i can't believe it, made my day! keep them coming and any ideas you want to happen! And there was a someone a while back who mentioned about the Max/Cal friendship, ill be revisiting that soon! This chapters a bit more of a fluffy chapter but someone does find out so i am sort of moving the story forward! Just thought we all deserved a bit of fluff as there has been so much drama the last few chapters! Also did a flashback for this one! Big love to all! xx

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><p>Zoe lifted her head, wearily. The sky outside had started to set, giving the room an beautiful orange glow, she almost forgot she was was in a hospital<p>

She looked at Max next to her, who by the looks of it was out for the count, Connie had come in a few hours ago and given him some drugs for the pain. She had now taken it upon herself to look after Max, as she thought the nurses were incapable. She would of usually put up a fight, but as nobody had even been in to check on him, she considered it a safe mood

She snuggled into his chest a little more, looking upto him, almost savouring him. The fact that he was ok, they were ok, was quite overwhelming to her considering 24 hours ago she had thought he was going to die, without knowing anything about how much she felt for him.

She watched, soothed as his chest rose and fell, a small smile crossing his features as he did so.

She knew she would have to get back to work soon, but for now, the moment was perfect. Connie had told her to come back in 3 hours, she still had 1 to go

She was suddenly distracted by the creak of the door opening, a light shining in the room

"So this is what passes as work these days?" came a kind, but confused voice. Zoe sat up, squinting a little as she saw Charlie

* * *

><p>"What are you doing here?" she countered, watching Charlie place a large card onto the table at the end of the bed<p>

he gestured towards it "the nursing team just wanted to do something. Lofty and Robyn have both been beside themselves with worry all day" he looked at her

"i guess some of us have more hands on methods" he nodded towards the bed, where she was still half sitting half lying, in addition to having Max's arm curled around her waist. she noticed her own arm was cradled around his neck, her hand was tangled in his hair still

"Charlie-" she started, then realised there was no use lying anymore, if she did, she would look quite frankly, ridiculous

"we've been seeing eachother" she admitted, watching a small smile break out onto his face

"I can see that. I saw you both sleeping before, you looked happy, relaxed, not as stressed as you've been the last few months. I dont think ive seen you happy since-"

"Since Nick" she completed his sentence, watching him struggle with the words

"its nice to see" he commented, "does anyone else know?"

"Dylan, Connie. Thats about it. Telling people just, makes us into hospital gossip. I dont want that for us, not for me again. i can't walk around corners, knowing that all the staff are inventing stories about me and about him-"

"Do you love him?" he asked, watching as Zoe pushed his hair out of his eyes with a soft gaze in hers

"I really do Charlie, I cant believe it, but I really do. Hes charming, relaxing. Has the right level of sarcasm to deal with me" the last comment dragged a smile from the older mans lips

"then is it fair not to tell anyone?" he asked, softly, sensing exactly why she was trying to keep everything private "the hospital gossip will die down" he told her, kindly "alot of things happen around here, people will move past it. but i remember another couple, kind of in your position actually. but they didn't go public for ages, and it almost ruined them" she nodded, knowing that Charlie was referring to Ruth and Jay. He was very close to Jay, he would of heard about it all first hand

"I know" she replied, wearily, "i_ know_"

"ill leave you to it" Charlie nodded, a twinkle in his eye, exiting the room.

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><p>Max started to stir a little<p>

"You need your sleep" she told him, sitting back down onto the bed

"I feel like im been sleeping for a year and im still tired" he groaned, then a serene smile spread across his features as he stroked her arm lightly

"your still here" he smiled, she rolled over so she was facing him

"told you I would be" she raised her eyebrows "are you telling me you didnt believe me Mr Walker?"

"I just thought you might have something a little more _important_ to attend to" he replied, also going onto his side and meeting her gaze

"more important then helping my invalid of a boyfriend?" she questioned, using a flirty tone; she then realised she used the word boyfriend and internally cringed. That hadn't been discussed yet

his face lit up into a boyish grin

"boyfriend?" he murmured, watching her try to hide her face, much to his amusement

"fancy it?" she asked, keeping her voice casual

"i like the sound of that" he gave her what was meant to be a suave wink, but doing any facial gesture seemed to add to the pain in his head. She chuckled at him, before watching him, he looked like he wanted to say something but he was battling with saying it

"so-how appropriate-"

"this time round its not a secret"

"so, just to clarify, that means we are telling everyone" he blinked at her, as if he was in disbelief

"i think thats what not a secret means" her tone was sarcastic but she smiled at him, they both laughed

"Robyns going to have a field day"

"well the balls in your court now, ive told Connie, Dylan, and Charlie"

"you mean Charlie discovered you in my bed so you told him to avoid rumours of sexual harassment?" he muttered, causing her to burst out laughing

"your a caution. But yes, I dont think there was an excuse I could sell to Charlie as he walked in on me laying down in your bed with my arm around you"

"ah, I can see how that would be difficult"

"thanks"

they both chuckled

"so when can I get out of here?" he asked

"not for a while yet, you have an operation to get through" he looked down at his leg, which was fully casted up

"Connie also wants to send you for another scan, she just wants to double check the drugs havent done any internal damage"

"_fantastic_"

"would you rather have internal damage you didnt know about?" she asked, looking at him sternly

"now you put it like that, I suppose not. On the subject of internal injuries, namely lungs do you reckon you could wheel me out for a cigarette, I would kill for one"

"if Connie caught me wheeling you out for a cigarette she would have my blood, my legs, my head-need I go on?" he nodded, restlessly

"about this operation-" he started, trying to sound casual

"if you want to keep your leg you need to do it"

"ah. _Bien_"

"still putting random bits of french in sentences?"

"yeah, although ive pulled the mademoiselle of my dreams already" he gave her a cheeky smile, the glint in his eyes reminiscent of the first time that she had met him, she rolled her eyes and returned the grin

"so, I guess im going to need to tell Robyn" he pursed his lips "she is genuinely going to have a field day, to be honest I wouldnt be surprised if she was doing a mystery girl sweepstake right now"

"im going to be very offended if they dont even _consider_ me" she tapped him on the nose

"oh, she wont. Your far too good for me, the porter" he gave her a soft smile, but she could see beyond that, she could see the smile was laced with insecurity

"i wouldnt care if you were a bin dispenser, a cafe owner, an owner of a private jet. As long as your you, thats fine by me. I never cared, and it took a while, but I dont really care what anyone else thinks" he sat up a little, before giving her a small kiss

"i could live off of that"

"oh you giant cheeseball" she started laughing, really laughing. Belly laughing. He laughed too, not caring that it hurt for the moment, he didnt even mind where he was, he had Zoe, his girlfriend. His_ girlfriend _

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><p>"<em>So, you have a day off today, I have a day off today" Max had phoned Zoe, who was actually out of the hospital for once<em>

"_thank you for calling me to establish that" she replied, in a deadpan tone, smiling as she heard the laugh from the other end_

"_i was going to suggest doing something-" _

"_what do you suggest?" _

"_well, I dont know about you but I definitely need some alcohol, as Robyn had a party last night and one of her female friends threw up, then slept in my bed, then threw up in my bed, all while I was holed up on the downstairs sofa- so definitely alcohol" _

"_so definitely alcohol?" she repeated, in a mocking tone, hearing his laugh sound again, it was infectious _

"_definitely alcohol" _

"_come round with a bottle of red and we'll see what happens" she told him, hearing him scrambling around for shoes _

"_on my way"_

"_have you cleaned up the sick?"_

"_i do enough of that at work thanks, Robyn can be the candidiate for that job. Her friend her sick" he reasoned _

"_you could argue your room your sick?" she questioned, sounding amused_

"_you could, but you wont" _

"_make it two bottles of red"_

_Soon enough Max was at Zoe's, he held out the wine towards her, she looked impressed_

"_you got my favourite?" she wore a small smile_

"_attention to detail is one of the job requirements for a porter" he gave her a sleek smile_

"_is it?" she asked, looking a little confused_

"_no" he quickly replied, they both sniggered a little _

"_i was going to make some dinner"_

"_and what did I do to deserve that?" he asked, his voice high pitched. he had heard rumours about her cooking. She cackled as she walked back towards the kitchen_

"_i was going to order a pizza actually you cheeky git" _

"_now thats my kind of cooking" he looked delighted as he watched her flick through the takeaway menus. He came up behind her, running his hands over her hips, a settled expression replacing his happy one as he closed his eyes, breathing in her smell. He kissed her neck_

"_never stop wearing that perfume" he mumured agaisnt her neck, she chortled a little, leaning back into him, enjoying the feeling of being with someone again. Having someone around for her, someone who was so keen to be around her _

_she turned around, looking into his eyes intently _

"_whats on your mind?" he asked, his hands still clasped around her back_

"_what possibly could attract you to days like this, when boys your age should be drinking vodka in the clubs and testing the female population?" she was genuinely interested_

"_you see, I've done all that in uni, and ive done it a little here, it gets boring quickly. Nights like this with, someone like you. Is perfect" he looked down at her, the look in his eyes still serious_

"_your perfect" he gave her a small, understated smile, the sort that she only saw once or twice from him but it was just as geunine as the trademark grin he usually wore_

"_Max-" she started, placing her hands on his chest_

"_you dont have to say anything" he told her, in a low voice. He knew he was falling for her, not even falling, fallen._

_ But he knew she had had her heart broken before, that she was going to be held back and he respected that. This for him was his first love, the first person he never got bored of, the first person he laughed with, the first person he missed whenever they weren't there besides family. But he didnt want to force any feelings_

_She surveyed him, before raising one hand to his cheek_

"_thank you" she voiced, stroking his face as he looked down a little, before pulling his chin up, bringing his face closer to hers. She kissed him, a small peck. He brought her closer to him, as she leaned in again, running one hand through his hair, the other hand placed around his neck as she felt his arms tighten around her, the kisses slowly deepening, he heard her moan slightly agaisnt him_

_she broke away from him, _

"_your kind of perfect too" she muttered, pushing him agaisnt one of the kitchen counters, this led to him kissing her with more passion, more vigour He loved her, he couldn't say it because it would freak her out, but he loved her, he wanted to show her. _

_With every kiss he tried to, and the way that she held him, the way that she was so determined to hold him close with every single kiss, he had a feeling that her feelings to him weren't just lust either._


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews again guys! Lovely to hear from everyone :) This chapter again is a bit of a slow one but don't worry, there will be plenty of drama coming! Am very excited for tomorrow, hoping that we get a bit more Zax screen time (although its probably unlikely!)

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><p>Robyn had come to visit Max, smiling as she sat on the bed, he looked better today. He had looked better the last couple of days, although he still wasn't well<p>

"So, operation later?" she questioned, watching as he pulled the cover over his head

"thanks for the reminder" came a mutter from the bed

"oh come on its not that bad, ive watched loads of people go into surgery"

"and how many do you see come out?" was the response

"Max, its a broken leg, you've hardly got a brain tumour or some sort of heart surgery"

"Connie- _Miss Beauchamp_ said I had internal damage" he replied, childishly

"and would she let you have surgery if it would kill you?" she mirrored the tone in his voice

"i dont know, she may have a vendetta agaisnt porters?" he responded, but he was smiling. They both laughed a little

"honestly, it'll be ok, and you wont be so dazed all the time as you wont have nearly as many painkillers"

"is that meant to cheer me up?" he questioned, she snorted

"you've looked quite cheery lately _all things considering_-" she started, wondering if she should ask him the question that was really on her lips.

He had looked happy, very happy for someone who had just been drugged, lost their dad, and crashed a car, almost dieing? She had only ever seen him with a delirious grin on his face when he was with the mystery girl

"Robyn, just ask whatever it is you want to ask. You'll be able to breathe that way" he grinned at her folded arms and the way that she was focusing her eyes on the wall, taking short, sharp breaths

"ok- whose your girlfriend?" she asked, watching Max scoff a little

"jesus, I thought you were at least going to give me a speech first"

"you know im more of a rip the plaster off girl" she gave him a smug smile, he laughed and looked down "so who?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him, trying to make him talk

"she works here" he told her, sitting up a little bit, he wasnt going to let her have this easy, he was going to make her guess, torture her

"Oh come on just tell me!" she whined, rubbing her hands together

"it'll be much more fun if you guess" he grinned, wickedly

"ok, nurse or porter?"

"none"

"Max, a doctor? Come on now, in your dreams"

"its truee" he sing songed, she raised her eyebrows

"in our ED?"

"in _our_ ED" he repeated, slowly, as if he was talking to a 5 year old

"So, a doctor?" she questioned, her eyebrow raised again

"_a doctor_" he repeated, waiting for the cogs to start to turn in her head

"ok so the ones we know are Connie, Zoe, Ash and Dylan"

"you can count out the latter two, i am strictly hetrosexual. Thats your 50/50 so your not allowed to phone a friend anymore.." he commented, watching her squirm

"So Connie orrrrr, Zoe" she nodded her head, watching as his eyes lit up when she had mentioned Zoe's name. She grinned

"Well its not going to be Connie is it?" she said, more to herself then anyone

"your with Zoe!" she exclaimed, beaming "oh thank god, I was really hoping it wasnt Connie"

"Connie?" he snorted "but yes, im with Zoe. Zoes with me, its all hearts and flowers and happy times" he half mocked, while grinning, eyeing her response

"shes..older"

"hey, less of the older"

"are you sure shes serious?" Robyn asked, he could tell by the look in her eyes she was sincere, although she was struggling to take in the news

"yes, shes serious. Im serious. Its all serious Robyn" he nodded at her, she sighed

"when she left, thats when you were sad. Like ridiculously sad. Like, sitting in your room with vodka sad"

"are you telling me youve never had someone make you feel a little sad? The brother in me would totally beat that person up though" he said the last bit quietly and quickly, in a joking tone. He was trying to reason with her

"is she gonna break your heart?" she replied

"nope. Not anymore. Everything's ok now" he curled up further into his duvet

"if your sure" she nodded, before she had a pang of realisation

"oh my god, the _shoes_!" her eyes widened "you never pulled an air hostess did you?"

"nope" he laughed a little, realising how ridiculous all the lies had been. It was so much better out in the open. Robyn chortled

"the shoes" she said again "wait until I tell Rita, and Lofty-"

"are you genuinely wondering why I didnt tell you?" he asked, an affectionate smile aimed towards his babbling sister

"erm, yes, on that topic, im very offended"

"if I had told you, half the nurses in the UK would probably know by now"

"i would not of told"

"you definitely would"

"alright, maybe a couple-" she shrugged "a couple isnt bad?"

"its very bad"

"can I tell people now?"

"well, the bigwigs already know so do your worst" he smiled again, as Robyn continued to ponder

"oh my god, and when you were wheeled in Noel and Louise were saying she walked straight past without saying anything-"

"good to know you all had your priorities in check when I was casually, you know, nearly dieing. But no, Noel's wondering why Zoe didnt say hi. Seems perfectly reasonable" his tone was laced with sarcasm, but he was chuckling

"and the new years video when she was looking at you, and I heard Dylan mutter something about her acting like a teenager, oh my god!"

"you need to get out more" he commented

"I dont think your too ill to be hit with a pillow" she lifted the cushion she was sitting on, he faked a cough

"I think I may be dieing again" he countered, in a false low voice paired with a fake cough. They both laughed

* * *

><p>"Wheres Robyn?" Zoe asked Lofty, who was passing<p>

"upstairs with Max I think, shall I page her?" he asked, narrowly avoiding being hit by a passing trolley

"No thanks" she smiled, politely, before she headed back to her office with her files, sitting opposite Connie

"Robyns visiting Max" she said, more to herself then to Connie

"Sister visits brother, riveting" the other woman replied, a perfectly pencilled eyebrow arched

"im about to become the talk of the hospital"

"always more fun gossiping about staff then about budget cuts"

"oh god" Zoe shook her head, taking a puff on her e-cigarette

"get over it its not like its bad gossip" Connie replied, a good natured smirk crossing her features

"im older then him" Zoe winced

"it happens" came the blunt retort, as she continued to tap away at her keyboard

"it happens" Zoe repeated, watching Connie "your right" she nodded, before sitting back in her own chair, satisfied

"tell me something I dont know"

Zoe laughed a little as she saw Connie laugh as well

* * *

><p>Later on, she was on her way to resus. She saw Robyn out of the corner of her eye<p>

"Zoe!" she heard the voice, she almost expected it. She didnt know how Robyn was going to feel, whether she was going to be happy, protective, or a little splashing of both

"Hi" she slowed down, as Robyn tilted her head from side to side, considering her next sentence

"so, I heard you and Max-" Zoe smiled and nodded, looking down

"Me and Max"

"Don't break his heart" she blurted out, crossing her arms, looking anywhere apart from Zoe's eyes

Zoe chuckled lightly at her honesty, watching her puzzled expression

"i dont plan to" she watched Robyn's warm smile spread back through to her features, reaching her eyes, which lit up

"cool. My brother the porter, is dating a doctor. I didnt think things could be stranger around this place-"

"when I look at Max I dont see a porter. I just see Max" she met her gaze and gave a soft smile

"Good. Im happy for you both, really happy" she went to move away, then suddnely "oh, Zoe"

"yeah?" she asked, casually

"His operations in an hour and he seems a bit freaked out about it, could you pop in?"

"Sure, ill go now as im on a break" she gave Robyn a reassuring smile "its going to be ok"

* * *

><p>She walked around to Max's room, watching him as he gazed out the window, then to the ceiling, then to the door, then to his phone. She had to laugh, the only other person who would be as restless in a hospital bed would probably be her<p>

"a little bird told me you were still a bit freaked out?" she asked, peering round the door

"that birds name _Robyn_?" he mused

"maybe" she grinned, sitting on the edge of his bed

"ive never had an operation before ok, im a big baby with these things. I dont even like blood tests" he smiled, she took his hand

"its going to be alright. Connie's going to be in there, one stitch out of place and there will be blood"

"besides mine"

"besides yours" she repeated, a laugh evident in her voice

"so you saw Robyn?" he asked, changing the subject

"yup, she told me not to break your heart, all is well. Although probably the whole of the ED know by now"

"shes probably put a poster on the noticeboard" he grinned "her hearts in the right place though"

"i know". Another doctor came through to the room, giving Zoe a small nod

"you ready?" he asked, Zoe watched as Max squirmed a little, she stroked his hand a little

"Sure" he said, nodding a little, trying to mask his fear. A porter appeared, and started to move the bed. His hold on Zoe's hand tightened a little

"it'll be ok, I'll be here when your back, ok" she tried to soothe him, she gave him a small kiss on the lips, stroking his cheeks and then kissing his forehead, watching as he got wheeled away. She felt slightly emotional watching him get taken towards the theatre. His heard turned around from the bed

"Love you" he mouthed, she closed her eyes and looked down, before meeting his eyes

"you too" she mouthed back, he blew her an extravagant kiss. She laughed a little before covering her mouth

She knew it was routine, she knew it would be ok, but she didnt usually see him so fearful, he was usually pretty fearless. Maybe thats what scared her. She went back down to the ED, watching as the clock rang in 12. it was going to be a long night.


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you for all the reviews! Bethj13 im definitely going to do more with max and his dad, and cal, ethan and lofty are going to become a bit more prominent aswell! Im going to start trying to do more chapters with the contrasting flashbacks, theres a lot more emotional chapters where those last few came from :)

and to the guess that commented re: valentines, i think that is a brilliant idea! will definitely be doing something like that over the next few chapters! i might even do a valentines oneshot, that episode just made me smile!

how cute were the scenes we got for valentines day? although i am waiting for an episode where we get more than 4 minutes of screen time!

Going to start up flashbacks next chapter, and also start involving a few more characters. if anyone has any favourites im all ears!

* * *

><p>Zoe paced up and down, she was on cubicles for the tonight, she had a feeling Connie had done it because she knew it was the operation day. She remembered a time when her relationship with Connie wasn't so nice, and she wouldnt of dreamed of doing her a favour. She didn't know how much of a favour it was though, although the intention was good. It was quiet, all she could do was think. at least resus would be busy.<p>

She hadnt really seen any of her colleagues either, oddly. She had gone past the reception desk, rolling her eyes as Noel gave her a thumbs up, which earned him a disapproving nudge from Louise. Robyn had definitely alerted people

Cal came to the nurses station, where Zoe was nursing a coffee

"I hear someones punching" Zoe shook her head with a glint of a smile

"Max is not _punching_"

"I meant you" he responded, a crass laugh followed. She smiled alongside him

"how is he?" he then asked, Zoe shrugged

"hes in surgery at the moment, its just a routine thing for his leg"

"ah, cool. Well not cool but i'll drop in on him later. I keep trying but Connie kept cornering me everytime I tried to sneak off. Ever since Taylor shes got some sort of sneaky tab on me. Cant say I mind" he gave her a wink, and she shook her head, laughing again

"you could of at least got a good cover story, I mean you didnt even confirm your cover with Ethan- total amateur" she smirked, shaking her head

"probably easier when your boyfriend works at the hospital, eh?l" he replied, giving her a mock shrug. She gave him a light punch on the arm, muttering "sod off" as she did so, before walking over to the computer to get her patients results

* * *

><p>"So, the press havent gone wild yet?" Charlie asked, taking a seat next to Zoe in the staffroom as she made herself another coffee<p>

"Oh I dont know Charlie, ive only really seen Cal since Robyn inevitably told everyone in the hospital" she mused

"Well from what I hear, Honey knew it all along" he laughed "_apparently Walker was always staring after Hanna_" he replied, in an amused, fake whimsical voice

"Oh, we both got last name nicknames"

"Apparently so" he sighed as he was paged.

"duty calls" he commented, standing up and starting to walk towards the staffroom door "for what its worth, everyone seems pretty happy for the pair of you" she smiled at this, watching as Connie came past in her scrubs, some blood was on them. Max''s blood

* * *

><p>"Connie?" she asked, standing up. She saw the worried glint in the clincial leads eye<p>

"Tess said she saw you coming in here" Connie said, curtly, trying to avoid eye contact "Robyns apparently gone home to get some more stuff for Max"

"whats happened?" Zoe asked, folding her arms and staring into Connies eyes, trying to read her expression

"theres been a few complications" she said delicately

"what do you mean complications? It was a routine surgery wasnt it? And its only been about three hours, these things usually take about four hours?" Connie cut in

"the drugs he took-"

"you mean spiked with" she immediately corrected her

"yes, spiked with. Sorry. But when we got down there, I looked over after we opened up the leg, I found some blood clots. Some pretty big ones?"

"alright. So nobody thought to scan for blood clots?"

"they've been brought on from the painkillers that hes been given"

Zoe sat down, her head in her hands

"how could this happen?"

"I cant tell you Zoe, hes out of surgery now though. He was extremely confused and anxious when they brought him round-"

"So what are you saying, is he ok?" Zoe snapped, impatiently

"hes not great. We need to do another operation to stop the blood clots, I was looking over his scans and theres one near his heart that we need to get rid of, im going to put im on a course of warfarin, to try and thin the blood around the area. There was one by his foot but that ones gone. Hes a little anaemic, the clot near his heart will probably make him a little short of breath at times but im going to keep it monitored, I've got some of the best people working on the case now"

Zoe nodded, taking it all in. She had known something would go wrong, nothing was ever simple for them anymore, not like it was.

"where is he?" she asked, again feeling protective of Max. she felt like she had to control the situation, he didnt know anything medical. To the hospital he was the average patient, she was the doctor, she needed to make sure he got all the right help.

"back on ITU, he needs monitoring"

"because the doctors there are so fantastic?" zoe replied, snarkily

"ive reported the ward, they've drafted in some different doctors. Specialists. Hes in the right hands. We just need to keep him from getting upset, because if he gets stressed-" Connie placed a hand on her shoulder

"the blood clots going to be worse- im going to go and see him" she shook her head, this time with disbelief "is he awake?" she asked

"yes" Connie replied, watching as Zoe started to walk towards the lift, sighing. She had known how terrified he was of the operation, it was one of the rare times the bravado dropped. This would not of helped things at all

* * *

><p>She entered the room, watching as he slept. He looked different, he looked pale. There were circles under his eyes. She sat beside him, sighing a little. He looked over, his eyes flickering open<p>

"go back to sleep" she whispered to him, he moved up a little, tapping the bed next to him

"i cant" he replied, honestly, sniffing a little and coughing

"i heard you had a bad time up there" she got into the bed, pulling the cover over them both, curling upto him as he lifted his arm

"yeah, they tried to explain in medical speak. Medical speak I unfortunately don't _at all_ understand" he said through a yawn

"Connie came to see me, she said you had some blood clots"

"that doesnt sound good" he commented, straight away

"shes going to make sure it'll be ok" she spoke gently, she watched him stare ahead, she put her hand on his cheek, stroking it a little before getting him to face her, his eyes met hers, his blue eyes swimming with doubt

'my routine surgery was meant to be ok" he replied, quietly. She leaned her head on his shoulder

"Connie is the best person you could wish for on your case, shes working through everything she can. Try not to worry"

She narrowed her eyes a little as she saw a familiar figure tapping away at one of the computers

"be right back-"she whispered to Max, who nodded and watched her go, before closing his eyes wearily

* * *

><p>"Dylan?" she asked, in disbelief. He turned and nodded at her<p>

"Zoe" he replied curtly, taking a sip of his coffee

"what are you doing up here?"

"fancied a new challenge, so im up here for the while. Life of a locum" he said, simply, before taking a short glance towards Max. A short glance anyone else would of missed

"and your on Max's case?" she asked, eyeing him. He could tell she didnt believe his story for a second, that was too much of a coincidence

"yup. The doctor who used to be on the case has taken leave of absence. Although I think its going to be a more permanent thing due to her patient records, I mean its like nobody checks anything around here, utterly ridiculous-"

"didnt you finish 15 minutes ago?" she interjected, remembering the rota that was pasted on one of the cupboards on the boat

"just wanted to read up" he told her, she watched him, still not believing this "new challenge". His facial expression didn't change

"be happy, you want him to have the best on the case, yes?" he asked her, bluntly

"course"

"so from now, you dont need to worry. Hes in my hands for the next couple of weeks, along with others. So you can stop going through multiple coffees per day" his expression turned earnest for a moment, before becoming neutral again

"anything else I can help with?" he asked, flicking through a file

"nope" she replied, shaking her head. She smiled a little. Although he would never admit it, he was doing this for her. He had got transferred to look after Max because he, alongside Connie would be the only doctor she would trust.

She gave him a warm smile

"Thank you" she placed a hand on his arm for a few seconds, before removing it, walking back to the room. Max was in a light sleep

"Good news, Dylans on your case" she got in bed beside him, feeling his arm weakly wrap around her

"did you just announce that by saying '_good news_'" he asked, his eyes darting around the room

"he may be a bit eccentric but hes a fantastic doctor. One of the best ive worked with" she told him, honestly. She watched as his shoulders visibly dropped, he probably hadn't even realised they were tense, that he was tense

"then thats the best news ive had all day" he smiled a little, shutting his eyes again. Zoe watched him as he drifted off again, her eyes focused back onto Dylan, who was still going through the file. Still tapping away at the computer. Sending a concerned glance towards the room, a quick one that anyone else would of missed.

Zoe suddenly didn't feel relaxed anymore. Dylan didn't do _"concerned glances"_. Something was wrong


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you so much for the reviews all! Ahh, arent Zax lovely! Keep missing Casualty so I made an excuse to go to the toliet and iplayer the Zax moments. Thats obsession! Paired with the fact ive been spending my lunch break rifiling through soap magazines for spoilers! Nice to see them back though, cant wait for Saturday!

Tiny bit of a filler chapter, going to try a valentines themed one tomorrow or Thursday as ive got some time off coming up! Also going to try the one shot. Not sure how well I write Cal/Ethan/Lofty but I gave it a try as I figured Max not getting any visitors was a little unrealistic! Do let me know anything else you can't to see!

* * *

><p>Max woke up in discomfort yet again, he looked around the room for Zoe, his eyes stopping when he saw Dylan<p>

"Morning Mark" he commented

"Seriously, you dont know its Max?" he replied, watching as the other man laughed

"just my little joke" he said, the trace of a laugh in his voice, before turning serious again

"how are you feeling?" he asked, surveying him. He still had dark circles under his eyes

"_fantastic"_

"and I thought sarcasm was my forte. Very well. Well the clotting still isnt ideal, so im going to give you some more medicine for that" he nodded, more to himself than anything, before exiting, as Max stared out the window and yawned. Dylan didn't really tell him anything but he knew that was probably for the best, thats how Dylan operated. He was a brilliant doctor, so he just trusted him. He knew Zoe trusted him, and he had certainly felt better since Dylan had started on his case a few days ago

* * *

><p>Cal approached Zoe, who was walking towards her office<p>

"are you going to speak or just follow me?" she asked, her eyebrow raised as she turned around, feeling his presence behind her

"hows Max?" he asked, finding this new setting of Zoe being his girlfriend very odd

"a little better. He would probably appreciate a visit though, hes been restless for the last couple of days. _Very_ restless" she sighed, running a hand through her hair. It would of been ok if he was mobile, but his leg was still suspended in the air, he could barely move. He had already got through a stack of books and magazines, last time she visited, he was drawing an escape diagram.

"where have you guys been?" she asked, refering to his friends. The only people that really visited were her, Robyn and Lofty, which seemed odd to her. he was popular, very popular.

"I know. I want to. I just dont know what to say-"

"Then just be you. Hospital gossip, fast cars, hot blondes, whatever. Just go and keep him company" she gave him a tightlipped smile, silently pleading with him as he nodded

"sure. Actually, im going to go now"

Zoe nodded at him before watching him go. She wanted to track down Dylan, who had been avoiding her. She had a feeling there was something she wasn't being told

* * *

><p>"So, I heard a crazy rumour that our porter pulled the hottest doctor in holby?" Cal spoke, watching as Max's head darted towards him, a lazy smile pulling across his features<p>

"maybe" he replied, coyly

"maybe its a sympathy thing since the accident" Cal jokingly replied

"yup, thats it. I think if I want to pull the queen i'll have to make the next stunt bigger though, you know, failed skydive, hit by bus?" they both snickered

"i cant believe you kept it secret"

"that was her decision"

"_clearly_" Cal responded, they both laughed again

"how are things down there?" Max asked, motioning to downstairs, meaning the ED

"oh, you know. Connie's trying to fire me because of the report-"

"Crap?! Can she do that"

"Dont worry, I said trying. I think shes back on side. Kind of. Im just pretending I dont exist for the moment. In other news, Ethan and Honey have gone public, Lofty has a secret admirer, I have 5 valentines cards, and its not even the big day yet!"

"your gran wrote 5. jeez, shes got game" Max replied, before Cal shook his head

"you doing anything for valentines?" he asked him, changing the subject

"yup, me and my bandaged leg thought we would take a world tour, jet skiing, sight seeing, all sorts" he sarcastically replied, a smile still playing on his features

"although-" he suddenly thought

"oh god, ive given you an idea"

"this is mine and Zoe's first valentines together. Ive gotta do something dont I.."

"Flowers? Teddys?"

"Oh Caleb, you _amateur_"

Ethan suddenly entered the room with some grapes

"you always hear these help" he commented, in a small voice, entering the room tentatvitly

"alright Eth? Heard someones found their _Honey_.." he commented, earning a laugh and a high five from Cal

"thats never going to get old" Cal pondered, causing Max to crease up in laughter beside him

Ethan smiled nervously before nodding, his head bowed modestly

"you could say that" he smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed "how are you?" he asked, watching him, earnestly

"bored out of my bloody brain"

"i know how that feels. I had to get Cal to sneak in my laptop after the crash, so I could at least look at work"

"unfortunately I dont have any towels to fold, or bins to empty from here" they all laughed

"Max wants to do a valentines surprise for Zoe" Cal commented, waggling his eyebrows. His brother laughed

"oh yes, ive heard about that development. Congratulations" Ethan politely nodded, before eyeballing the other two

"i dont know what to do for valentines" he admitted, his features clouded with doubt

"Honey?" Lofty commented, innocently, leaning agaisnt the door. Ethan turned a delicate shade of red while the other three snickered

"alright mate?" he asked, kindly, occupying the other visitors chair

"loving life" Max replied, as Lofty chortled and shook his head

'ive got a valentines card" he grinned

"i should of took bets on how many seconds it took for you to mention that" quipped Cal, quickly

"someones touchy because they got none" Lofty singsonged in response "and he got Robyn to check_ twice_" Lofty confirmed, watching as Ethan good naturedly laughed

'well-"

"well nothing, you loser. I mean to be fair, I would be embarassed" Lofty grinned

"Singles pint tomorrow?" Cal suggested, putting his hands up, as Lofty nodded

"sounds good. Then town?"

"bring me a pint" Max commented, pouting a little. what he wouldn't do for an ice cold beer and a fag right now..

"Dylan and Connie have taken over your case. All your getting is water and grapes pal, im not risking my life" Cal quickly retorted, holding his hands up again

"So, what are you going to do for Zoe?" Lofty turned his attentions to Max

"not much from this bed. But Robyn can help. _Actually_ you all can"

"whats the big plan?" Lofty replied

"well. erm. I dont know yet. but. Keep your pagers on you" he mumbled, suddenly gazing out the window to avoid his friends glances

"how have you got a pager?" Ethan asked, looking confused

"paid Noel a fiver to bring me one so I could pester Zoe. Bribery is a beautiful thing. Its the modern day bell" he grinned, the other guys laughed. It was one of the first genuine smiles they had seen from their friend in a while.

* * *

><p>Zoe finshed up with a patient, before heading to the staffroom. She had it on good authority from Louise that Dylan had come downstairs for his break, as he didnt like the hustle and bustle of upstairs<p>

"Dylan" she sat on the seat next to him, watching him read a newspaper

"Whatever it is, no" he replied, sharply

"I-" she started, before checking around the room, then shutting the doors

"this all feels a bit intimidating" he observed, she laughed a little

"the other night, when you were looking through Max's notes?" she questioned, watching him raise his eyes above the newspaper. He put it down. He didn't expect her to be this straight to the point, he expected at least a little small talk first

"what about it?" he asked, not blinking

"you looked concerned. You looked into the room a few times, concerned"

"well I was concerned, my patient had bloodclots"

"what else?" she pushed

"why are you so sure theres something else?"

"because I know you" she replied, flatly "you dont do concerned, you dont miss anything, not like these other people do"

"Zoe-" he started "i shouldnt be discussing this with you"

"so there is something" she questioned

"nothing that cant be sorted out"

"Dylan" she pleaded

"ok, ok. Just, dont tell him anything until its all confirmed ok? I need him to be as relaxed and stress free as possible"

"why?" she asked, her eyes making contact with his. His still not blinking. He opened his mouth to speak, then Lily came in the room, grabbing at a bottle of water

"nice that some people have time to_ sit down_. Theres people dieing, theres new rotas, new routines. And people find time for a cup of tea" she commented, lifting her water bottle to her mouth with narrowed eyes. Zoe sighed and looked at her, willing her to go away

"nows not a good time" she commented, watching as Lilys look of confusion grew, before she left, glaring at both Zoe and Dylan

"Well there goes the only member of my fan club" he shook his head, wimsically

"Dylan?" she turned back to him

"i was looking through his notes, his dads notes. His dad had a hypertensive heart condition. That was what killed him" Zoes breath quickened a little, her eyes widening

"are you saying what I think your saying?" she asked, in a low tone

"im not saying that, no. im saying its definitely a possiblity and theres definitely some symptoms, which have been overlooked"

Zoe put her head into her hands, she couldn't believe it. Everything lately just seemed to be bad news. She wanted the days back where their biggest problem was whether to come out as a couple, the last few weeks had been hell. She didnt want to have to tell him anything else that was bad, she was just starting to watch him become happier, this was another setback

"this is why I didnt want to share the news. I shouldn't of, your not meant to know" he sighed, looking at her, awkwardly

"its not a done deal, I dont know if he does have it. I just think it is a strong possibility" he commented again, trying to play it down, her head snapped back up

"oh god" she commented, watching the door, sighing again

"_Zoe"_ he surveyed her, quietly. She watched him

"he cant know yet. Ive been doing his assessments and I can see how much this. Lets say, to put it delicately, daunts him. If he stresses while his bodies this weak, its going to hurt him". She tipped her head back, she didnt want to have to keep a secret, she didnt want this

"ok" she said softly, he placed a hand on her back

"i know its tough" he mused, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Her breath hitched a little bit

"Hes young Dylan, this stuff shouldnt be happening"

"But it is. Hes going to get through it. Thats what us humans are designed to do"

* * *

><p>Zoe popped her head around Max's door, watching him as he looked out the window. She found him doing that a lot recently, she didn't know if he was just longing to be out there or if he was just bored<p>

"Max?" she asked, softly. His head turned towards her, a small smile spreading across his face

"didnt think id be seeing you today" he spoke through a yawn

"oh you know me, cant resist dropping in on my favourite invalid" she grinned a little, moving over to the chair

"its valentines tomorrow" he said, sleepily

"oh yeah" she smiled a little, in spite of everything

"we have plans" he grinned, blinking a little and reaching for her hand

"can I ask how?"

"would it be cheesy to say, '_with a little help from my friends_'?"

"yes"

"well I take it back, I am obviously way too cool to come out with such a thing"

they both chuckled a little

"you look tired" he remarked, stroking some hair out of her eyes

"is that a way of saying crap?" she raised an eyebrow, he chuckled lightly

"nope, you still look amazing. You dont have to babysit me though, you can get some sleep"

The truth was, she was exhausted, but because she knew more then he did, she knew about the possibility of a heart condition, she wanted to spend all her time with him, she was so consumed with wanting to make sure he was ok, she knew if she went home she would just be stressing over his treatment, or if he was stressing, or whatever tests Dylan needed to do. She wanted to be there.

"i think ill stay here tonight if you don't mind a guest" she said, softly.

He gave her a small nod, she wasn't usually the affectionate type, he had a feeling something was wrong. But he didnt want to push her. If being with him all night would help her, he was more than happy to

She shivered a little as she climbed into the small bed, straight into his embrace. He gave her a peck on the head as she closed his eyes, the comfort she felt spreading through her body, she felt herself physically start to become less tense, the exhaustion hitting her pretty much straight away

"sorry" he said, pressing another kiss to her head, feeling guilty for the state she was in, the fact she had pretty much been dividing her time between him and work, he felt like it had all merged into one lately

"for what?" she asked, leaning up a little from his shoulder to look at him

"all of this. This isnt really what you signed up for. Serious-" he started, she considered what he was saying. True, when they first had started things up it was casual, a bit of fun. But she had known after the first few times she had felt something for him, she just never wanted to admit it to herself. She didnt do emotional attatchments, not after Nick. Not after every man who had screwed her over in the past. But then came Max.

Things never were really serious, the feelings were, but their relationship had always been fun, relaxing, easy. It had taken a definite turn lately

"its not your fault. Don't blame yourself for what life throws at you" she told him, pulling him a little closer, he could feel her breath on his neck

"it'll get better. Connie, I mean. _Miss Beauchamp_ says my legs doing well. Then I can take you out properly" he nodded a little, before yawning again and closing his eyes, his arms still wound around Zoe. The clock at the foot of the ward struck 12

"happy valentines Zo" he mumbled, watching her eyes start to droop, her breathing slowed down. When she was sleeping he could watch her forever, the world outside didnt matter. She looked so peaceful, the worries of the day just slowly fading away. He would never take that feeling for granted.


End file.
